“G’day! So, we’re doing a little bit of speedwork here,” John recounted the officer telling a confused Colbert, who neither understood the term nor realised he was driving 15km/h over the 30km/h speed limit.
“I’m American, is that a lot?” Colbert replied when told he’d been clocked at 45km/h.
“Well, it’s more than 30 isn’t it, hey?” John replied, imitating the officer.
After describing Colbert as a “clever cookie” for anticipating his ID needed to be checked, the officer landed another jab when a search of the high-profile political satirist’s name revealed nothing, according to John’s re-enactment.
“Oh, look at this. You’re not in the system, you’re a bloody ghost … Casper the friendly ghost.”
After asking the 62-year-old to have a “cheeky blowy” on a breathalyser, the officer told Colbert he’d be getting a ticket of about $80 – since paid – and 20 demerit points.
Colbert’s confusion over the latter brought a sassy finale to the policeman’s roadside performance.
“I’m sorry, what’s a demerit point?” Colbert recounted saying to the officer.
“Well,” replied John, in the officer’s Kiwi twang.
“You know what the word merit means? You’ve got 20 less of them now.”
He and his family have since nicknamed the policeman “Officer Speedwork”, Colbert said, describing “Kiwi cops” as the “nicest people in the world”.
The retelling captured the attention of the New Zealand Police social media team, which posted a clip of Colbert’s confession on its Facebook page.
“Thanks Stephen Colbert. We are really passionate about our speedwork.”
Colbert has been in New Zealand co-writing the upcoming The Lord of the Rings: Shadow of the Past movie alongside his eldest son Peter McGee and franchise veteran Philippa Boyens.
Stephen Colbert is a fanatic of the Lord of the Rings franchise, which includes Elijah Wood (pictured) playing the hobbit Frodo.
The Lord of the Rings superfan told Kimmel he was recently quizzed by Steven Spielberg on the film over lunch.
But Colbert demurred, fearing he’d breach non-disclosure agreements.
“So I just said … ‘Frodo teams up with a time-travelling dinosaur’, and he goes, ‘You can tell me – I’m Steven Spielberg, I know Peter Jackson’ … [but] I was afraid I would get into trouble, so I didn’t tell him anything.
“And then later I told our writing partner, Philippa Boyens, she goes, ‘You idiot, he might have had a good idea – he’s Steven Spielberg’.”
Cherie Howie is an Auckland-based reporter who joined the Herald in 2011. She has been a journalist for more than 20 years and specialises in general news and features.