Jacob and his English partner Daisy planned to have two kids, with their first, Acer, born in November 2020.
The first three weeks after welcoming their son were spent supporting Daisy as she navigated postpartum psychosis. By Christmas, life had begun to feel normal again, Jacob said.
“It was literally a couple of days after New Year’s that she got diagnosed with cancer.”
Daisy had taken 8-week-old Acer to a check-up after noticing a hard lump in her abdomen.
Jacob knew something was wrong when the doctor called the next day and asked whether they were home because she wanted to visit in person.
“I was like, oh, doctors don’t do that.”
While living in Leighton Buzzard, a town in the English county of Hertfordshire, and enjoying the bliss of life with a newborn, the couple were told 29-year-old Daisy had cancer.
“Daisy was like, ‘why, why is this happening?’” Jacob said.
They waited three weeks for Daisy to be diagnosed with stage four kidney and liver cancer. Doctors told her she was one of the youngest patients they had seen with that type of cancer.
“She went through so many treatments and trials,” Jacob said.
“We spent so much money on international trials, trying to get different things, different procedures, programmes, medicines, shipping stuff from America just to see if that would work for her.”
Between chemotherapy, immunotherapy sessions and caring for a newborn, the family tried to maintain a sense of normality.
“It was one of those things where you’re trying to prioritise who needs more help,” Jacob said.
“There were some days where you just like you could hear your child scream crying but there’s nothing you can do because I’m just going to have to let you scream cry because right now I’ve got to deal with my wife who’s not breathing.
“Sometimes it was the other way around where Daisy was screaming in absolute pain and agony, but I’ve got a child that’s unwell and who needs help.
“There wasn’t a choice to just stop and just chill out because you had to keep going.”
Jacob with son Acer and wife Daisy.
Trips to receive treatment became a chance for a family adventure as did their daily outings as Acer grew older.
“It was an agreement that we had, no matter how s*** the day was what is one nice thing we can do today.”
Jacob said Daisy lived “well past what they expected of her”. She died in July, 2022, two days before her 31st birthday.
During her illness, Jacob asked Daisy to write a list of 10 places she would visit if she could travel anywhere in the world.
They ticked some off as a family, like Santorini in Greece, but many went unvisited.
“When she passed away I took Acer with me on those trips and to do those things that she didn’t get to do.
“Being a dad and being able to give him these fun experiences and for him to look back at it when he’s older and think even though it was just me and dad, we had a great time.”
One of those destinations was Land’s End, the westernmost point of mainland England, where Jacob and Acer carried a photo of Daisy with them.
“With most of the things me and Acer do, we think what if Daisy was here, what would make her happy?
“As I’ve got older, life’s a bit more about experiences and the things you do rather than the things you have,” Jacob said.
Daisy and Jacob on their wedding day in Iceland between treatments in 2022.
While some might assume raising an 18-month-old alone would have compounded his grief, Jacob found Acer helped him cope.
“The fact that I wasn’t stagnant, I wasn’t just going into my little grief-stricken world going, ‘oh f***, life’s turned out to be pretty s*** today’,” he said.
“Instead, you’re going, this little one-and-a-half-year-old, he’s running around, he’s hungry, he needs his nappy changed and he would like to go to the park.”
Jacob said a cruel blessing was Acer had gotten used to having dad around, as Daisy’s health in the last five months meant she was unable to care for him.
But there were hard times.
“We’ve gone through a lot of stages of him asking where his mum is, when can he go see her and all that sort of thing.”
Acer recently asked his dad whether he remembered them living in England. Jacob said yes, did he?
“He’s like, ‘Yeah, you know, when I used to sit by the window with my mum on the yellow couch and we used to do the songs?’.”
Daisy with Acer on the yellow couch, where she would sing songs to him.
Jacob couldn’t believe it.
“I really do like it because you think I hope you still remember some of these things the older you get.”
There have been milestones Daisy never got to see as Acer, now 5, grew into a bright, inquisitive boy.
“He’s also got a deep kindness about him. He has a lot of empathy for other kids, which is something that his mum definitely had,” Jacob said.
Father’s Day last year was the first time Acer had cottoned on to the occasion.
“Acer went to the garden, found a stick, so that was what I got for Father’s Day,” Jacob said.
This year the duo is celebrating by moving into a new home, a dream Jacob gave up on when Daisy became sick.
“It’s been a very, very long adventure to this but we finally made it,” he said.
“I think Daisy would be proud.”