“The biggest thing with that age is they don’t understand the idea of permanence. He understands Dad’s gone, but can’t quite grasp that he won’t be back.”
Rory Aroa and his daughter Olive.
For much of Aroa’s adult life, he was careful in the sun and did not work or play outdoors, Howie said.
“Rory was pretty pre-cautious with the sun. I’m sure a young Rory had many occasions where sunblock wasn’t at the top of his list, but he was no more exposed than the rest of us growing up and certainly not as an adult.”
Aroa was first diagnosed with stage 3 melanoma in 2021 after a mole was removed and found to be cancerous. That initial round of cancer was treated with surgery, and he went into remission.
But last year, he was dealing with back pain when lumps began appearing on his neck and shoulders.
“He went from being a busy day working long hours one week, to being flown to Palmerston North for urgent radiation therapy the next,” Howie said.
Scans revealed the melanoma had spread throughout his body, including to his brain. From that point, Howie said it was clear that treatment would be palliative, aimed at extending life rather than curing the disease.
Aroa underwent full brain and lower back radiation therapy in Palmerston North, before continuing targeted treatment from home.
“It was really tough seeing him in stages of pain and … changes in his cognitive function … it was usually a lot of short memory loss and progressively just general personality changes that happened over time,” Howie said.
“Considering the circumstances Rory remained incredibly positive throughout the journey, which I thought was so admirable.
“He was under no illusion that he wasn’t likely survive but had a great mindset to try anyway … he fought every day until the end.”
As his condition worsened, the Hawke’s Bay community rallied around the family.
In October, friends at Bay Espresso organised a 26-hour coffee marathon, raising nearly $20,000 to support them and donations are still open at their Givealittle page.
The couple married on December 7, three weeks before Aroa died at 11.11am on December 31, surrounded by his family.
With his death, Howie says her focus has shifted to ensuring others understand the risks of melanoma.
“If we’ve learnt anything from this is that this can happen to anyone,” she says.
“Rory for sure fell into a high-risk demographic, being that he was a light-skinned, fair-haired, blue-eyed male living in one of the worst, most dangerous regions for skin cancer.
“I think skin cancer especially in our region is probably not talked about enough. Rory was not an anomaly. He was one of many young people in Hawke’s Bay who have died from the exact same cancer.”
Dermoscopist Victoria Macleod-Muir, who works in melanoma detection in Taradale, said melanoma is the most common cancer in New Zealand among people between the ages of 15 and 40.
“Two out of three Kiwis will develop some form of skin cancer in their lifetime,” she says.
Macleod-Muir said melanoma can be linked to sun exposure, genetics or having multiple or unusual moles, and early detection was critical.
“Everyone over the age of 15 in New Zealand should have some kind of skin check, but it’s important to have one with somebody who’s done dermoscopy training,” she said adding GPs receive limited specialist training.
She urged people to monitor the UV index daily.
“[The] UV index recently has been extremely high. If you’re outside for one hour or more, you must wear sunscreen and cover up.”