Onboard an NAC flight in 1977, also known as “the burnt orange age of travel”.<\/p>\n
\u201cAir travel is a miracle of American ingenuity,\u201d says the campaign video voiceover. \u201cFlying was a bastion of civility. But today …\u201d<\/p>\n
Chaos ensues. The montage of real-life passenger behaviour includes hair-pulling, punching and a pair of pink heart-emblazoned pyjama bottoms that should not have left the house, let alone a runway.<\/p>\n
\u201cLet\u2019s bring civility and manners back,\u201d says America\u2019s transportation secretary Sean Duffy. \u201cAsk yourself, are you helping a pregnant woman put her bag in the overhead bin? Are you dressing with respect?\u201d<\/p>\n
(I image-searched New Zealand\u2019s own Transport Minister and the 10th photograph of Chris Bishop showed the member for Hutt South wearing a pink shirt and a mullet. He looked like he was auditioning as an extra in The Unruly Tourists. Respectfully).<\/p>\n
Never underestimate the power of a sharp suit but when you live in New Zealand and want to go to say, Europe, the worst thing that can happen to you on a 24- to 35-hour flight is, literally, the 24- to 35-hour flight.<\/p>\n
On the sliding scale of things I hate about planes, my seatmate\u2019s dress is less of a concern than the fact that I have seatmates \u2013 including ones I am related to by law.<\/p>\n
My husband is such a dreadful flyer that when he begins his deranged pacing and cabin calisthenics, I feign sleep or pretend I don\u2019t know him. Once, I did drift off. When I woke, I found him (eventually) standing in semi-darkness in the extra legroom space of the front row of the economy cabin.<\/p>\n
\u201cThey paid for that space,\u201d I hissed. \u201cDo you not think they might have thought you were Very Very Weird?\u201d His response was not reassuring. \u201cI wasn\u2019t staring at them the whole time.\u201d<\/p>\n
Flying brings out the belligerent. It gives people a disproportionate sense of entitlement to space and it skews their sense of time. My sister-in-law, for example, won\u2019t join a boarding queue until the eleventeenth second. <\/p>\n
\u201cThere\u2019s no point,\u201d she says. <\/p>\n
\u201cBut imagine if everybody thought like that,\u201d I reply. (I am speaking in capital letters but my lips are not moving because the worst place on earth to argue with someone is the tail end of a queue heading for a confined space you will be sharing for 24-35 hours).<\/p>\n
Air New Zealand’s flight crew have gone through almost as many uniform changes over the years as its passengers have enjoyed hot dinners.<\/p>\n
How should one dress to ensure one doesn\u2019t bite anyone en route to Europe? Air New Zealand\u2019s online chatbot Oscar suggested something tidy and comfortable: \u201cOn medium and long haul flights, stretchy clothes are good. You need to wear footwear for health and safety reasons, unless you\u2019re a baby. Baby\u2019s twinkle toes are allowed to go barefoot.\u201d<\/p>\n