I\u2019d done the backpacking for several months all through Southeast Asia without too many glitches, scars or con-jobs, but the grand plan to follow that up by settling in with a bunch of go-getting Kiwis already relocated to Canada? For the builders, project managers and finance guys among us, all good. For the broadcasters? Well, I managed the \u201cgo\u201d, not quite so much the \u201cget\u201d.<\/p>\n
After months of rejections and brush-offs, I saw a job ad to be the DJ at a Club Med resort in the Bahamas. This wasn\u2019t quite what I had in mind when I set off overseas, but I craved adventures and stories to tell, and this would surely offer that. Plus, a childhood in Malaysia had ingrained in me a love of hot weather, and the Bahamas sounded a lot more appealing than winter in Vancouver (why did I move to Canada again?) <\/p>\n
Turned out I didn\u2019t have the right visa but wait, would I consider the Whitsundays in Queensland instead? As a New Zealander, there\u2019d be no visa issue. In a word, yes. <\/p>\n
Two weeks later I left Canada debt-free \u2013 thanks to winning a big karaoke competition in Vancouver, which I suspect was rigged because the bar owner knew my plight. I was bound for the tropical warmth and sunshine of the Whitsundays, and the southern reaches of the Great Barrier Reef. It would be the most bonkers six months of my life.<\/p>\n
Dancing, and more dancing<\/p>\n
I don\u2019t dance. I pester karaoke bars, but dancing? No. Club Med Lindeman Island is obsessed with dancing. There\u2019s dancing when the new guests \u2013 fresh off the boat, sometimes seasick, always hot, usually desperate to get to their air-conditioned rooms \u2013 are first detained in the theatre and formally\/flamboyantly welcomed to the resort. There\u2019s dancing by the pool. There\u2019s dancing when it rains. There\u2019s dancing in the nightly shows. And if I\u2019m playing the right songs at the right time, there\u2019s dancing in the \u201cdisco\u201d at the top of the hill where I\u2019m the resident DJ.<\/p>\n
Tim Roxborogh (back row in the centre) with Club Med staff on Lindeman Island in 2010.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s here I learn of the curious phenomenon in which approximately 80% of the male human species believes he\u2019s been a DJ at some point in his life: \u201cDo you mind if I take over for a bit? I used to be a DJ,\u201d is as common a request as actual, well, requests. \u201cI\u2019ll see what I can do,\u201d usually works as a deterrent.<\/p>\n
During the days I spend my time welcoming new arrivals, doing the sound for the Kids Club performances, and rehearsals for whatever that evening\u2019s show is. There\u2019s a Michael Jackson show, one called Around The World, another featuring musical highlights, and various comedy skits. And if there\u2019s a whiff of an excuse for the male staff to dress in women\u2019s clothes, you can guarantee that\u2019ll happen at least a couple of nights a week. I\u2019ve quickly ascertained that at Club Med circa 2010, there are few things funnier than a man dressed as a lady.<\/p>\n
Tim Roxborogh hosting poolside tomfoolery at Club Med Lindeman Island in the Whitsundays in 2010.<\/p>\n
Blessedly, my days are also spent playing tennis with the guests, given the resort\u2019s tennis coach had been let go during the still-spluttering Global Financial Crisis that began in 2008. Enter me as less of a coach and more of an on-call opponent for the guests. I love tennis and this quickly morphs from an unstated part of my role into something bordering on the semi-official.<\/p>\n
Beyond the resort\u2019s tennis courts, there\u2019s a circus school with a trapeze and about half a dozen \u2013 it must be said \u2013 extremely tanned, good-looking trapeze artists. There\u2019s also a sailing school (ditto the staff there), archery, golf, volleyball, two swimming pools, a gymnasium, gift shop, spa, two restaurants, and a permanently broken self-serve Coke machine next to the main bar with a sign that reads: \u201cThe Coke technician is on his way and will be here shortly\u201d.<\/p>\n
Having voluntarily given up the beautiful, historic central Auckland apartment I\u2019d lived in since I was 18, to backpack through Asia and not make it in North America, I now reside on a remote 6.5sq km island in Queensland in a place called \u201cD Block\u201d. <\/p>\n
I\u2019m told not everyone\u2019s lucky enough to have their own room, albeit one with a bathroom I share with a fellow Kiwi, whom I barely see and whose name I don\u2019t think I ever grab. He works in the restaurant and spends his off days making punch in a cleaning bucket that he keeps in our hallway.<\/p>\n
There are characters for Africa, or at least the entire continent of Australia. There\u2019s an absurdly charismatic general manager who\u2019s as handsome as the guys in Milli Vanilli. He could be a model. Or a spiritual guru. Or a manager clad in trendy Thai fisherman\u2019s pants at a tired 3-star resort in the Whitsundays.<\/p>\n
There\u2019s a restaurant manager who swaggers around like some kind of mafioso dude, a middle manager who\u2019s trigger-happy with her official warnings for minor offences (\u201cthe lectern was in the wrong place \u2013 warning!\u201d), and a daydreaming archery instructor who rolls his eyes and audibly sighs whenever guests want to \u2013 shock horror \u2013 do some archery. <\/p>\n
There\u2019s a bogan stockroom guy who threatens to beat me up if I don\u2019t play his requests when he\u2019s had a skinful, and one of my absolute faves, the middle-aged, golf-buggy-driving porter who can never remember which rooms he\u2019s meant to drop the bags off to.<\/p>\n
But more significantly, there\u2019s a small core of people who become among my closest friends. There\u2019s Georgie Love, the receptionist who\u2019s studied journalism, dances in all the shows and will one day go on to find fame as a newsreader, podcaster and star of TV\u2019s The Bachelorette. <\/p>\n
Georgie Love with Club Med Lindeman Island in the background in 2010.<\/p>\n
There\u2019s Lauren Harder, who works the excursions desk and utters the phrase \u201cwelcome to paradise\u201d to every guest, even when there\u2019s a power cut, it\u2019s 30C and both pools have been closed due to the spotting of foreign objects. <\/p>\n
There\u2019s Ben, the lighting director who\u2019s oddly unperturbed being saddled with half my job as well as his own due to my inability to plug anything in or fix even the smallest technical problems.<\/p>\n
And then there\u2019s Glenn Davis, who\u2019s younger than me as well as less jaded, less burdened by ego and \u2013 gloriously for an alleged set designer \u2013 doesn\u2019t have an artistic bone in his body.<\/p>\n
Tim Roxborogh (right) with Glenn Davis while they were working at Club Med Lindeman Island.<\/p>\n
He\u2019s instantly my best mate on the island and we revel in the daily humour of life here. Things like the time our favourite porter dons a wide-brim hat and fake moustache, pretends to be a guest, and sneaks into the main restaurant before getting busted. <\/p>\n
In Glenn, I\u2019ve also found someone I can confide, \u201cWhat the hell am I doing here?\u201d Because really, what am I actually doing here?<\/p>\n
Tim Roxborogh fondly remembers working with Glenn Davis and Lauren Harder (both pictured) at Club Med Lindeman Island in 2010.<\/p>\n
I spend too much of my six-month Club Med contract thinking how I\u2019ve stuffed up my career. I sometimes sense I\u2019ll regret this: not that I came to the island, but the all-too frequent internal battles with my own self-importance. And yet I\u2019m living in the tropics. I\u2019ve snorkelled the Great Barrier Reef, landed in a seaplane at the world-famous Whitehaven Beach, hiked every trail on Hamilton Island, and discovered every secret beach, bay and bush walk on Lindeman. And done it all with some awesome people who\u2019ll be lifelong friends.<\/p>\n
Great Barrier Reef from the air.<\/p>\n
November marks 15 years since I arrived on Lindeman Island. In January 2012, a year after I\u2019d done my DJ set at my final, triumphant disco, Club Med closed its only Australian resort. To this day, all those buildings and facilities remain abandoned. <\/p>\n
Club Med Lindeman Island, in the Whitsundays, closed in January 2012.<\/p>\n
I returned to New Zealand, got back into radio and after 25 years in the industry, I feel like I\u2019m probably still trying to \u201cmake it\u201d. But at least I\u2019ve got some yarns! And every time I speak to a talkback caller who\u2019s down on their luck, I can draw on resources of empathy that include walking down the street in a foreign city and having no idea how to pay the rent. To that, thank you Simon Dallow.<\/p>\n
Tim Roxborogh hosts shows on Newstalk ZB and Coast and is a regular Herald contributor.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"I\u2019d done the backpacking for several months all through Southeast Asia without too many glitches, scars or con-jobs,…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":278170,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[8],"tags":[95,806,9516,2199,18836,1320,36445,6097,8532,156,6440,4756,156250,305,12022,221,194,6036,5812,156249,111,139,69,4965,5970,16401,544,5424,3217,810,4770,4524,19135,6438],"class_list":["post-278169","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-entertainment","tag-and","tag-as","tag-broadcaster","tag-city","tag-club","tag-coach","tag-dj","tag-down","tag-ended","tag-entertainment","tag-ever","tag-foreign","tag-gonna","tag-have","tag-host","tag-how","tag-kiwi","tag-know","tag-make","tag-med","tag-new-zealand","tag-newzealand","tag-nz","tag-radio","tag-really","tag-rent","tag-some","tag-street","tag-tennis","tag-up","tag-walking","tag-want","tag-working","tag-youre"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/278169","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=278169"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/278169\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/278170"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=278169"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=278169"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=278169"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}