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It was only a matter of time. If you put two women in the opening credits of a reality television program, they will eventually have to appear on it. And in this episode, they do indeed. Demi isn\u2019t back to full confessional status yet, although it\u2019s clearly imminent. But Whitney is.<\/p>\n
And here\u2019s where I have to admit something: I love Whitney. Not in a \u201cwow, I can totally picture us being besties!\u201d kind of way. It\u2019s more that there are several flavors of reality stars I find irresistible. My absolute favorite is a newly sober disaster who\u2019s trying to be better but keeps getting in their own way. My second favorite is \u201cunwilling or unable to play by the rules.\u201d This is Whitney. She\u2019s constantly saying the things you\u2019re not supposed to say. She treats group shoots like she\u2019s auditioning for a Tennessee Williams production. Her kayfabe<\/a> is all over the place. It\u2019s magnetic!<\/p>\n Before we get to Whitney, though, the girls must debrief Jessi on Jordan\u2019s barbecue. Mayci and Mikayla rag on Jordan\u2019s church voice and disingenuous crying. Taylor pushes back and says she could see his points and that he \u201cadmitted being controlling and awful, and that\u2019s a man who loves his wife.\u201d I can usually follow even the most unhinged logic on this show, but we\u2019ve got to draw a line somewhere. Jessi reports that Jordan has been slightly better, doing things like \u201cputting the kids to bed.\u201d We\u2019ve got to raise the bar even to ground level. This is so bleak.<\/p>\n Down on the farm, MomTok gathers to pet baby goats and hear a big piece of news from Taylor. She\u2019s not pregnant, but rather heard from her reps that Dancing With the Stars wants to choose one of them for the show while they\u2019re all in Los Angeles next week. Jen is exhilarated and ready to salsa her tuchis off, postpartum logistics be damned. Separately, Miranda gives a courtesy notice to all nemeses of Whitney that Whitney may attend her upcoming birthday party. Her thinking is that it\u2019s important to maintain cordial status with all outcasts, enemies, and\/or ghosters since they\u2019ll all be crammed together on this L.A. press tour soon enough. This is why Miranda is the sleeper option for MomTok CEO (COO, if she wants to play it even smarter).<\/p>\n Mayci and Mikayla, meanwhile, continue on their streak of being the producers\u2019 darlings. So far this season, they\u2019re getting to show off both range and depth in their story lines. We\u2019ve got the campy detective stuff. And we\u2019ve also got them bonding over how to move through a history of abuse in current relationships. Mikayla comes over to Mayci\u2019s to talk about how the therapy she\u2019s been doing for her past sexual abuse is helping, but she\u2019s still struggling to not feel shame and anger around sex in her marriage. She plans to try a different therapy modality, which we\u2019ll see in action later.<\/p>\n But first, Whitney wears an absolutely singular outfit. She has taken the dress-code section of the MomTok brand book and fed it to a wild boar. To meet up with two friends, she dons pedal pushers, a Mickey Mouse T-shirt, tiny glasses, and zero glam. It\u2019s all very \u201cabout to walk the red carpet at the 2004 Nickelodeon Kids\u2019 Choice Awards.\u201d To make things even nuttier, she proceeds to explain that her team informed her that if she started filming again, she could audition for Dancing With the Stars. Thus, she is filming again. I cannot help but respect this level of honesty.<\/p>\n Demi is also backish. There\u2019s a big disclaimer across the screen that what we see from the Hydrojug Influencer Event is \u201cCast Footage.\u201d Production wasn\u2019t scheduled that day, but no worries! The panopticon lives inside the house. Everyone got out their phones and supposedly shot all of this. My favorite is the conversation between Layla and Demi, which is shot from two separate angles, and neither shooter gets in the other\u2019s frame. This is either very impressive camerawork from Taylor\u2019s sister and mom or a dramatic reenactment.<\/p>\n Either way, Demi almost apologizes to Layla for how she acted at the airplane hangar, but decides to do a quick pivot. She quadruples down on the Jessi-Marciano-boning narrative and calls Layla an ignorant dumbass. Taylor yanks Layla away. Back in the ballroom, Demi crotch-chops at Jessi. This gets Jessi screaming, \u201cYou know nothing!\u201d across the room. Taylor does more yanking, and Jen continues on with her modern-day Cassandra thing, mumbling how she said this from the beginning, but no one listened. At least he dinner rolls looked good.<\/p>\n Then it\u2019s time for Miranda\u2019s birthday party. It\u2019s at an arcade, and the only men who are in attendance are Layla\u2019s date, Mason (podcast guy Chase\u2019s brother), Jace, and Conner \u2014 yes, THAT Conner. He puts on the same blond wig everyone else wears, and the moms even say good-bye to him when Whitney eventually drags him out. Whitney has a very solid weapon in her arsenal, and she is not deploying it. Let Conner gab with the gals! Or at minimum, let him pick out the couple\u2019s costumes. Because Whitney does not wear the wig. Upon her arrival, almost everyone abruptly exits the vicinity, leaving Jen and Whitney to argue about who ghosted who (I\u2019m torn), who is friends with Demi (Whitney), and who is only there for her own opportunities (Whitney, by her own admission). Separately, Jace learns the difficulty of eating food while having hair, and Mikayla tells him she\u2019s booked an EMDR session.<\/p>\n I\u2019m still on the fence when it comes to the sheer quantity of therapy sessions we see on this show. On the one hand, it\u2019s cool to see so many different modalities in action, and I especially feel that any trad-man digging into feelings representation is probably a good thing. But at the same time, it gives me a deep and festering ick. My brain is screaming \u201cHIPAA VIOLATION!\u201d I\u2019m gnawing at my cuticles, thinking about whether these women also have sessions where they\u2019re not doing a performance for television. Because these issues are no joke, and I hope Mikayla has more support than the few minutes of EMDR and the subsequent sex-therapist referral we see here.<\/p>\n After the session, she sits with Jace on the couch and talks about the potential of doing couples sex therapy. He wants to try it to better understand her issues and help her feel like she\u2019s not the only one who has to work on stuff. It sucks that Mikayla feels her childhood sexual abuse is a burden to shoulder alone, but I\u2019m genuinely rooting for these two.<\/p>\n Back in the world of petty problems, all active MomTok members get Taco Bell takeout and invite Whitney over to plead her case. In a unanimous vote the day prior, Taylor was reinstated as the official CEO and leader of MomTok. She will serve as their brand bulldog, considering everyone else is afraid of conflict, and Taylor\u2019s default demeanor is \u201cLEMME AT \u2019EM!\u201d Whitney waltzes in donning an \u201cI Feel Like 2007 Britney\u201d T-shirt, and it\u2019s off to the races. Taylor launches right into it with: \u201cWhy are you here? What do you want? Dancing With yhe Stars?\u201d Whitney could have saved so much collective cortisol by just saying, \u201cYep, that\u2019s exactly it! Are there any Crunchwrap Supremes left?\u201d<\/p>\n She does not say that, however. Instead she blabs about how her last reinstatement vote felt insincere and how Demi was the only one there for her. She then cries about being exhausted from trying to rebuild relationships. Mikayla is not distracted by the tears and strong-arms Whitney into taking accountability that she\u2019s just here for DWTS. Whitney changes her tune and basically says, \u201cYep, I\u2019m excited for one of us to get it, but I\u2019m not coming back to the sisterhood.\u201d Jessi asks how this is going to work \u2014 is Whitney going to film alone? Of course not! She calmly states she\u2019s going to start her own MomTok. Everyone erupts into a massive spit take. Baja Blast droplets and damp crumbles of Cinnamon Twists spew across the room.<\/p>\n So Whitney storms out and declares she will be getting Dancing With the Stars. Delusion! Sometimes<\/a> it really takes you far.<\/p>\n VULTURE NEWSLETTER<\/p>\n Keep up with all the drama of your favorite shows!<\/p>\n Vox Media, LLC Terms and Privacy Notice<\/p>\n