James Hunt
Tommy, 13, is non-speaking and had never been able to tell his dad James that he loved him
James Hunt thought his autistic son Tommy would never be able to say that he loved him.
But three months ago, the 14-year-old, who is non-speaking, sent him a text message with those very words.
“I immediately started crying,” James says. “I know we have a good relationship and he is affectionate towards me but it was so emotional when he was able to confirm it.
“After so many years of limited communication, it has been life-changing.”
James, from Burnham-on-Crouch in Essex, used to run a marketing firm in London but his children Jude, 17, and Tommy were diagnosed as autistic when they were toddlers, and he decided to care for them full-time.
He later separated from his wife Charlotte and they took the “incredibly difficult” decision to split Jude and Tommy up, because the boys could not tolerate living together.
James and Charlotte now live opposite each other and have the boys separately on different days of the week.
‘Parents say it gives them hope’
James Hunt
James says his son Tommy is cheeky and affectionate
James started blogging about their lives 10 years ago, and then began sharing more on social media, under the name Stories About Autism.
“It was initially a way to show friends and family what our life was really like,” he says.
“Jude and Tommy struggled with social occasions, so we stopped going.
“I could never find the words to explain, and I wanted to show how proud I was of them, so I started writing instead.
“I didn’t realise how much our stories would resonate with others, or how much it would help me.”
James Hunt
Brothers Jude (left) and Tommy (centre) live apart but James hopes that might change in the future
James has seen a huge reaction after sharing the messages from Tommy, with millions of people interacting with the posts.
“Other parents in the autism community have said it gives them hope that their children will one day be able to communicate with them.
“It shows Tommy has a deeper understanding of what’s happening, even though he’s not able to tell me that with words.”
One of the conversations Tommy and his father James have had recently, via WhatsApp
One of the most touching moments for James was when he messaged Tommy to say he was with Jude, and Tommy replied “brother”.
“They’ve had a very difficult relationship growing up, but things are definitely improving and I hope one day they can both stay at my house together,” he says.
For the last seven years, Tommy has used a communication device that helps him explain things, like what food he would like to eat, or where he would like to go.
But he has never been able to explain his emotions.
James went to Australia in May to give a talk at a conference about autism, so he helped Tommy adjust by sending him video messages, which was the first time he had properly used a phone.
“Tommy will rest his head on mine, he likes to be cuddled but this is the first time he has shown me any real emotion, and it means so much,” James adds.
“He is able to explain how he is feeling or tell me about what he did in the day. He always messages me at bedtime when he’s at his mum’s and I can’t wait to receive them.
“Not so long ago conversations like this were beyond my wildest dreams.”
‘It has taken those worries away’
James Hunt
James has put up a Christmas tree with Tommy after he asked his dad via text if they could do it together
James started a clothing line with positive messaging around autism, disabilities and neurodivergence, and last year he opened a shop selling the clothes.
“It’s somewhere for people in the community to visit, we have a sensory room in the shop and we get lots of parents coming in who want to have a chat.
“Everyone working in the shop is a parent, carer or is autistic, so they can share their experiences with customers.”
Through the shop, he learned about the charity Independence Project and teamed up with them to put on several festivals exclusively for children and people with special needs and their families.
“One family told me they hadn’t left the house for months but they were able to come because they knew they would be accepted and they felt safe,” he says.
Tommy’s older brother Jude, who is also non-speaking, has a passion for music, and James was able to take him to a nightclub for the first time, organised by the charity.
“That was a real highlight for me this year,” James says. “He’s 17 so he should be going out and enjoying himself like that. It was a special moment.”
James has written a book coming out in March, called Love Needs No Words, about his life with Tommy and Jude.
“In the past, I would have been too nervous to agree to go to book signings, because I would have been worried about leaving Tommy, who needs a routine, but now we can communicate it has taken those worries away,” he adds.