The prosecution: Winnie<\/p>\n
Peter nags me not to flush the toilet after a wee, which is gross. I\u2019m not up for being monitored<\/p>\n
My boyfriend, Peter, is obsessed with monitoring our water consumption and it\u2019s driving me insane.<\/p>\n
It started innocently enough. One evening, he noticed our water bill was high. I shrugged it off, but he tried to get the water company to reduce the bill, and when he couldn\u2019t, he became\u00a0obsessive. Every night, he started going outside with his torch, checking the water meter, as if he were a\u00a0security guard doing the rounds.<\/p>\n
He\u2019s now implemented these rules. Peter times my showers and nags me not to flush the toilet after a wee, which I think is gross. He\u2019s forever sending me articles about the optimal shower length, or how many litres of water are used during a toilet flush. When I wash my hair, which takes time because it\u2019s thick and curly, I hear Peter sigh loudly in the hallway. Afterwards, he says things like, \u201cyou probably used the weekly quota in there\u201d, and \u201c30 mins is 300 litres of water, you know\u201d, while showing me the timer on his phone.<\/p>\n
Peter behaves as if we\u2019re in a drought. He makes me reuse the water after I\u2019ve boiled eggs<\/p>\n
Who gets to decide the weekly quota? We\u2019ve lived together for four years, and I\u2019m not up for being monitored. Peter behaves as if we\u2019re in a drought. He makes me reuse the water after I\u2019ve boiled eggs. I don\u2019t have a problem with that in theory, but\u00a0it\u2019s annoying always having a pan out \u2013 one time I knocked it over.<\/p>\n
Peter also wants us to limit our dishwasher use \u2013 he only thinks we should use it after we\u2019ve accumulated lots of pots and pans. I refuse. He also recently tried to show me a spreadsheet he\u2019d made comparing the efficiency of different showerheads.<\/p>\n
We live in an area where the water provider constantly puts up bills, and it makes Peter angry. I get it, but there\u2019s not much we can do.<\/p>\n
I respect sustainability, but Peter\u2019s fixation feels invasive. I don\u2019t tell him how long he can spend in the shower or running the tap when he brushes his teeth. Bills go up, that\u2019s life. I just want to shower in peace without feeling as though I\u2019m being observed by the water police.<\/p>\n
The defence: Peter<\/p>\n
Everyone lets these water firms do what they like. It\u2019s time to fight back. So we need to cut our usage<\/p>\n
Winnie may hate that I\u2019m a little obsessed with water, but I\u2019m not trying to be controlling. I just want to\u00a0stop getting scammed by the water\u00a0company and drowning in bills. It\u2019s for both of us.<\/p>\n
I\u2019m an electrician and she\u2019s an artist, so we aren\u2019t rolling in money. So\u00a0yes, I check the meter and make spreadsheets comparing showerheads, but it\u2019s for the greater good. It\u2019s not true that I time Winnie\u2019s showers like a\u00a0prison guard. I simply make a note if they go above 30 mins, because apparently 30 minutes in the shower can use up to 400 litres of water.<\/p>\n
Winnie has started saving water from boiling eggs and I appreciate that. She did get annoyed when she knocked the pan on to the floor, but that shouldn\u2019t be a reason not to save water. The bigger issue is that Winnie wants to run our dishwasher twice a\u00a0day and flush the toilet after dropping a single tissue in it.<\/p>\n
I\u2019m a bit of\u00a0an anarchist at heart, and said we should stop paying our bills and see what happens, but Winnie wouldn\u2019t let me<\/p>\n
I\u2019m just trying to fight back against\u00a0a corrupt water company that keeps hiking our bills while paying dividends to shareholders. I\u2019m a bit of\u00a0an anarchist at heart, and said we should stop paying our bills and see what happens, but Winnie wouldn\u2019t let me. The problem is that everyone just lets these companies do what they want. We need to fight back.<\/p>\n
Winnie grew up in a posh part of the UK, whereas I had a more working-class upbringing. She loves long showers, having a cleaner and buying nice food. And that\u2019s fine \u2013 so do I \u2013 but in order to afford lovely things, we need to get smart about saving money elsewhere.<\/p>\n
We want to have kids, but we need to tighten our belts first \u2013 that includes using the dishwasher less and having shorter showers. I\u2019ve tried to get us to agree on only loading the dishwasher once a day and taking shorter showers. Winnie sees these as punishments. But they\u2019re small steps toward fiscal and environmental responsibility.<\/p>\n
I\u2019m not the villain here. I\u2019m the partner trying to save money so she can have a nice life.<\/p>\n
The jury of Guardian readers<\/p>\n
Should Peter pipe down about the\u00a0water?<\/p>\n
Winnie has compromised by reusing the\u00a0egg water. Perhaps she could also compromise on the dishwasher, but Peter won\u2019t win against the water companies by being passive-aggressive to Winnie through the bathroom door. Let a woman shower in peace.
Jess, 28<\/p>\n
Peter has translated \u201cpenny wise and pound foolish\u201d into a plumbing context. Sure, the pennies he\u2019ll save by counting the litres will add up. But will they be worth the damage he\u2019s clearly doing to his relationship with Winnie? Life\u2019s not measured out by the litre.
Richard, 38<\/p>\n
I\u2019m all for saving water but there must be\u00a0ways to be creative about it without making your partner anxious. I\u00a0suggest Peter joins a campaign to hold the water company to account as it will help him to feel he\u2019s making a difference. Good on him for caring \u2013 but he needs to keep his relationship afloat.
Cate, 51<\/p>\n
Peter has gone over the line from fiscal and environmental responsibility into controlling, intrusive behaviour. When they moved in together Winnie didn\u2019t agree to these rules, and Peter shouldn\u2019t have imposed them without discussion.
Evie, 40<\/p>\n
We are in a climate crisis, and the sooner we realise that the better. Half-hour showers are excessive. Water is a finite resource that we need to use sparingly, and while studying showerheads may not be everyone\u2019s cup of tea, mother nature needs more Peters.
Mark, 57<\/p>\n
Now you be the judge<\/p>\n
In our online poll, tell us: is Peter plumbing the depths?<\/p>\n
The poll closes on Wednesday 31 December at 9am GMT<\/p>\n
Last week\u2019s results<\/p>\n