The trickery of lipstick colours <\/p>\n
I\u2019ve been partial to a pale pink lipstick ever since I saw Amanda Holden sporting her glossy pastel on Britain\u2019s Got Talent. I\u2019ve probably spent hundreds of hours poking and prying at lipstick offerings in pharmacies (waiting for prescriptions), duty-free stores (waiting for a flight) and makeup counters in department stores overseas (wasting time).<\/p>\n
Amanda Holden sporting her signature pale-pink lipstick. \/ Getty Images<\/p>\n
Why is it that the colours printed on the end of lipstick tubes look nothing like the colour of the actual lipstick? If Resene can get a test pot of paint to be pretty close, why can\u2019t cosmetic companies? <\/p>\n
Helpful makeup assistants help me test promising-looking lipsticks across a wide range of brands. Their wrists and mine invariably end up with garish stripes of bright cerise pink, cherry red, burgundy, reddish brown, dark brown, pale apricot, dark apricot and unidentifiable yuck colours. Deep in my Box of Failures are tubes of lipstick I have bought as a punt, because someone had nicked the tester. <\/p>\n
The mystery of liquid foundations <\/p>\n
Every now and then I brave one of those cosmetic floors in large stores where flawless young women wearing eyeliner, and false eyelashes with enough upward curve to scoop up autumn leaves, will offer to give me a makeover. They will, they promise, find me a foundation that will match my troublesome skin tone. <\/p>\n
After 40 minutes of smoothing, blending and brushing, I leave with a bag of expensive beauty products courtesy of my credit card. I\u2019m feeling, and looking, pretty good, I think. <\/p>\n
By the next morning, the new foundation is skulking in the Box of Failures. It\u2019s too yellowy, or too tan, or too dark for my liking. Sometimes I give them away to a friend in Queenstown who LOVES it when I go makeup shopping. <\/p>\n
Stubborn eye makeup removers <\/p>\n
A makeup expert once told me, \u201cBe gentle with your eyes. They\u2019re the only ones you\u2019ve got.\u201d Don\u2019t rub, she told me. Just dab gently to remove eye makeup. <\/p>\n
But therein lies the problem. Why can\u2019t the multibillion-dollar skincare industry invent an eye makeup remover that actually works? A creamy mixture that doesn\u2019t require rubbing, doesn\u2019t sting, or leave an oily film on the eye? (To make the job easier, I never wear waterproof mascara, which means I look like a weeping panda when I go swimming.)<\/p>\n
I\u2019ve tried just about every watery eye-makeup remover on the market. Most of it ends up on the cotton pad. So I keep soaking and dabbing, resenting the amount of expensive liquid that isn\u2019t doing much, unless I rub, which I\u2019m not supposed to do. Now I swear that very warm water on a cotton pad does the job just as well and is way cheaper. <\/p>\n
Who has the time? <\/p>\n
Curiously, both the Beckhams popped up on my social media feed the other day. David was in his Cotswolds garden, showing off his hens, spring onions and kale. Then Victoria popped up, clad in white towelling, telling her followers (am I one?) how to use a facial sculpting pen from her Victoria Beckham Beauty range. <\/p>\n
She showed us, at length, how she draws brown lines on her face: one down each side of her nose and on the tip, two lines below each cheekbone, a long line under her jawbone, two crosses on each side of her forehead (weird), a smudge under her lower lashes and more on her upper eyelid. Then she started to blend, by which time I was losing the will to live. <\/p>\n
Victoria Beckham uses a contour sculpting pen underneath her makeup. Photo \/ Joel Ryan\/Invision\/AP <\/p>\n
Meanwhile, I imagine David had collected the eggs, picked the veges, made himself a kale omelette, garnished with finely chopped spring onions, and eaten it in the time that his wife took to apply what turned out to be a \u201cbase\u201d only. There was more makeup to come, much more. Who has the time, people? <\/p>\n
No, what I need is one of those 3D, AI tech-type boffins to come up with an instant fix, something like a rice-paper skin that can be pre-programmed \u2013 pale pink lipstick, perfectly matching foundation and all – applied in the morning and peeled off at night. Now wouldn\u2019t that be wonderful. <\/p>\n