Gilmartin had been living in Wellington at the time of Matthew\u2019s death. <\/p>\n
Their children were just 4 and 6. <\/p>\n
She was sleeping in her daughter\u2019s room that night, as her daughter was unwell.<\/p>\n
She returned to the master bedroom in the morning to find Matthew had died.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s a shock I will never get over,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n
The trauma stayed with her for years. She said she spent countless nights checking on her children repeatedly to make sure they were breathing.<\/p>\n
\u201cI was suddenly alone with two little kids. It was horrendous.\u201d<\/p>\n
Shelley Gilmartin with her late husband Matthew, who died suddenly in 2019.<\/p>\n
Gilmartin moved to Hawke\u2019s Bay in late 2021.<\/p>\n
\u201cI felt like a weight had come off my shoulders,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n
Two years ago, she remarried a man called Andy, who she says has been fully supportive of her ongoing grief and of her desire to help others.<\/p>\n
\u201cPeople think, \u2018you\u2019ve got a new partner, you\u2019re fine now\u2019, but that\u2019s not how it works,\u201d she said. <\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m still grieving the man I lost. But I\u2019m also happy, and that\u2019s okay … it\u2019s okay to be happy after this tragedy, and it\u2019s okay to move on with your life.\u201d<\/p>\n
Shelley Gilmartin and her husband Andy on their wedding day two years ago.<\/p>\n
Gilmartin says she knows too well the fear, anxiety and guilt that come with widowhood, including the feelings carried by her children.<\/p>\n
\u201cThey feel guilty because they can\u2019t remember him clearly,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n
\u201cWe\u2019ve got photos of Matthew around the house. I talk about him all the time. I want to make sure he still lives on in my kids.\u201d<\/p>\n
Gilmartin said she felt widows often faced judgment from society, and that sense of isolation was one of the driving forces behind creating the meetup.<\/p>\n
After posting about the event on Facebook, the response surprised her. <\/p>\n
Within a week, more than 40 women said they planned to attend, with dozens more sending private messages.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019ve had a woman from Auckland saying she saw my post and is thinking of flying down for it. I\u2019ve had another woman saying, \u2018my daughter in London saw your post, and she got in touch with me about it, and I\u2019d like to come along.\u2019<\/p>\n
\u201cIt seems to have really struck a nerve with people.\u201d<\/p>\n
The gathering will be strictly widows-only, and she chose a local eatery and bar as the venue for a relaxed setting.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s about connecting, not counselling,\u201d she said. <\/p>\n
\u201cJust a couple of hours where you can leave feeling a little lighter.\u201d<\/p>\n
She hopes the group may continue monthly, but says the direction will be decided collectively.<\/p>\n
The first widow meet-up will be held at Madame Social in Napier on February 20 at 5pm.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Gilmartin had been living in Wellington at the time of Matthew\u2019s death. Their children were just 4 and…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":285799,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[74,57982,2203,111,43,139,69,1118,159089,2730,223,12637,12628,4770,159090,1354],"class_list":["post-285798","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-new-zealand","tag-after","tag-gathering","tag-journey","tag-new-zealand","tag-news","tag-newzealand","tag-nz","tag-of","tag-organises","tag-personal","tag-the","tag-together","tag-tragedy","tag-walking","tag-widows","tag-woman"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/285798","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=285798"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/285798\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/285799"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=285798"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=285798"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=285798"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}