\u201cWe need something that recognises that from a criminal perspective,\u201d Murray said.<\/p>\n
Coercive control victim \u2018didn\u2019t see any way out\u2019<\/p>\n
The woman defined coercive control as a \u201cconsistent and persistent undermining\u201d of someone\u2019s liberty and autonomy.<\/p>\n
She said she experienced \u201cconsistent\u201d and \u201cintrusive\u201d behaviour from the start of her abusive relationship.<\/p>\n
\u201cHe had decided he wanted a relationship with me, and he was not going to be told otherwise.\u201d<\/p>\n
He stayed nearby and \u201cmade me\u201d see him, she said.<\/p>\n
\u201cI tried to leave, and that\u2019s where all the threats and the coercive behaviour kind of came in.\u201d<\/p>\n
The woman said he would constantly message her as he tried to find out her address and \u201cto know where I was and what I was doing\u201d.<\/p>\n
The woman said she was sexually assaulted, strangled, stalked, and harassed.<\/p>\n
She tried to take her own life.<\/p>\n
\u201cI didn\u2019t see any way out.\u201d<\/p>\n
The relationship ended when he left her.<\/p>\n
She never reported what happened to the police.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s impossible to prove \u2026 it\u2019s me against his word.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s where the laws around coercive control need to come in because we can look at messages and we can say \u2026 \u2018this is controlling behaviour\u2019.\u201d<\/p>\n
Years after the relationship ended, the woman said she was still seeing a counsellor through ACC.<\/p>\n
Now, her life was \u201ca lot better, but there\u2019s still fear\u201d.<\/p>\n
\u201cMy ultimate goal \u2026 is to actually come forward to speak to police.\u201d<\/p>\n
Murray founded Eclipse Family Violence Services in 2021, which trained frontline responders and practitioners from a \u201clived experience perspective\u201d.<\/p>\n
She said coercive control was recognised in the Family Violence Act but not criminalised in New Zealand. <\/p>\n
In her view, this approach did not address the consequences of extreme coercive control.<\/p>\n
Debbs Murray founded Eclipse Family Violence Services after her experiences with abuse and coercive control.<\/p>\n
Murray said international research had shown family violence-related suicide was more prevalent than family violence-related homicide<\/a>.<\/p>\n She said there were \u201cvery few\u201d victims of coercive control who had not considered or attempted suicide.<\/p>\n \u201cWe don\u2019t measure adequately enough [the] risk of suicide as a direct consequence of family violence.\u201d<\/p>\n Murray said most family violence was \u201cunseen\u201d and the issue should not be measured only by \u201cblack eyes and broken bones\u201d.<\/p>\n \u201cThe majority of family violence is broken hearts and broken souls, lost identity and this depth of despair that truly does lead people to take their own lives.\u201d<\/p>\n Murray said it was not only about a punitive approach but ensuring there was \u201cpositive, long-term, sustainable therapeutic intervention\u201d for predominant aggressors.<\/p>\n Murray said Eclipse was also striving for social and sectoral change.<\/p>\n Minister of Justice Paul Goldsmith said: \u201cWe are not currently considering a standalone coercive control offence, as there is a very busy pipeline of Justice legislation, including changes to specifically criminalise stalking.<\/p>\n \u201cHowever, we are aware of concerns raised and will consider potential options when resourcing allows.\u201d<\/p>\n Family violence<\/p>\n How to get help:<\/p>\n If you\u2019re in danger now:<\/p>\n \u2022 Phone the police on 111 or ask neighbours or friends to ring for you.<\/p>\n \u2022 Run outside and head for where there are other people. Scream for help so your neighbours can hear you.<\/p>\n \u2022 Take the children with you. Don\u2019t stop to get anything else.<\/p>\n \u2022 If you are being abused, remember it\u2019s not your fault. Violence is never okay.<\/p>\n Where to go for help or more information:<\/p>\n \u2022 Women\u2019s Refuge<\/a>: Crisis line – 0800 REFUGE or 0800 733 843 (available 24\/7)<\/p>\n \u2022 Shine<\/a>: Helpline – 0508 744 633 (available 24\/7)<\/p>\n \u2022 It\u2019s Not Ok<\/a>: Family violence information line – 0800 456 450<\/p>\n \u2022 Shakti<\/a>: Specialist services for African, Asian and Middle Eastern women and children.<\/p>\n \u2022 Crisis line – 0800 742 584 (available 24\/7)<\/p>\n \u2022 Ministry of Justice<\/a>: For information on family violence<\/p>\n \u2022 Te Kupenga Whakaoti Mahi Patunga<\/a>: National Network of Family Violence Services<\/p>\n \u2022 White Ribbon<\/a>: Aiming to eliminate men\u2019s violence towards women.<\/p>\nJustice Minister Paul Goldsmith. Photo \/ Mark Mitchell<\/p>\n