![](\"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/12\/0e1fbb24ad15caaae3d11bbddaf0555a84-rhobh-ep3-2.rsquare.w400.png\")
<\/p>\n <\/p>\n
\n After Boz invites all the single ladies over for a speed-dating event that turns into a mini episode of Love Hotel, we get an update on all their love lives.
\n Photo: Bravo\n <\/p>\n
This week on our favorite show, Single Women Doing Things, the single women did things. They all showed up in LBDs (that stands for Limos By Daniel, an elite carpooling service that all reality productions use) and little black dresses to go on a bunch of speed dates, and one of them brought a Mini-Kelly. They went to help their daughter pick out flowers for her wedding and slapped a giant, green ostrich Birkin on the table. They met for lunch to talk about finances, and there was a seat just for a Birkin, which they all joked about stealing.<\/p>\n
I\u2019m tired of the fucking Birkins. We get it. You\u2019re rich. You\u2019re carrying two pounds of leather on your arm that costs as much as a car. Good for fucking you. And I know that some are Kellys and some are Birkins, and I might be calling a Kelly a Birkin and vice versa, but, know what, I don\u2019t give a rip<\/a>. These bags are dumb, they\u2019re ugly, and the only thing they do is signify that you have enough money and met a Herm\u00e8s sales associate who was happy to take it from you. The worst part is, they\u2019re all carrying them around unclasped all the time. I thought maybe it was a cool girl thing or perhaps that they wanted to spill their secrets on the sidewalk between the car and the Chanel store on Rodeo, but no, that\u2019s not even it. When I talked about this on my girl Amy O\u2019Dell\u2019s podcast<\/a>, the commenters said it\u2019s because it\u2019s tough to work the clasps on these bags. Shut the fuck up. You mean I\u2019m going to pay $30,000 for a bag, and closing it is going to be a chore? For that much money, you\u2019d better send me a robotic Labubu that opens and closes that thing for me and lives in a pocket dimension inside the bag so that it doesn\u2019t take up any storage space. Even worse than the money, even worse than the Skittles colors all of the women buy them in, even worse than the faulty hardware is that they do not connote anything, including exclusivity. Everyone has one now. It\u2019s not like Samantha Jones has to steal Lucy Liu\u2019s anymore. Each of these women buys them to say, \u201cI\u2019m in the club. I\u2019m in the club,\u201d and it\u2019s just this club of rich assholes with no fucking taste. Who wants to be in that club? You have the fucking money, why don\u2019t you buy some taste or at least a stylist who has some who can show you a better place to spend your cash that might show you have an eye or an interest or a perspective outside of late-stage capitalism. Show that you don\u2019t need a club, that you are the fucking club, that you make your own club. You are a club of one, and you are special and gorgeous, and all the guys at the singles party want to fuck you because absolutely no one cares that you have a shelf full of fucking Birkins. AAAaaaaaand scene.<\/p>\n Yes, Boz has all the women over for a speed-dating event because, like the best seasons of The Real Housewives of New York City<\/a>, most of the gals are single. I love this concept, like a mini episode of Love Hotel, and I love that Boz dug through her own Rolodex (I know we\u2019re all old here and get this reference, right?) to find these guys herself. You know she\u2019s not messing with any ugly guys with terrible jobs or bad personalities. As I suspected, there are multiple lawyers, a real estate agent, the guy who invented ComicCon, and a comedian. Now wait a second. A comedian? Whose name do we not know? Is he filler? We saw a couple of the ladies balk at the nerdy ComicCon guy, but do you know how big that is? Do you know how much money he\u2019s making? These ladies need to pull a Jen Tilly and get some of that nerd money that never stops flowing.<\/p>\n The whole sequence with the dates showed a different side of the ladies: Dorit was flirty, Erika was scared, Sutton was game, Kyle was demure, and Rachel was like, \u201cScrew this whole thing, no one here appreciates my outfit or my love of Coldplay.\u201d I don\u2019t think any love matches were made during the event, but we did get to see the women mourning their relationships, both at the event and afterwards.<\/p>\n Let\u2019s start with Sutton. She did like Rick, a lawyer at Boz\u2019s house, but he gave his card to Erika instead, who passed it to Sutton in an act of generosity, but also with a little edge that said, \u201cI don\u2019t want the man you want, but okay.\u201d After the party, Sutton goes to Rachel\u2019s house to discuss the whole thing, but instead ends up talking about how her ex asked for her marriage to be annulled, which is such an asshole thing to do I can\u2019t believe the woman stayed married to him for that long, even if she still gets $300,000 a month in alimony<\/a>.<\/p>\n In confessional, Sutton says that, even after the divorce, she thought that she could get Christian (that\u2019s the ex) back any time, but when she found out from the church that he wanted an annulment, because he didn\u2019t even have the decency to tell her himself, she knew that it was finally over, like a ghost stopped haunting her living room. That has to be the hardest thing about this: he\u2019s taken everything, and she had no power over it, and she still doesn\u2019t. But now she\u2019s thinking of changing her name back to her maiden name. Rachel gives her great advice, \u201cYou\u2019re not a Stracke anymore. De-Stracke yourself.\u201d She then asks Sutton for her middle name, and when Sutton tells her it\u2019s Thurman, Rachel says, \u201cWell, that\u2019s harder.\u201d Oh, Rachel. Crack me up, already! But, yes, Sutton should totally be a Brown and put some fame on that name instead of Christian\u2019s tired old annulment-ass name. That\u2019s it. I\u2019m calling it. Hear ye, hear ye! From now on, in these pages, Sutton will forever be known as Sutton Brown. Long may she slay.<\/p>\n After the party, Dorit has lunch with Boz and newbie Amanda (who appears to have a bedazzled AmEx black card hanging on her wall) to talk about how things are going with her soon-to-be-ex husband, PK, a Birkin whose clasp won\u2019t shut. (Sorry, I\u2019m not over that.) We learn more details we already knew: they didn\u2019t have a prenup because he was broke when they got married, he handled all the finances, and he\u2019s paying the mortgage on that Encino house they can neither afford nor sell. But we also learned some doozies. Everything is in Dorit\u2019s name, so if he stops paying for things, her credit score is going to go down like the hockey players in Heated Rivalry<\/a>. Also she has no clue if there are any retirement savings, so she doesn\u2019t even know what she can go after in the divorce and you know that PK, a used toilet bowl clogged with a dead rat, is going to hide all the assets he possibly can.<\/p>\n Amanda knows that the financial picture looks grim; she knows that Dorit doesn\u2019t know as much as she should, and, while her training is as a therapist, not a financial analyst, she knows that Dorit and PK, a pissed-in pot, don\u2019t have a pot to piss in. When Boz asks her to give Dorit some financial advice, Amanda tells her to decide what kind of provider she wants to be. In confessional, Boz can\u2019t contain her laughter. It\u2019s like she got Suze Orman on the phone and said, \u201cListen to what this bitch said\u2026\u201d and then the two of them cackled while not buying a latte and instead putting that money in a Roth IRA.<\/p>\n The craziest conversation is the one that Kyle has with Boz and Rachel right after speed dating, where Boz is pumping Kyle for answers but asking things in such an oblique way that she won\u2019t mention a name that rhymes with Oregon Spade, an entirely fictional lesbian private detective that I made up that Kyle may or may not have been dating and may or may not have been in love with for years. What we can parse from Kyle\u2019s statements is that she and Oregon were dating and that she was in love with that person, but that love is over and it was not her choice. We kind of got all that in the last episode<\/a> from her conversation with Erika.<\/p>\n The interesting part comes when Kyle says, \u201cAsk me what you want to ask.\u201d Boz doesn\u2019t know what Kyle means. Kyle responds, \u201cI could go Brad, or I could go Angelina, that\u2019s what you want me to say, right?\u201d Boz asks her if she\u2019s serious, and Kyle says, \u201cI\u2019m half joking but not fully joking.\u201d Oh, I don\u2019t think she\u2019s joking at all; even saying that is as if all of the walls around Kyle\u2019s sexuality are crumbling. She says in confessional that one of her biggest worries when \u201cdating someone\u201d \u2014\u00a0and I think she means someone from Oregon \u2014\u00a0is what Mo, the girls, and the public are going to think about it. Yes, Kyle was concerned about everyone thinking she\u2019s a lesbian.<\/p>\n Here she is, acknowledging that she\u2019s not as straight as she once thought she was, and I give her credit for acknowledging it and still saying she doesn\u2019t know what is up. And she doesn\u2019t need to. She doesn\u2019t need labels; she doesn\u2019t need to tell us one way or another, but it is nice to hear that she is open, questioning, unsure, and looking to connect with a person rather than a gender. When Boz presses her about what she\u2019s looking for, Kyle says she doesn\u2019t know. Rachel comes in once again with great advice. \u201cTo be honest, I don\u2019t think you have to know,\u201d she says. \u201cYou have been with Mo forever. It\u2019s okay to be like, \u2018Now I\u2019m being fully me and whoever I connect with the most.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n Kyle, like all the women, is in mourning over her relationship, and the thing that struck me after speed dating is that the women were surprised she wasn\u2019t open to meeting anyone. They said she\u2019s \u201cthree years in,\u201d meaning that is when she split with Mo. But that\u2019s not it at all. Her breakup is as fresh as everyone else\u2019s because the relationship she\u2019s mourning isn\u2019t with Mo, it\u2019s with Oregon Spade, a private eye with a huge collection of Kemo Sabe hats.<\/p>\n But still, when she\u2019s talking about Alexia\u2019s wedding, she\u2019s still questioning what\u2019s up with her and Mo. She says she doesn\u2019t want them to go through the pain that they\u2019re going through now as they continue to trudge through the world\u2019s slowest-moving divorce. She says she wants Alexia to look at her wedding day and see that she got everything she wanted because Kyle got everything she wanted on her wedding day. She wants Alexia\u2019s husband to look at her the same way throughout their marriage as he looked at her on that day.<\/p>\n But that\u2019s impossible. That\u2019s not the way people work as we grow and change, and our circumstances grow and change, and our affections grow and change and ebb and flow, and the sex comes in waves, and the money comes in barrels or not at all. That\u2019s not the way science works either. Nothing can stay the same. Every cell in your body is replaced in seven years<\/a>. The DNA may be the same, but the proteins aren\u2019t. The skin, guts, and brains are the same but made of different things. It\u2019s all a bunch of cells morphing, changing, and dying. No, it\u2019s all a bunch of atoms, the remains of stardust, bonding and attracting and rejecting each other in tiny unions and breakups, the tiniest stuff of the universe doing the heavy lifting, skittering around each other like Hershey Kisses thrown out of an open airplane door. You are never the same person for more than an instant. You never look at the same person twice, and trying to hold that in your hand, trying to put that under glass and keep it somehow permanent, is as impossible as trying to find each one of those Kisses and somehow put it back in the bag.<\/p>\n Sign up for the Housewives Institute Bulletin<\/p>\n Dame Brian Moylan breaks down all the gossip and drama, on- and off-screen, for dedicated students of the Reality Television Arts and Sciences.<\/p>\n Vox Media, LLC Terms and Privacy Notice<\/p>\n