{"id":233906,"date":"2026-01-15T03:26:10","date_gmt":"2026-01-15T03:26:10","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/233906\/"},"modified":"2026-01-15T03:26:10","modified_gmt":"2026-01-15T03:26:10","slug":"do-we-owe-our-kids-all-of-our-assets-we-dont-think-they-deserve-them","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/233906\/","title":{"rendered":"Do we owe our kids all of our assets? We don\u2019t think they deserve them."},"content":{"rendered":"

Pay Dirt is Slate\u2019s money advice column. Have a question? Send it to Kristin and Ilyce here<\/a>. (It\u2019s anonymous!)<\/p>\n

Dear Pay Dirt,<\/p>\n

My wife and I grew up in solid lower middle class homes. We had food on the table and clothes on our back, but not much more. After we got married we decided financial security was a priority. Made a budget based on our take home pay, any overtime\/bonus I got went into our emergency fund to make extra payments on our house or car loans to pay them off early. No loans? The extra money would go into savings. My wife\u2019s second\u00a0job was for \u201cfun\u201d money, like trips and vacations. We decided to wait on kids until we were financially secure. We paid off our first house, rented it to pay most of the mortgage on our second house, and did the same with our third and fourth houses. So now, at around 60,\u00a0we have four paid-off houses, three of them are rental properties, no debts, about $500,000 (increasing) in savings\/investments, plus our 401(k) savings and a pension.<\/p>\n

The problem is our three kids (and their spouses), despite our best attempts, are financial idiots.<\/p>\n

Our oldest bought a house a number of years ago based on his and his wife\u2019s income including overtime. We got into a heated discussion with him about not doing this and the repercussions as overtime isn\u2019t guaranteed. He told us to shut up and he would ask for financial advice if he wanted it. His company then added another shift and so no overtime and yes, they lost the house. He was upset with us that we didn\u2019t help with by making their house payments. They untimely filed for bankruptcy as they also had a ton of credit card debt.<\/p>\n

Our youngest has no kids but she and her husband are always buying the \u201clatest and greatest, trips, dining out, and I think have no emergency fund, and despite having good jobs I think they are living paycheck to paycheck.<\/p>\n

Our middle child, in early December, wanted an \u201cadvance\u201d on their Christmas gift (we give each child $2,000) so they could afford Christmas gifts for their two kids. We said \u201cno\u201d and he didn\u2019t speak to us for two weeks. Yet his son plays on a travelling hockey team and his daughter takes riding lessons.<\/p>\n

After this last incident, my wife and I are really thinking twice on passing down all this money and assets to our kids. They don\u2019t want our advice, have no interest in learning how to manage the rental properties (applications, maintenance, permits, etc\u2026), and financial security doesn\u2019t seem to be a priority with them. We have a feeling if our kids inherited everything it would be like the stories of lottery winners who are poor, and after winning they blow the money in a few years and are back to being broke.<\/p>\n

All three were in good financial positions when they went out on their own as we paid for all of their community college expenses and half the tuition and all of their housing expenses when they finished at a four year school, so they were debt free when they graduated.<\/p>\n

So, is there an expectation or requirement to leave our kids this generational wealth? If not, we would leave them something, but nowhere close to what they are expecting.<\/p>\n

\u2014Financially Foolish Kids<\/p>\n

Dear Financially Foolish Kids,<\/p>\n

It sounds like you and your wife worked hard and made smart, disciplined decisions. I get that your kids are making some questionable financial choices\u00a0 \u2014 ones that you certainly wouldn\u2019t make\u00a0 \u2014\u00a0 but remember: The world they\u2019re navigating is a lot different than the one you started in. Housing, wages, debt, childcare\u2026everything adds up differently these days. It doesn\u2019t excuse their mistakes, but it does make it a lot harder to recover from those mistakes and probably a lot easier to make them in the first place.<\/p>\n

When it comes to inheritance, it doesn\u2019t have to be all or nothing. And if you\u2019re worried your kids will burn through a big lump sum, there are ways to build in structure without cutting them out entirely, like putting the money in a simple trust so they gradually receive funds over time, or keeping certain assets (like your rentals) in a managed setup so they get steady income instead of one giant check.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

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So no, there\u2019s no requirement to hand over all your wealth. It\u2019s not like there\u2019s some moral code that says parents have to fork over everything they\u2019ve built to their children. But you don\u2019t have to entirely cut them off, either. You can find a middle ground that reflects your own values, protects what you and your wife have built, and still gives your kids some support. Generational wealth only works if the next generation is ready for it. If they\u2019re not there yet, you\u2019re not failing them by being cautious. But it might be worth a conversation. It doesn\u2019t have to be a dramatic confrontation (I would avoid calling them \u201cidiots,\u201d for example) but you can be clear and direct. Frame it around your values rather than their shortcomings. Something like, \u201cWe\u2019ve worked hard to build this, and we want to make sure whatever we leave behind actually helps you rather than puts you in a difficult position. That means we\u2019re planning to structure things in a way that protects the assets and gives you some long\u2011term stability.\u201d<\/p>\n

This way, you\u2019re simply letting them know that your estate plan will reflect what you believe is responsible. They may not love hearing it, but it\u2019ll be better to have clarity now, and it might help them start thinking differently about their own financial habits.<\/p>\n

\u2014Kristin<\/p>\n

More Money Advice From Slate<\/p>\n

Nearly four years ago, I found out my husband, \u201cChris,\u201d was having an affair, and I filed for divorce. He sold the house (it was in his name), avoided me, and used a bunch of legal tactics to make sure I couldn\u2019t afford to live there. He had family money and a high-earning job. I was working part-time to stay home with our kids. Chris wouldn\u2019t even divorce after I asked for minimal child support. After we separated, I relied on family, including my cousin \u201cVictoria,\u201d who helped with childcare while I worked full-time. She had her own kids at home and generously watched mine, too, at no cost. Since Chris and I were technically still married, my income didn\u2019t qualify for any type of federal benefits. I thought I was going to be stuck in this legal limbo forever. Then, last year, Chris and his girlfriend were in a car accident.<\/a><\/p>\n

Get the latest from Prudie and our columnists in your inbox each weekday, plus special bonus letters on Saturdays.\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Pay Dirt is Slate\u2019s money advice column. Have a question? Send it to Kristin and Ilyce here. (It\u2019s…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":233907,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[14],"tags":[1665,138,246,111,139,69,244,245,479,1666],"class_list":{"0":"post-233906","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-personal-finance","8":"tag-advice","9":"tag-business","10":"tag-finance","11":"tag-new-zealand","12":"tag-newzealand","13":"tag-nz","14":"tag-personal-finance","15":"tag-personalfinance","16":"tag-relationships","17":"tag-slate-plus"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/233906","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=233906"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/233906\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/233907"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=233906"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=233906"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=233906"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}