{"id":189238,"date":"2025-12-18T01:59:10","date_gmt":"2025-12-18T01:59:10","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/189238\/"},"modified":"2025-12-18T01:59:10","modified_gmt":"2025-12-18T01:59:10","slug":"crushed-by-the-costs-the-hidden-financial-strain-of-the-orthodox-middle-class","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/189238\/","title":{"rendered":"Crushed by the Costs: The Hidden Financial Strain of the Orthodox Middle Class"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

Not All Heroes\u00a0Wear Capes\u00a0<\/p>\n

Two of my heroes\u00a0wear\u00a0invisible\u00a0capes. Their names are Yechezkel and Tamar, and you\u00a0probably never\u00a0heard of them. They have not invented a cure to heal any major illness, founded a life-changing program or done anything else that would put them in headlines.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n

Until last December, they were like any other upwardly mobile\u00a0frum\u00a0couple. Thirty years old and newly married without children yet, the couple were living the life they thought they were raised to live in their suburban Orthodox community. Yechezkel worked in real estate, while Tamar was a secretary. They drove a late-model sedan, lived in a spacious two-bedroom apartment with a $3,500 monthly rent, and even gave\u00a0tzedakah\u00a0whenever possible. But even without the expenses of children, they were overspending on what felt like necessities. They chose the nicer apartment when a perfectly adequate place for $2,300 was available, upgrading their lifestyle to match their combined income rather than\u00a0building for\u00a0their future.\u00a0<\/p>\n

But they started to confront unexpected financial\u00a0tribulation. Their expenses were growing, and their marriage was floundering as a result.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n

Sadly, their story is far from unique. Across the country, countless\u00a0frum\u00a0couples are quietly struggling in similar ways\u2014hard-working families without a clear plan toward financial stability, caught in a cycle of credit card debt and high-interest mortgages.\u00a0<\/p>\n

As executive director of Collective Kindness, a growing nonprofit that helps struggling middle-class families with a hand up,\u00a0I\u2019ve\u00a0seen how widespread this has become.\u00a0I\u2019ve\u00a0seen how many hard-working\u00a0frum\u00a0families are feeling the financial strain and hoping things will somehow work out. These are not irresponsible people;\u00a0they\u2019re\u00a0doing their best but often lack a clear plan for long-term financial stability.\u00a0I\u2019ve\u00a0met families earning $220,000 a year who, after paying $80,000 in tuition for five children, are barely managing to stay afloat. According to every metric,\u00a0they\u2019re\u00a0crushing it. But\u00a0they\u2019re\u00a0anything\u00a0but.\u00a0<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve\u00a0met families earning $220,000 a year who, after paying $80,000 in tuition for five children, are barely managing to stay afloat. According to every metric,\u00a0they\u2019re\u00a0crushing it. But\u00a0they\u2019re\u00a0anything\u00a0but.\u00a0<\/p>\n

The 2024\u00a0Kosher Money\u00a0\u201cFrum\u00a0Finance Survey,\u201d an open-access web survey conducted in consultation with Dr. Michelle Shain, of the Jewish Non-Profit Planning and Research Institute, in partnership with Living Smarter Jewish, took a hard look at the financial well-being of nearly 3,000 Orthodox families, the majority of whom live in the Northeast of the US.\u00a0Kosher Money\u00a0is a podcast created by Living\u00a0Lchaim\u00a0and sponsored by Living Smarter Jewish, a financial literacy initiative of the Orthodox Union. The study found that even families with annual incomes of $250,000 to $300,000 feel financially strained. Even among those earning more than $300,000 annually, 30 percent of those who responded reported they feel as if they were struggling.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

The Silent Stigma\u00a0<\/p>\n

And\u00a0it\u2019s\u00a0not just a feeling. The problems are real. And they are often left unsolved, with little help offered to guide people. Financial issues are not only being experienced by those under the poverty line. The average family, the one with two incomes and a respectable quarter-page ad at the\u00a0yeshivah\u00a0dinner, is having\u00a0a hard time\u00a0financially, too.\u00a0<\/p>\n

You may not know about it, but there is a silent stigma in our community that prevents us from discussing this issue in the open.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Of those who responded to the study, more than 40 percent of couples over forty years old\u00a0don\u2019t\u00a0pay off their credit card balances monthly. Fewer than half of the families in our communities own more than $100,000 in assets other than their homes, the same study reported. Many of us do not have enough to cover even one month\u2019s expenses.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n

The list goes on, and I\u00a0don\u2019t\u00a0need to tell you about it because this may very well be your experience or that of someone you know.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n

But what Yechezkel and Tamar did next make them heroic in my eyes.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

Making Difficult Decisions\u00a0<\/p>\n

They broke their lease, gave up their apartment and cut\u00a0up\u00a0their credit cards while making a plan with a debt expert. The couple made the difficult decision to temporarily move into a relative\u2019s backhouse in another state, a small, modest space that allowed them to slash their housing costs while they worked toward financial stability. It\u00a0wasn\u2019t\u00a0easy, and it certainly\u00a0wasn\u2019t\u00a0without its awkward moments and bruised pride, but it gave them breathing room to rebuild without the crushing weight of a $3,500 monthly rent payment.\u00a0<\/p>\n

They are choosing to live within their means.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n

The major changes were\u00a0very difficult\u00a0for them. There was unspoken pity from their friends, the uncertainty of leaving the tri-state area to move across the country, and the challenge of having to curb their spending.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n

Many of us worry that if we live too frugally,\u00a0we\u2019ll\u00a0be constantly burdened and unhappy. But . . . out-of-control spending and the uncertainty it brings are much more stressful.\u00a0<\/p>\n

But there was also the euphoria of being free from mounting debt, from doing things \u201cjust because,\u201d and from the stress of choosing which bills to pay and which to ignore. They took a difficult path,\u00a0perhaps more\u00a0radical than many of us would take.\u00a0But we can do some of what they did and make adjustments in our lives.\u00a0Many of us believe we are willing to take on such a challenge. But when push comes to shove, we hesitate to give up on the things we consider necessities.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n

And the truth is,\u00a0it\u2019s\u00a0not our fault, because there are some expensive things that truly are not luxuries. Day school tuition is\u00a0a must, housing within a metro area near shuls and schools is\u00a0a must, matzah on Pesach is\u00a0a must, and so is kosher food.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n

More people in Orthodox communities across the country are struggling financially each year. Expenses are rising, societal pressures are\u00a0increasing\u00a0and our salaries are\u00a0lagging behind. The problems we are facing must be addressed by Orthodox leaders, both on a national and communal scale. But every couple and individual\u00a0has\u00a0the power to change the course of their financial well-being and take control of their own situation.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n

One of our clients is having\u00a0a difficult time\u00a0financially, and his marriage is affected as a result. One issue the couple is currently\u00a0working through\u00a0together is what to do in a few months when they welcome a son. In their community,\u00a0it\u2019s\u00a0a given that they throw a lavish\u00a0brit\u00a0in a hall or a shul. But they\u00a0don\u2019t\u00a0have money for Pampers, let alone party planners.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n

They know the answer is to \u201cdowngrade\u201d to a simple affair in their house for a small group of family and close friends. At the same time, they are grappling with the inner voice that says: \u201cWhat will everyone say about us? We just\u00a0can\u2019t.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n

But they can. And they will. The good thing is that every time an individual chooses to forgo a luxury that \u201ceveryone\u201d thinks they need, it becomes easier for others to follow suit. When you limit your son\u2019s bar mitzvah to a\u00a0kiddush, that gives permission for others to follow. When you drive the perfectly fine car you bought last decade, you normalize it for others. And the cycle grows from one family to the next.\u00a0<\/p>\n

A member of the\u00a0Kosher Money\u00a0WhatsApp chat\u2014run by\u00a0Kosher Money\u00a0podcast host Eli Langer\u2014shared recently: \u201cA caterer\u2019s wife, who handles the business\u2019 books, said, \u2018You have no idea how much we are owed. How many of these blowout\u00a0kiddushim\u00a0are being paid out over six months.\u00a0Zelles\u00a0from a million different people just to pay for that one person\u2019s single\u00a0kiddush.\u00a0If only people knew.\u2019\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n

Anyone involved in\u00a0finances\u00a0can tell you how compound interest works. You get a little bit of money each month\u2014not a lot\u2014but you add it to your investment and then further invest it. The account builds slowly, and over the course of decades, you can\u00a0build up\u00a0a respectable retirement fund out of nickels and dimes.\u00a0<\/p>\n

The same works in other areas of life, as well. Buying generic cereal may be a small\u00a0savings, but\u00a0add\u00a0it together throughout the year and it saves you a lot of money.\u00a0Stick to those habits over the course of years with a compound effect, and you will have saved thousands of dollars.\u00a0At the same time, you will teach your kids valuable lessons that they, too, will carry on for the rest of their lives.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Expenses are rising, societal pressures are\u00a0increasing\u00a0and our salaries are\u00a0lagging behind.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Rochel is a woman I know who is not wealthy. She and her husband both work in\u00a0klei\u00a0kodesh\u00a0(Jewish communal work). There is not a lot of extra money to go around. But she has some tricks to smooth things out. Whenever she gets cash, she puts it away in an envelope. Over time, that money adds up. And when it comes time to\u00a0purchase\u00a0a pair of tefillin\u00a0for one of their sons, she has the money ready, allowing them to spend on the other\u00a0bar\u00a0mitzvah\u2013related expenses without spiraling out of control.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n

Many of us worry that if we live too frugally,\u00a0we\u2019ll\u00a0be constantly burdened and unhappy. But I have spoken to many people who say the opposite is true. Out-of-control spending and the uncertainty it brings are much more stressful.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n

One couple who came to see us for financial counseling was referred by their therapist. When they first arrived, they were in a difficult place, receiving over $5,000 in\u00a0assistance\u00a0a month from family and friends, all while trying to work on difficulties in their relationship. Once they began working with us to make real changes in their life, everything slowly started to shift. They began to look up and had a positive perspective on their future. The husband, who was out of work, got\u00a0a good job\u00a0and even took on\u00a0additional\u00a0side work to accelerate debt repayment. The wife became mindful of her grocery spending, they cancelled a significant\u00a0amount\u00a0of subscriptions, and they\u00a0negotiated down\u00a0their insurance monthly payments.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Most importantly, they began to see each other differently. Couples who work to make changes will have additional respect and appreciation for one another, with each putting in real effort toward building a healthier financial and family life, all while becoming cash-flow positive. With a few more months of steady progress and the completion of some loan payments over the next two years, they will be in a position to pay off debt, build an emergency fund and live fully within their means, something they\u2019ve never really done before. \u00a0<\/p>\n

It\u2019s\u00a0time we acknowledge openly within ourselves and our communities that financial struggles are widespread, and that\u00a0there\u2019s\u00a0no shame in seeking help. Resources exist for families working hard but still struggling to make ends meet. The OU\u2019s Living Smarter Jewish, which was started to help\u00a0frum\u00a0families cope with the rising costs of a\u00a0frum\u00a0lifestyle, pairs experienced financial coaches with families to develop sustainable budgets. Additionally, the organization I run, Collective Kindness, has launched a new initiative that helps families assess their debt and create actionable plans toward solvency, all without hidden agendas or profit motives (http:\/\/kosherdebthelp.com<\/a>). Hope exists, and with Hashem\u2019s help, we can come together as a community to build\u00a0financial responsibility\u00a0and security for all our families.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

Shalom Goodman is co-founder and executive director of Collective Kindness, a nonprofit supporting Jewish families navigating financial challenges. He was previously an editor at the\u00a0Wall Street Journal.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

More in this section:\u00a0<\/p>\n

Crushed by the Costs: The Hidden Financial Strain of the Orthodox Middle Class\u00a0by Shalom Goodman\u00a0<\/a><\/p>\n

Financial Minimalism\u00a0by Rivka Resnik\u00a0<\/a><\/p>\n

The Cost of Community:\u00a0The OU\u2019s Bold Effort to\u00a0Make\u00a0Frum\u00a0Life Sustainable\u00a0by Tova Cohen\u00a0<\/a><\/p>\n

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