And this is how other creatives are experiencing the struggle – trust me on that. Having returned from maternity leave, back into my (then) industry of live radio (a medium that is literally always on) my welcome back gift was to produce a Saturday night show till 1 am. My baby was 14 months old. (Yup, there’s a whole other thread on this one for another time). I’d also felt like I had a lobotomy. And that’s before the guilt kicked in about my husband looking after the baby on Saturday nights (I mean, what?!).
I know you get this. And here’s the thing – so will the entire population of parents who work unsociable hours with young kids – those who don’t have the privilege of nearby or round-the-clock help. So firstly, recognise this is an experience that is shared by others close to you.
500 words can’t cover it all, but I will share some things that worked for me, which will hopefully make you one, feel less alone and more sane, and two, manage your work/life balance better.
Emotional support is integral, and you can be honest with those who care; those who want you to be well, regardless of their setup. None of them – I promise – will judge you for feeling knackered or for struggling. Your 9 to 5 friend may not have the same hours as you, but they 100 per cent will get it – it’s just that their pinch point times will be a bit different from yours. So start talking, and the more honest you are, the more you’ll also empower them to talk about their struggles too. Having a shared experience around the work/life struggle is a really powerful way of not feeling alone. And hearing back that you’re doing well enough, as you will to them, is the emotional support you need right now. Find your people who can do that.
You’ve not mentioned your home set-up or division of labour, any chore wars here. So if you’re not doing it already, have that chat with the father of the kids. When my kid was young, both my husband and I worked in live broadcasting, most certainly not 9 to 5 hours. Working out the week ahead and who was doing school and nursery pick up, who was doing the dinner, shopping – all of that stuff. Don’t forget to put your hand up to say you need that time for yourself away from any responsibility. Two hours to do whatever will do you the world of good. Each week will look completely different, so sort out the logistics together on a regular basis. Together is the keyword.
I will say this, on your feelings of being ‘slow’ and ‘not done’.
We sometimes wear constant productivity as a badge of honour. I know I did. This idea that long hours and late nights were a sign of being brilliant and professional. It’s not. Long hours do not validate anyone being more creative or successful than the next person. It just makes them burn out. Is this something you recognise with yourself or others? How can you start re-adjusting that thought and focus on putting in healthy boundaries?
Finally, and especially when the kids are young, only do the stuff that matters. When I got my big new job at Apple to launch a global radio platform whilst my kid was learning to potty train, looking after my team with my bosses stateside, my immediate fear was “how the hell do I balance this?”
Literally, I had to let go of the small stuff. Don’t bother cooking a meal from scratch; no one’s going to thank you for chopping an onion. I’m still shoving fish fingers in the oven for my 14-year-old – he’s still alive. Decline non-important calls and meetings during pick up times, and just explain. It’s what I did, and everyone got it. If it’s that important, someone will tell you.
Try those tactics, experiment away and let me know how you get on.
And whatever you do, never, ever buy work clothes that require ironing.