DEAR ABBY: I am a longtime divorcee and a retiree with grown kids. What is troubling me is that I\u2019ve always had an issue with taking a shower and all the oil and dirt flowing down my body. I think it\u2019s gross, so I usually wash my hair in the kitchen sink. I also don\u2019t get in the shower to wash my body. I hate getting out of the shower and feeling cold, or trying to get dressed partially wet.<\/p>\n
When I\u2019ve been in relationships, I force myself to shower or wipe down with hospital-type wipes. (I still wash up this way, just not regularly, and I know it\u2019s gross.) I dry-shave my legs and underarms when needed, but this is really an issue for me. I brush my teeth twice a day. I use a light perfume and often get compliments, but I know from reading your advice that seniors lose their sense of smell, and I could be ripe.<\/p>\n
I don\u2019t know how to overcome this, and, for obvious reasons, I don\u2019t have a friend I can float this by. I\u2019m healthy and, like everyone, struggle with depression, but I don\u2019t feel it\u2019s bad enough to seek professional help. I\u2019m on a fixed income.<\/p>\n
Just curious as to what your thoughts are on this. It\u2019s been a good six weeks since I\u2019ve had a proper shower, and I find no justification for it other than I don\u2019t enjoy it. \u2014 UNSHOWERED IN ILLINOIS<\/p>\n
DEAR UNSHOWERED: If I thought your quirk could be solved as easily as buying a portable heater for your bathroom, I would suggest it. You state that you suffer from depression \u201clike everyone else.\u201d From the mail I receive, people do have problems interacting with interpersonal relationships, workplace issues, etc., but they do not \u201call\u201d suffer from depression.<\/p>\n
Although you live on a fixed income, you could benefit from discussing your issue with a licensed psychotherapist. <\/p>\n
Help is available on a sliding financial scale through your county\u2019s department of mental health or your local university with a department of psychology. While medication might help you overcome your depression, getting to the root of your shower avoidance will likely happen once you start talking.<\/p>\n
DEAR ABBY: My question is about dating among older adults. I have been on a dating website for a while now. Most of the profiles are fake. I finally encountered a legitimate profile of a nice-looking man, and we are now talking. After one week, we are finally going to meet for dinner. I\u2019m thrilled, but he stated that he has \u201cbaggage.\u201d When I asked him what kind, he replied, \u201cIt\u2019s physical.\u201d What does that mean?<\/p>\n
We have discussed being intimate and, at our age, we are no longer virgins. I intend to go on the date and be gracious and kind, but I am more than a little confused. What are your thoughts? I thought we clicked or I wouldn\u2019t be going on a date with him. What did I miss? \u2014 PERPLEXED IN FLORIDA<\/p>\n
DEAR PERPLEXED: The nice-looking man who has made a date with you could have been alluding to any number of physical problems. He might be missing a limb or need assistance getting around, or he may be impotent. Because he didn\u2019t give you the laundry list he included in his \u201cbaggage,\u201d you are just going to have to find out for yourself and take this a step at a time.<\/p>\n