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My Two Cents<\/a><\/p>\n \n Personal-finance columnist Charlotte Cowles asks the nosy, revealing, sometimes uncomfortable questions about money so you don\u2019t have to.\n <\/p>\n \n Photo-Illustration: by The Cut; Photos: Getty Images\n <\/p>\n I\u2019m 32 and was diagnosed with ADHD about a year ago. Now that I\u2019m being treated, it\u2019s wild to me that no one caught it sooner, but here we are.\u00a0<\/p>\n A lot of things in my life have improved since I started medication. I have a new job (I hopped around a lot in my 20s, but now I\u2019ve found a good role for myself at a medical start-up) and a great partner (who encouraged me to get evaluated for ADHD in the first place). But one thing that I still struggle with a lot is financial planning. I am trying to tackle my credit-card debt, which is about $5,000 \u2014 luckily, my credit was never good enough to qualify for a card with a higher limit \u2014 and pay my student loans. But every time I look at my accounts, I get completely overwhelmed. I know I spend too much, and I don\u2019t have any savings. I feel like a complete and hopeless mess. My partner and I are planning to move in together, and we\u2019re talking about eventually getting married, but he has told me \u2014 nicely! \u2014 that he\u2019s worried about my financial habits and is encouraging me to get help. I don\u2019t want to drag him into this or even know how bad it is. But any financial advice I read feels like it doesn\u2019t apply to me at all. I\u2019ve always thought I was worse with money than everyone else, but now I\u2019m wondering if my ADHD has something to do with it. What do I do? How can I clean this up?<\/p>\n First of all, congratulations on getting the care and medication you need \u2014\u00a0I\u2019m so glad it\u2019s helping! But don\u2019t be discouraged that it hasn\u2019t solved everything, especially your finances. \u201cCertain things tend to be a lot harder for people with ADHD, and research shows<\/a> that money is one of them,\u201d says Dr. Christine Hargrove<\/a>, a financial therapist who developed a specialty in ADHD after she was diagnosed with it herself a few years ago. \u201cWhen my clients are medicated correctly and consistently, I often see that their financial behaviors improve, but they still have a lot of problems.\u201d<\/p>\n For instance, many of her ADHD clients might still shop impulsively at night, once their meds have worn off; they also tend to delay bill payment<\/a> more than neurotypical people, leading to late payments, lower credit, and more general financial distress. \u201cThere\u2019s a lot of shame, frustration, embarrassment around money, and a sense of \u2018There\u2019s nothing that can help me,\u2019\u201d she says. \u201cIt\u2019s like shopping for clothes but finding nothing in their size \u2014 the perception is<\/a> that the financial advice that\u2019s out there won\u2019t work for them.\u201d<\/p>\n And that\u2019s partially true. Standard financial guidance that most people try to follow \u2014\u00a0stick to a budget, pay your bills on time, save, invest for the future \u2014\u00a0requires a level of confidence in your ability to follow through. And for a lot of people with ADHD, that critical piece of self-assurance is missing. \u201cMy clients will say, \u2018I know the advice, but either I can\u2019t seem to apply it to myself, or it doesn\u2019t come together in my mind when I try to do it,\u2019\u201d says Hargrove.<\/p>\n Plus, it\u2019s hard to break old habits, ADHD or not. \u201cMedication can help with today, but it can\u2019t change your history,\u201d says Jodie Stauffer<\/a>, a certified financial planner who specializes in people with ADHD (and, like Hargrove, was diagnosed with it in adulthood). \u201cYou can\u2019t just flip a switch and say, \u2018I don\u2019t do that anymore.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n The good news: You\u2019re not a lost cause. There\u2019s a growing field of research around ADHD and financial behavior, as well as advice for what does work. Here\u2019s what the experts recommend.<\/p>\n When David Dewitt, a certified financial planner, decided to focus his practice on people with ADHD (like himself), he realized that most of his clients didn\u2019t even know where their money was going. \u201cUsually, when I look at statements for someone with ADHD, I see a monumental amount of convenience purchases. So a lot of Uber Eats and DoorDash. And a lot of miscellaneous fees and late fees,\u201d Dewitt says. \u201cThere are often multiple accounts, multiple credit cards, money sprinkled around in different places. It\u2019s chaotic. It paints a picture of someone who\u2019s trying their best to survive, get to work on time, and function, but they\u2019re likely feeling overwhelmed, so they don\u2019t plan ahead. They\u2019re just in reactive mode.\u201d<\/p>\n The first step in dealing with this is to get a clear picture of your cash flow. \u201cFor some people, this is the hardest part \u2014 putting all your accounts into one accounting platform, and getting it cleaned up and organized,\u201d says Dewitt. \u201cOnce you\u2019re able to see it all, it becomes less scary.\u201d The dread of a nebulous financial disaster is almost always worse than confronting the actual numbers.<\/p>\n Both Dewitt and Hargrove recommend using the finance platform Monarch<\/a>, which is more visually oriented than other money apps<\/a>. \u201cThey don\u2019t pay me to endorse them, but I use them for all my ADHD clients,\u201d says Hargrove. \u201cThey have a lot of pretty graphs that make it easier and more intuitive to track your money.\u201d<\/p>\n It might be tempting to launch into a big financial makeover. Resist the urge! \u201cA lot of my ADHD clients will get hyperfocused on using a new tool or system for their money, and want to dive in, but then they get frustrated and lose interest when they can\u2019t sustain that commitment,\u201d says Stauffer. Instead of committing to an overhaul, she suggests working on one realistic category at a time. \u201cFor instance, start with one area of your spending that you want to control better,\u201d she says. Maybe it\u2019s meal planning and ordering less takeout; perhaps you do a lot of late-night Amazon browsing and want to stop. Whatever it is, give it a tight definition (only ordering takeout once a week and meal planning; no shopping after 8 p.m.) and track your progress. You can add more categories in time, but take it slow.<\/p>\n \u201cI give my clients a five-minute financial routine that they do at a certain time every day, like brushing their teeth,\u201d says Dewitt. \u201cIt\u2019s very simple: Review all your transactions from the past 24 hours and categorize them if you need to. It builds awareness of where your money is going and reduces overwhelm.\u201d<\/p>\n Hargrove agrees that this is key. \u201cEspecially in the beginning, when it doesn\u2019t feel good to look at your finances, get in and out,\u201d she says. \u201cDo it often, but make it quick \u2014\u00a0set a timer for five minutes.\u201d It\u2019s okay to hate it, too. \u201cA lot of people with ADHD get frustrated by neurotypical people telling them that money management isn\u2019t that hard,\u201d she adds. Instead, it\u2019s better to accept that it sucks. \u201cIt might always be uncomfortable, and that\u2019s all right. You\u2019re building up a tolerance for it.\u201d<\/p>\n You don\u2019t necessarily have to pay a financial planner to get you on track \u2014 for starters, just invite a friend over to keep you accountable. This strategy is also known as \u201cbody doubling<\/a>,\u201d and it\u2019s particularly helpful for people with ADHD who need help tackling \u2014 and more importantly, completing \u2014 a project. \u201cIf somebody needs to clean their house and they have ADHD, it\u2019s overwhelming. But if a friend comes and either helps them get going, or just sits with them and has a glass of wine and chats, it\u2019s less daunting,\u201d says Stauffer. \u201cYou need somebody you trust who understands that they\u2019re not there to nag you or to tell you how to do it. They\u2019re just there to hang out with you until you finish and provide extrinsic motivation.\u201d<\/p>\n It\u2019s unclear why this works so well, but psychologists believe the \u201cdouble\u201d provides a focal point that keeps the person with ADHD on task. \u201cIf you need to do something you\u2019re dreading, like pay overdue bills, look into a charge you don\u2019t recognize, or make a phone call to the bank, having another person in the room \u2014\u00a0even if they\u2019re just looking at their own computer \u2014\u00a0gives you support,\u201d says Stauffer.<\/p>\n You can also ask for more hands-on help with stuff you really struggle with. \u201cMy husband opens all our mail, because I just won\u2019t do it,\u201d says Stauffer. \u201cFor some of my clients, I\u2019ll just insist that we do certain things together, because I know the chances of them doing it after our meeting are so slim.\u201d This is not giving up; it\u2019s a creative workaround!<\/p>\n In a 2021 study<\/a>, researchers posed hypothetical financial questions to a group of subjects to assess whether those with ADHD made different choices from those who did not. Perhaps unsurprisingly, the subjects with ADHD demonstrated poorer financial judgment than their neurotypical counterparts when asked what they would do in certain scenarios. But the research also revealed something interesting: The judgment gap between those with ADHD and those without it disappeared when they were asked what they would recommend to other people in the same scenario. \u201cIt showed that the ADHDers did know what to do \u2014\u00a0they just had trouble applying it to themselves,\u201d says Hargrove. \u201cA great way to harness this when you\u2019re making decisions is to ask yourself, \u2018What would you advise somebody else?\u2019 It helps you think a little more objectively and take the problem a little less personally.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSetting screen-time limits and blockers on your phone and computer can be really effective if you struggle with unplanned purchases, but I find that they need to be on the strictest setting, or else I will just go and turn them off,\u201d says Dewitt. \u201cI use the Cold Turkey blocker<\/a> during certain hours every day when I really need to focus.\u201d Brick<\/a> can help, too.<\/p>\n He also recommends setting up automatic transfers to an account that you can\u2019t see or easily access. Yes, this runs counter to the idea of having all your money in one place, but for savings that you don\u2019t want to touch, that\u2019s a good thing. \u201cI personally love Acorns<\/a>,\u201d he says, referring to\u00a0the platform that rounds up all your purchases to the nearest dollar amount and invests the difference. \u201cI recommend it to my clients because it helps them save and invest a little bit of money every day without having to think or make decisions about it.\u201d (Oportun<\/a>, another financial platform, has a similar \u201cset and save\u201d function that pulls small amounts from your account when you won\u2019t miss them.) Better yet, don\u2019t even look at what you\u2019ve saved \u2014\u00a0if you forget it\u2019s there, you\u2019re less likely to plunder it impulsively. \u201cI\u2019m in favor of hiding your money from yourself,\u201d he says.<\/p>\n \u201cI hear a lot of, \u2018I tried to do what people told me, but it didn\u2019t work, so I must be broken,\u2019\u201d says Stauffer. \u201cIt\u2019s important for people, especially those with ADHD, to know that they can fall off the wagon and stop tracking their spending for a month or two, but it won\u2019t ruin everything they\u2019ve done.\u201d What really wrecks progress is allowing your situation to define your identity. \u201cSometimes people will say, \u2018I don\u2019t care anymore. It doesn\u2019t matter. This is just the way I am and there\u2019s nothing I can do to change it,\u2019\u201d she says. \u201cThat\u2019ll really keep you stuck.\u201d<\/p>\n Instead of obsessing over your failures, think about what you want out of your efforts, says Hargrove. Do you want your partner to be able to trust you to make sound financial decisions (or at least pay your half of the rent on time when you move in together)? Do you want to get out of debt? Do you want to know that you can stick to a spending limit every month? That\u2019s great \u2014\u00a0write those things down and make them concrete. \u201cJust focusing on those things will keep you grounded in reality, which can go a long way in combating anxiety, and that in itself is a step forward,\u201d says Hargrove.<\/p>\n Email your money conundrums to\u00a0mytwocents@nymag.com<\/a> (and read our submission terms here<\/a>.)<\/p>\n