![](\"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/11\/d2273f20e646ff73ed12a51c36281d048a-slomw-s3-ep1.rsquare.w400.jpg\")
<\/p>\n <\/p>\n
\n That the premiere revolves around Cialis-induced semen found in some barely famous bro\u2019s underpants is a sign that MomTok has never been weaker.
\n Photo: Fred Hayes\/Disney\n <\/p>\n
The time has come to convene an emergency meeting of the MomTok board of directors. Never in the storied history of MomTok have the core brand values been this desecrated. Female empowerment is at an all-time low.<\/p>\n
Brand-health alarms should have gone off when the first words of this season were spoken by Nick Viall and cranked even louder the first (or even the fourth) time Jordan used the word \u201cemasculating.\u201d Maybe if all MomTok members past and present united, they could have prevented the premiere\u2019s main character from becoming the Cialis-induced, blackout-produced semen found in some barely famous bro\u2019s underpants.<\/p>\n
But MomTok has been running on a skeleton crew stretched to their limits, attending influencer events and feeding the algorithm. So here we are. But I have faith the ladies will turn it around as long as they don\u2019t appoint Taylor\u2019s mom as interim CMO. Faith is very important to the MomTok brand. It is also important to me, because I believe in the power and resiliency of Emmy-nominated<\/a> reality-television franchises the same way people from Wisconsin believe in the Green Bay Packers.<\/p>\n After a glorious reveal of the updated intro theme \u2014 now with more horny fire! \u2014 we kick things off in Provo at Taylor\u2019s house. Dakota swings by to pick up Ever because he\u2019ll be watching him while Taylor attends a two-week therapy retreat. Hoping we get more details on this because I\u2019m dying to know the amenities and practices on the menu. \u201cTherapy retreat\u201d could mean \u201crepeatedly doing ayahuasca in the Peruvian Amazon,\u201d or \u201cchecking into an inpatient drug and alcohol rehab,\u201d or \u201csitting silently in a meditation center.\u201d It could also mean \u201cdoing a lot of yoga and trauma-informed talk therapy with some nice scenery,\u201d and this is most likely the case. Separately, what a joy to enter this season knowing Taylor and Dakota theoretically do not end up together<\/a>. A brief respite for all involved!<\/p>\n On the other end of the spectrum, we have the Minky Couture influencer event. Minky Couture makes blankets, and we do not need to get into how blankets can be \u201ccouture\u201d because I have learned that living in Utah requires a willingness to suspend disbelief. Mikayla and Mayci walk us through the state of MomTok. It\u2019s bad. Taylor and Jen are both on a mental-health break. Miranda is TBD. Demi left MomTok during that ultimatum<\/a> last season. Whitney left MomTok (again) because she didn\u2019t get the Oscars tickets and scripted-series role she wanted during contract negotiations. If you think this means we will be free of Whitney and Demi this season, sorry! Remember: MomTok is always a clique, usually a brand, and never an accurate cast list.<\/p>\n Anyway, the remaining MomTok members, Layla and Jessi, have a rendezvous in the parking lot of the Minky Couture event. Layla is pressed to tell Jessi what she learned when the producers set up that little meet and greet<\/a> with Marciano from Vanderpump Villa<\/a>. Jessi comes clean immediately and lays out facts she will repeat on loop throughout this episode: (1) Jessi and Jordan have been struggling and separated in September; (2) Jessi was drinking in Los Angeles and kissed Marciano twice; (3) Jessi and Marciano had an emotional affair, texting for two weeks after; and (4) Jessi told Jordan everything right away, and they\u2019ve worked through it.<\/p>\n Jessi freaks upon learning that Marciano told Layla they also had sex, which she insists is false. So, naturally, Layla calls him on speaker. He reports live from the gym that he remembers \u2014 and I think the exact quote is important here \u2014 \u201cI took a Cialis \u2026 I had cum stains in my shorts, but okay, whatever you say.\u201d Correlation does not imply causation, my guy! Marciano\u2019s details feel like the equivalent of saying \u201cI took a Dramamine \u2026 I didn\u2019t throw up\u201d to imply that one survived a particularly turbulent Disney cruise. Whether he\u2019s lying or not, Jessi calls Jordan right away, and he says that if she brings the cameras home, he\u2019s done with the show.<\/p>\n But those contracts are ironclad! The very next morning, the cameras are up and at \u2019em at the Ngatikaura household. Jessi and Jordan \u201cdiscussed it more\u201d and \u201cagreed\u201d to share this story (own the narrative). Jordan says he feels broken, asking himself if he can live with \u201clingering disrespect and emasculating feelings.\u201d Jessi thinks it\u2019ll be healing that Jordan can get comfort from his friends and family now that this is out, but she\u2019s nervous to tell MomTok because it\u2019s yet another scandal, and they\u2019ve been trying to get away from all that. I, for one, think this is perfectly aligned with the true consumer perception of MomTok (scandal!), even if it does not match what appears in the MomTok brand guidelines.<\/p>\n Jordan invites Dakota over for some guy time since he\u2019s the only one Jordan knows who\u2019s dealt with this level of relationship struggle in public. Jordan says it\u2019ll be hard to explain it to his oldest daughter and that it\u2019s \u201csuper emasculating.\u201d Dakota hugs Jordan and advises him to pray to a higher power of his choosing and focus on his family since everything else is outside of his control. I\u2019m tempted to make a joke about these two bozos solving the male-loneliness crisis, but I find it genuinely endearing that Dakota is whipping out his recovery toolbox to help out a friend going through it.<\/p>\n Those feelings left my body immediately once Zac showed up on the screen. He and Jen are living in Arizona, focusing on their marriage and doing a lot of therapy. Fresh from a session, Jen explains how everyone knows about postpartum depression, but not prenatal depression, which was what she was experiencing last season. They\u2019ll be driving back to Utah in a few weeks to have their new baby there. Jen is stressed because she has some tough conversations ahead, including making amends with Jessi for saying her husband has a small weiner. Oh, no, not more fuel for Jordan\u2019s \u201cemasculation\u201d fire. I do not like where this could be heading.<\/p>\n Back in Utah, Jessi has Mayci and Mikayla over to detail the Marciano sitch. She gives her whole spiel and adds further information about how Marciano blacked out and fell asleep on her bed while she was up all night panicking about the consequences of her (presumably intercourse-free) actions. Even though Jessi reminds them that horny guys get pre-cum in their undies on the regular, especially while on drugs, Mayci and Mikayla are skeptical after leaving. They think something feels off. What feels off to me is Mayci making a joke about how \u201cthese things happen\u201d when you drink alcohol, and how Jessi shouldn\u2019t have left the church.<\/p>\n At Layla\u2019s birthday dinner, the girls discover that a mole among their dwindling ranks has been sneaking information to Demi. Their tip-off was Bret doing drive-bys while Mayci and Mikayla were at Jessi\u2019s, and Demi texting them right after to gossip. Jessi thinks Layla and Miranda are the two most likely suspects. Layla offers to show her phone logs as proof of her innocence. Miranda doesn\u2019t even know what planet she\u2019s on. Whatever Miranda\u2019s reps negotiated contract-wise, good on them. She puts on cute little outfits, gets full glam done, smiles and nods, then collects her check.<\/p>\n Once the girls\u2019 dinner transforms into Layla\u2019s full birthday party, things escalate into madness. Harbinger of mess Liann is there because \u201cshe had a business event in the area.\u201d Okay, sweetie! Jordan continues yapping about being emasculated and being less of a man for staying with his wife. Chase from the Halloween party<\/a> shows up to stir the pot. His mere appearance causes a full meltdown for multiple attendees. Not a single soul in attendance is happy to see this man besides Layla. He has a podcast that I will not name here because I refuse to give straight-dude chatcasts free publicity. All you need to know is that he regularly drags MomTok and its members.<\/p>\n On one hand, if Layla wanted to bone this man\u2019s brother, surely she could have set up a double date instead of inviting MomTok enemy No. 1 to this contractually obligated event. On the other hand (unless there was some wild producer manipulation), Mayci and Mikayla were given a heads-up at JZ Styles that he was on the guest list. We saw it earlier in the episode. On a third hand, a reminder that this birthday party is to celebrate Layla\u2019s 24th birthday. Twenty-four!<\/p>\n Jessi tries to resolve the situation between Layla and Mayci\/Mikayla, which is what pushes Jordan over the edge. Her getting involved in the drama \u201cmakes him feel like he has no value.\u201d He cries in the snow as Dakota pulls up in his Tacoma to ferry him to safety. It\u2019s all a textbook case of how the real villain of this show remains the Mormon church. You take repression and traditional gender roles and an obsession with purity and perception, then smash all of that into the algorithm economy, throw a Cialis into the mix, and we end up in places like this one.<\/p>\n And it appears we shall embark on many similar journeys this season. We\u2019ve got more secrets! More toxic men! More discussion of the mole! Taylor promising to make someone\u2019s life \u201ca miserable fucking hell\u201d yet again! But MomTok is sisterhood. So everything will be fine. And if it\u2019s not, all the better for the content machine.<\/p>\n VULTURE NEWSLETTER<\/p>\n Keep up with all the drama of your favorite shows!<\/p>\n Vox Media, LLC Terms and Privacy Notice<\/p>\n