{"id":156029,"date":"2025-11-27T08:23:12","date_gmt":"2025-11-27T08:23:12","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/156029\/"},"modified":"2025-11-27T08:23:12","modified_gmt":"2025-11-27T08:23:12","slug":"heartbreaking-plea-from-parents-of-slain-sydney-sports-coach","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/156029\/","title":{"rendered":"Heartbreaking plea from parents of slain Sydney sports coach"},"content":{"rendered":"

The parents of a vibrant water polo coach killed by her ex-boyfriend spend every day wondering what they could have done to prevent their daughter’s death.<\/p>\n

In their grief, they hope Lilie James’ legacy will usher in positive change \u2013 and an end to “good bloke” narratives.<\/p>\n

A senior coroner on Thursday found James’ “senseless and violent” death inside her workplace was indicative of the alarming and persistent scourge of gendered and domestic violence in Australia.<\/p>\n

The 21-year-old was killed when Paul Thijssen struck her in the head with a hammer at least 25 times inside St Andrew’s Cathedral School in Sydney on October 25, 2023.<\/p>\n

She had ended their casual relationship five days earlier, prompting Thijssen to stalk her and then plan her murder, an inquest was told.<\/p>\n

Hours before he enacted his deadly plan, Thijssen was captured on security footage practising the murder, alternating the hammer between his hands as he lunged forward and pushed open a bathroom door.<\/p>\n

\"Paul<\/p>\n

Paul Thijssen outside the gym bathroom before killing ex-girlfriend Lilie James. (Source: NSW Coroners Court)<\/p>\n

The 24-year-old had a history of controlling behaviour towards women but opportunities to address them were missed, the inquest was told.<\/p>\n

“Lilie’s death is not an isolated tragedy,” State Coroner Teresa O’Sullivan said.<\/p>\n

“It is part of a devastating pattern of violence against women that demands urgent and sustained action.”<\/p>\n

‘Good blokes’ narrative ‘disheartening, cruel’<\/p>\n

\"Paul<\/p>\n

Paul Thijssen. (Source: LinkedIn)<\/p>\n

After the inquest findings were handed down, James’ father stressed the importance of awareness, education, and speaking out.<\/p>\n

“Please, if it’s been a while since you talked about violence or abuse against women, whether that’s at home, at work or with friends or in the community, please start that conversation,” Jamie James said.<\/p>\n

He and wife Peta said their daughter’s life had been cut “way too short” and they wondered every day what they could have done to prevent it.<\/p>\n

Domestic violence experts during the inquest criticised “unhelpful” descriptions of the attack as “out of character” for Thijssen, highlighting his previous pattern of coercive control.<\/p>\n

\"Where<\/p>\n

Where to get help for domestic violence. (Source: 1News)<\/p>\n

Days after James was killed, Thijssen was remembered as “an absolute delight” by his former principal during a lengthy address to the parents and students of elite all-boys school Shore.<\/p>\n

“He was not a monster; rather, in the last five hours of his life, he committed a monstrous act,” John Collier wrote in 2023.<\/p>\n

James echoed the coroner’s recommendation that media do their part to not reinforce unhelpful community stereotypes.<\/p>\n

“Please don’t report on positive comments saying people are good blokes and delightful,” James said.<\/p>\n

“It’s disheartening and it’s cruel.”<\/p>\n

Peta James had earlier used the inquest to warn parents were setting girls and women up for failure if unwilling to teach “our sons how to respect a woman’s opinions and choices, and accept rejection”.<\/p>\n

‘Lessons to learn’<\/p>\n

\"Sydney<\/p>\n

Sydney water polo coach Lilie James. (Source: Nine)<\/p>\n

Police had not been made aware of Thijssen’s stalking and controlling behaviour in the lead-up to James’ death \u2013 but his friends had seen flashes.<\/p>\n

These incidents, including location tracking of women, were opportunities to call him out but some of those behaviours have become normalised among young people, a domestic violence expert testified.<\/p>\n

The coroner highlighted the need for widespread reform.<\/p>\n

She recommended bolstering education and awareness programmes, particularly around the identification of coercive control and technology-facilitated abuse.<\/p>\n

When James had previously tried to break up with Thijssen, he lashed out with degrading, derogatory, and manipulative language in a bid to control her.<\/p>\n

He obsessively checked her location on social media platform Snapchat and shared an intimate image of James in a move experts say was calculated to assert dominance.<\/p>\n

Information and advice services should be developed \u2013 particularly for young men aged between 19 and 24 \u2013 around respectful relationship behaviours, the coroner found.<\/p>\n

“There are lessons to learn from these tragic circumstances,” O’Sullivan said.<\/p>\n

“More needs to be done through education and cultural change to challenge attitudes that drive this violence and to protect women’s lives.”<\/p>\n

Thijssen took his own life hours after killing James.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"The parents of a vibrant water polo coach killed by her ex-boyfriend spend every day wondering what they…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":156030,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[85,67,42,43,40,38,41,39],"class_list":{"0":"post-156029","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-headlines","8":"tag-australia","9":"tag-crime-and-justice","10":"tag-headlines","11":"tag-news","12":"tag-top-news","13":"tag-top-stories","14":"tag-topnews","15":"tag-topstories"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/156029","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=156029"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/156029\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/156030"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=156029"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=156029"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=156029"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}