Brooke Howard-Smith, 54, SUGRco chief executive
We’ve been married for 17 years and together for 22 years. There’s an 11-year age gap. There’s probably a 10-year maturity gap between her and me … she’s a solid, stoic lady.
I believe we’re better after 22 years than we’ve ever been.
I met her on her 21st birthday when we were working at The Edge.
At the time, she was Miss New Zealand. She was gorgeous and very funny.
I had some cheesy series of lines to get her to a party. By the next morning, I was absolutely enamoured.
I’d had other serious girlfriends. But nothing compared to the way we connect.
I think early in our relationship, I raised my voice. I might have said something like “Shut up” to Amber a few days into our relationship when we were getting into a bit of an argument. And she said, “Listen, there are plenty of things that you can do, but if you ever speak to me like that again, I’ll leave.”
I’m certainly not perfect, but I think that’s one area that we’ve been really good with: the way we talk to each other.
For a period, I had [Auckland nightclub] Pony Club, which was a disaster. You’re partying every night … I think Amber should write a book on how we navigated that period.
Amber [has this] ability to coach me into liking myself, not loving myself … she’s really fixated on this idea of people liking themselves, being comfortable with themselves, not needing that approval.
If you’re seeking exterior attention, it’s a hole you’ll never fill.
“I think that’s one area that we’ve been really good with: the way we talk to each other.”
I was going to host [a tour group at] the Rugby World Cup in France in 2007, and I had this ornate plan where I worked with MTV to pretend that Amber had won a competition to fly to Australia.
But when she got to the airport, the plane was actually going to France, and I was going to propose in Paris.
We got knocked out in the quarter-finals of the World Cup. It’s basically the worst game of rugby the All Blacks have ever played.
I was terrified, and I called Amber’s father. I said, “Greg, listen, I know the game didn’t go so well, but Amber’s on a plane to Paris, she doesn’t know why she’s coming here yet, I’m going to surprise her. I’d like to ask for her hand in marriage.”
He said, “No, f*** off”, and hung up. It took a couple of phone calls to get him to relax.
You could be the toughest person or the most prepared athlete – as “Dan Carter” as you can be about it – proposing is the most terrifying thing you’ll ever do.
I got down on one knee in the Tuileries Gardens in Paris and asked her to marry me.
We tried for kids for a long time. There was a period where that was difficult. Anyone who’s been through it knows exactly how hard that is.
This is a conversation from 10 to 15 years ago that is so different now. One of the first things people would say to us anywhere is, “When are you going to have kids?”
Now I’ve found this lovely, large set of people who are approaching it in their own way.
Anyone who has Amber in their life will understand. She is the most stabilising, calming and clever force that you can run into.
I’m obsessed with her in a really healthy – I hope – way.
“On paper, I wouldn’t have thought that I’d be going out with someone 11 years my senior,” Peebles says.
Amber Peebles, 43, presenter and host
I remember trying to get his attention … flicking my hair around.
As soon as we started talking, there was an energy there. Like an undercurrent of a feeling that I already knew. He was very different to anyone that I’d ever met.
I’m not sure if [the age gap] ever would have been a barrier because we just clicked instantly. On paper, I wouldn’t have thought that I’d be going out with someone 11 years my senior.
The Pony [Club days were] a bit wild.
He’d have [long] nights, but he’d also be doing water shots when other people were having [alcoholic] shots.
I guess that’s part and parcel of having a bar. You’ve got to show up; he’s got a big personality anyway, so he can carry that. But I wasn’t down there … I wasn’t a big partier.
[The social pages] would make it look like you’re out, but I was just young and networking [for work].
Towards the end of Pony … Brooke was trying to balance night life and day life. We were so young, and he was still figuring out who he is in his heart and his head. I don’t remember [if the lifestyle affected trust], but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t there. I don’t hold on to those kinds of things.
We’ve had our ups and downs, for sure. But I’m grateful we went through our lows relatively early in our relationship. It set us up for the fundamentals of communication for our future.
They still have a ball together.
Brooke’s great at self-improvement and growing. Self-love gets talked about a lot, but not so much “self-like”. [It’s] when you go easy on yourself. Everyone makes mistakes, and it doesn’t need to be defining.
Because if you’re beating yourself up, then you’re going to be a real dick to everyone else.
And if you don’t have good comms [as a couple], you’re f***ed.
Having some adversity and some sh** … learning about ourselves, what it is that we want and fighting for it, has set us up for who we are now, which is such a harmonious couple.
We almost never fight. We can disagree, obviously, but we’re not a scrappy couple.
It’s nice to be a team. It feels like someone’s got your back. We love hanging out.
We have a ball together. We still go on dates. If there’s a sunset to see, we’ll go out and have a wine, or a quick coffee in the sunshine. He works from home a fair amount, so we do a drive-by and a quick cuddle. Just that personal touch.
Brooke cooks dinner almost every night these days, which is great. I call it my cooking show because I just sit there and watch him … cook up a feast. Because he’s an active relaxer, it’s his way of keeping his brain busy but doing something peaceful.
I’ll check in on him and be like, “Is there anything that I can do for you that makes your day easier?”
I’m big on “you do you and I’ll be me”, because it’s important to have your own tree growing.
Brooke’s very a million-miles-an-hour [type of person] and I’m definitely not … I wouldn’t want to marry myself.
He’s very kind. Very empathetic. There are lots of things I love about Brooke, but that’s my favourite thing.
Find out more information about the Creator Impact Awards at creatorimpactawards.org
Varsha Anjali is a journalist in the lifestyle team at the Herald. She is based in Auckland.