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<\/p>\nHow do I deal with the fact my own flesh and blood would rather listen to Mumford & Sons than Talking Heads?<\/p>\n
Summer read \u2013 originally published February 6 2025.<\/p>\n
Want Hera\u2019s help? Email your problem to helpme@thespinoff.co.nz<\/p>\n
Kia ora!<\/p>\n
As a recovering music snob who once preferred the bands\u2019 older stuff, hated \u201cmainstream music\u201d and actively avoided certain artists because of their fan base, I\u2019m becoming increasingly dejected at my child\u2019s music preferences and want advice on how to steer them in a less soul and mind destroying direction.<\/p>\n
These days I\u2019m generally more open to enjoyment of all types of music and thought I\u2019d put my music snobbery behind me, but my child\u2019s recent music choices have my unsightly snob brain rearing its obscure band T-shirt wearing, Pitchfork reading, vinyl-only head again.<\/p>\n
As a millennial growing up in a small town I had significantly limited access to music outside of the Edge top 10, and it wasn\u2019t until my mid-teens that skate videos, Kazaa and the frequent trips to all ages gigs in Auckland opened up my music taste. I had hoped to give my kid an early start to good music.<\/p>\n
I could handle the Wiggles, learnt to love Baby Shark and other toddler smash hits, but now my child is growing up and being badly influenced by their other parent and others. Instead of them enjoying the playful songs of what I had successfully influenced into their life from bands like The Talking Heads, Kurt Vile or The Cure, they\u2019re instead succumbing to agonising brain numbing music like Coldplay, Mumford & Sons and other catchy but ultimately irritating musicians.<\/p>\n
I co-parent my child, and love that they\u2019re enjoying music and want to retain their enjoyment of music and dance \u2013 but I also want to legitimately enjoy music with them instead of faking my smile through the sixth repeat of another Coldplay song.<\/p>\n
Am I destined for a future of faking my joy at my kid\u2019s music choices, or do I need to risk my co-parenting relationship and ask their other parent to stop introducing bad music to their life? Or is it a case of burying my inner music snob for good and succumbing to a life of music mediocrity with my kid.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n
Kindest regards and thanks in advance,<\/p>\n
Hopeful parent<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Dear Hopeful,<\/p>\n
Thank you for this Nick Hornby ass problem. \u201cHow do I make my kids like the same stuff as me?\u201d is a question for the ages.\u00a0<\/p>\n
The mature and enlightened answer to your question is that children are their own people, and any serious attempts to micromanage their interests is not only futile but is highly liable to backfire spectacularly. Taste is extremely subjective. One person\u2019s Bach is another person\u2019s Korn (although the truly enlightened can find something to love in both). Having got that out of the way, we can get down to the serious business of how to shape your child\u2019s musical taste without appearing to do so.\u00a0<\/p>\n
Firstly, I can only assume you are joking when you suggest having a quiet word with your coparent about their awful taste in music. Part of me kind of wants you to do this, because imagining the expression on their face when you bring this to them as a serious parenting dilemma is extremely funny. Sadly, I have to counsel that this is a terrible idea which will only get you deservedly ridiculed in various group chats.\u00a0<\/p>\n
I know it doesn\u2019t feel like it, but musically speaking, you have a lot to thank your coparent for. Yes, it may be troubling to feel as if you\u2019re inadvertently raising a Mumford & Sons fan. But loving things is the first and most important qualification for developing an eclectic and well-rounded taste. If your kid loves music now, you are already winning the battle. Don\u2019t let your disdain for poor Chris Martin convince you otherwise. Someone who passionately loves the Baby-Sitters Club novels as a child is a million times more likely to read George Eliot as an adult than someone who doesn\u2019t read at all. Perhaps the same thing can be said for the Baby Shark to Talking Heads pipeline.\u00a0<\/p>\n
While there are definitely some precocious children out there who love Leonard Cohen as much as the Wiggles, there\u2019s a reason why kids gravitate to catchy, repetitive music, and it\u2019s not because they\u2019re morons. The Wiggles go hard. Baby Shark is a banger for a reason.\u00a0<\/p>\n
I don\u2019t have kids, so I can\u2019t answer you as a parent. But I can answer from the perspective of a daughter. I love a lot of the same bands as my dad. Here\u2019s how he won me over:\u00a0<\/p>\n
First off, don\u2019t be in the conversion business. Your job isn\u2019t to get your kid to stop loving what they already love, otherwise, they\u2019re sure to listen to a lifetime of Ed Sheeran just to get back at you. However, you can try and expand their taste, and introduce them to new things. Here\u2019s what I would do:<\/p>\n
Play music all the time. Play it in the car. Play it when you\u2019re making breakfast. Make it a shared background to your lives. Make it as normal as breathing.\u00a0
\nPlay a wide variety of stuff. Pop hits. Heavy metal. Rap. Classical. Country. If you want them to expand their horizons, you should also be open to expanding yours. Model curiosity and eclecticism. Don\u2019t come at this problem with a missionary mindset. Set out to discover new things together.\u00a0
\nTake them to see live music! There are lots of great community concerts for under 18s.\u00a0
\nMake mix tapes or playlists, based on things they actually like. If you want them to love Scott Walker and their favourite musician is Taylor Swift, maybe don\u2019t start them off with The Drift. When I was in my alternative country phase, my dad made me mixtapes of The Handsome Family and Hank Williams. When I liked pop punk, I got The Rezillos and The Raincoats.\u00a0
\nI don\u2019t know what the contemporary equivalent of this is, but we used to go to the library and rent a ton of CDs every weekend. There\u2019s nothing better than the feeling of discovering something new for yourself. Give them the tools to expand their taste, and see where it leads.
\nBe patient. Until your kid gets older, they\u2019re going to like some horrible stuff and that\u2019s fine. The difference between 9 and 15 is astronomical. Remember, you are playing the long game.
\nKids will look back fondly on music that is associated with good memories. Interpret this however you like. Have a dance party, where you take turns picking club bangers. Get a cheap karaoke mic and sing your hearts out.\u00a0
\nLast, and most importantly, take an interest in their taste, and let them share their favourite music with you. The more receptive they feel you are to their interests, the more open they will be to listening to music you love because they\u2019ll feel respected and understood. Yes, my dad played us The Dead Kennedys and The Specials, but he also taped the Spice Girls concert off the television for me. He bought me All Saints CDs and said complimentary things about them. He played Bic Runga on long car trips. As a result, I never felt embarrassed about what I listened to. Focus on making music a shared obsession, and something you can enjoy together. That relationship will long outlast their childhood top 10.\u00a0<\/p>\n
This doesn\u2019t mean you have to resign yourself to listening to the same Coldplay song on repeat, or that you\u2019re obligated to lie about what you like. Getting to a place where you can be honest about your own taste is good, especially as your kid becomes a teenager. But you have to build that trust first. If your kid feels judged for the music they like, they\u2019re never going to share their newest musical obsession with you, so err on the side of being curious and complimentary until you\u2019ve built up the necessary goodwill.\u00a0<\/p>\n
The goal here is not to shape your child\u2019s taste in music by slowly replacing their interests with your own. The goal is to foster their love of music and build the kind of relationship where they\u2019re excited to share their discoveries with you. I think if you can do that, they\u2019ll eventually find their own way to David Byrne. And who knows. Maybe you\u2019ll discover Coldplay isn\u2019t all that bad.\u00a0<\/p>\n
Good luck!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"How do I deal with the fact my own flesh and blood would rather listen to Mumford &…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":211314,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[8],"tags":[492,156,18400,111,139,69,8765,12458,2935,123306],"class_list":["post-211313","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-entertainment","tag-comments-enabled","tag-entertainment","tag-help-me-hera","tag-new-zealand","tag-newzealand","tag-nz","tag-parenting","tag-relationship-advice","tag-society","tag-tourism-fiji-summer"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/211313","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=211313"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/211313\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/211314"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=211313"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=211313"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=211313"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}