{"id":270695,"date":"2026-02-06T12:56:12","date_gmt":"2026-02-06T12:56:12","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/270695\/"},"modified":"2026-02-06T12:56:12","modified_gmt":"2026-02-06T12:56:12","slug":"greg-dixons-another-kind-of-politics-luxons-secret-plan-for-handling-mad-dog-trump-leaked","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/270695\/","title":{"rendered":"Greg Dixon\u2019s Another Kind of Politics: Luxon\u2019s secret plan for handling \u201cMad Dog\u201d Trump leaked"},"content":{"rendered":"

Photo \/ Getty Images. Illustration \/ Greg Dixon.<\/p>\n

National Party sources have revealed Prime Minister Christopher Luxon\u2019s confidential fool-proof strategy for dealing with erratic US President Donald Trump \u2014 hiding.<\/p>\n

\n With three more years of Trump\u2019s presidency to go, it is increasingly likely New Zealand will face more and more bizarre and frightening demands from the volatile leader,
\n such as 100% tariffs if we fail to dig up and hand over rare minerals, gifting the South Island to the US or building a giant golden statue of Trump in Parliament\u2019s forecourt.\n <\/p>\n

To combat these threats, Luxon has developed a duck and cover strategy titled Operation Ostrich.<\/p>\n

\u201cThe plan involves multiple hiding and evasion techniques to avoid Mad Dog Trump noticing Chris Luxon,\u201d a source told Another Kind of Politics. \u201cWe\u2019re calling the first approach the Munich Manoeuvre which is where the Prime Minister puts his fingers in his ears and pretends Trump\u2019s attacks on global stability and New Zealand exports and interests aren\u2019t really happening.<\/p>\n

\u201cSecondly, if the Orange Wrecking Ball calls Chris\u2019s office, his secretary is to say \u2018Prime Minister Luncheon? Never heard of him. This is the Golden Triangle Takeaway.\u2019<\/p>\n

\u201cThirdly, the Prime Minister has worked with the SAS to develop camouflage and evasion techniques to use when he attends international summits and conferences.\u201d<\/p>\n

The array of cunning camouflage and concealment tactics includes hiding in the toilets, pretending to be an usher, disguising himself as a pot plant or wearing dark glasses and a wig so President Trump would mistake him for French President Emmanuel Macron and simply ignore him.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe also discussed disguising the Prime Minister as Ronald McDonald,\u201d the insider said. \u201cHowever, the strategy was deemed too high risk because Trump might attempt ordering from him.\u201d<\/p>\n

Loyal Labour MP Peeni Henare bows out gracefully from politics<\/p>\n

\"PhotoPhoto \/ Getty Images. Illustration \/ Greg Dixon<\/p>\n

Te P\u0101ti M\u0101ori a legal \u201ckete case\u201d say law experts<\/p>\n

Te P\u0101ti M\u0101ori\u2019s High Court stoush over an expelled MP could become the country\u2019s longest running case, due to the existence of two versions of the party\u2019s constitution, one in weasel words, the other in gibberish. <\/p>\n

The gibberish version is believed to make no sense at all, while the weasel words version appears to leave it up to individual members to do whatever they like.<\/p>\n

One legal expert said trying to understand Te P\u0101ti M\u0101ori\u2019s governance was like nailing down fog, and that a circus or clown town would be better venues for sorting out the mess than the High Court. <\/p>\n

\u201cIt is a total kete case,\u201d the expert said. \u201cThis will likely dwarf the Whanganui River claim as the longest running legal case in Aotearoa New Zealand because there appears to be no direct translation from the weasel words version to the gibberish of the sentence, \u2018When in doubt, just make it up as you go along.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n

Govt promising more clarity on MPs\u2019 progress in learning basics<\/p>\n

The government has unveiled a new school report system for its MPs, saying it will give voters clearer information about their representatives similar to the new primary and intermediate report cards.<\/p>\n

Chief government whip Stuart Smith said the twice-yearly evaluations would ensure all its MPs\u2019 achievements in three basic subjects \u2014 toeing the party line, sucking up to the PM and successfully ignoring the struggles of ordinary New Zealanders \u2014 were measured in a uniform way.<\/p>\n

The new reports would rank MPs across several aspects of each of the three subjects using a standardised five-point scale \u2014 \u201cpointless\u201d, \u201chopeless\u201d, \u201cstill a waste of a seat\u201d, \u201cmostly harmless\u201d and \u201csnivelling toady\u201d.<\/p>\n

Smith said in the past coalition MPs have been able to rise through the ranks when hopeless. But from now on it was expected that all government MPs would need to reach the mostly harmless mark to be considered for a ministry outside cabinet and have reached \u2018snivelling toady\u2019 to be inside cabinet.<\/p>\n

\u201cObviously the reports\u2019 five-point scale will not be applied to either Deputy Prime Minister David Seymour or former Deputy Prime Minister Winston Peters,\u201d Smith said.<\/p>\n

\u201cAs leaders of their own parties, they will have a separate three-point scale: \u201cargumentative\u201d, \u201cantagonistic\u201d and \u201cgone batshit crazy\u201d. <\/p>\n

\"PhotoPhoto \/ NZME. Illustration \/ Greg Dixon.<\/p>\n

Govt launches new dob-in line for overzealous traffic lights<\/p>\n

Following the complete successful failure of the traffic cone hotline, Minister for Brilliant Ideas Brooke van Velden has declared war on the \u201cscourge\u201d of traffic lights.<\/p>\n

\u201cThe country is being held to ransom by council\u2019s overzealous use of traffic lights,\u201d Van Velden said in a press release. \u201cI have research conducted inside my head that proves New Zealand\u2019s productivity continues to lag behind the rest of the world because of the unacceptably high number of traffic lights found on our roads.\u201d<\/p>\n

Van Velden said while green traffic lights were popular with voters, red traffic lights were not. The hotline was for reporting red lights only.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt is my long-term goal to replace all red lights with green lights and leave it to the public to adopt a risk-based approach to safety at intersections.\u201d<\/p>\n

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Copy LinkEmailFacebookTwitter\/XLinkedInReddit<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Photo \/ Getty Images. Illustration \/ Greg Dixon. National Party sources have revealed Prime Minister Christopher Luxon\u2019s confidential…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":270696,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[9526,16426,17245,12471,91651,9219,2178,65040,153302,2082,15209,52096,305,4748,16099,18206,27983,48062,6722,3556,111,43,139,69,1118,4762,2170,135,2572,415,12860,9095,39811,656,2179,102],"class_list":["post-270695","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-new-zealand","tag-another","tag-christopher","tag-confidential","tag-dealing","tag-dixons","tag-dog","tag-donald","tag-erratic","tag-foolproof","tag-for","tag-greg","tag-handling","tag-have","tag-hiding","tag-kind","tag-leaked","tag-luxons","tag-mad","tag-minister","tag-national","tag-new-zealand","tag-news","tag-newzealand","tag-nz","tag-of","tag-party","tag-plan","tag-politics","tag-president","tag-prime","tag-revealed","tag-secret","tag-sources","tag-strategy","tag-trump","tag-with"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/270695","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=270695"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/270695\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/270696"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=270695"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=270695"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=270695"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}