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Photo provided by Lyndsey Fennelly.<\/p>\nAfter days without sleep and with a mind that wouldn\u2019t slow down, Lyndsey Fennelly reached a moment she could no longer live in denial. \u201cYou have to take me to the hospital,\u201d Lyndsey said to her husband, Iowa State University assistant women\u2019s basketball coach Billy Fennelly.\u00a0<\/p>\n
Her words marked a turning point from denial towards acceptance and, finally, advocacy.<\/p>\n
Mental illness doesn\u2019t always look like sadness, staying under the sheets of your bed or refusal to move out of a dark room. Sometimes it looks like endless energy, sleepless nights, packed schedules and a life that appears widely successful. For Lyndsey, it took her two hospital visits to stop trying to outrun her mental illness and ask for help.<\/p>\n
As a former Iowa State women\u2019s basketball player who was recently added to the 2024 Iowa State Athletic Hall of Fame and drafted in 2007 by the Indiana Fever, Lyndsey didn\u2019t think the premise of mental illness would be apparent to her.\u00a0<\/p>\n
As an athlete, one holds countless responsibilities on their shoulders: class, practices, games, workouts, traveling, homework and so much more. For Lyndsey, an athlete under Iowa State women\u2019s head coach Bill Fennelly, her busy mind was nothing out of the ordinary as she carried an active mind wherever she went; it was just who she was.<\/p>\n
\u201cI remember I could sit in Hilton Coliseum, coach Fennelly would be talking to me, I could hear people talking behind me in the stands, I could make eye contact with a teammate, I could look up at the scoreboard, I could assess the next possession,\u201d Lyndsey said. \u201cI remember thinking, \u2018So wow, I\u2019m pretty tuned in to a lot of what\u2019s going on.\u2019 I thought that was just being a good point guard.\u201d<\/p>\n
It wasn\u2019t until 2012 that a turning point happened for Lyndsey\u2019s mental health: a miscarriage.<\/p>\n
Lyndsey\u2019s father and doctor encouraged her to seek professional help with her loss. While they recommended support options such as therapy and talking to someone, Lyndsey chose a different approach.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s where I did the opposite, I busied myself for the next six months, I was in the gym as much as humanly possible, training kids and I thought if I couldn\u2019t have my own kids, then it\u2019s time to help everyone else\u2019s kids,\u201d Lyndsey said. \u201cI was doing lessons at 6 a.m. and 6 p.m. and running this intense, crazy schedule and that\u2019s when it all came crashing down six months later.\u201d<\/p>\n
Following a manic episode, Lyndsey was admitted to Mary Greeley Medical Center in 2013 for a 15-day stay, where she was first diagnosed with a mental illness.\u00a0<\/p>\n
After being discharged, Lyndsey denied having a mental illness. She was a successful woman who owned a business, was married and played in the WNBA. Why would she, of all people, have a mental illness? Her life was seemingly perfect; she was not a person who would have a mental illness, and Lyndsey believed that.<\/p>\n
\u201cIn 2013, if you were mentally ill, you were deranged, suicidal, violent, a bunch of negative connotations,\u201d Lyndsey said. \u201cSo I said, \u2018No way this is me, there\u2019s nothing wrong with me, I don\u2019t need therapy and medication is for weak people.\u2019 So I went five years, no medication, no treatment and just ignored the reality of what the heck was going on.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n
Photo provided by Lyndsey Fennelly.<\/p>\n
Once discharged, Lyndsey went on for five years without another thought about being diagnosed with a mental illness. She continued to strive in her work, family and keeping a busy schedule.<\/p>\n
The best part of those five years? Her two children were born, Will and Callie, now ages 11 and 8.<\/p>\n
Living life to the fullest, Lyndsey took a trip with a close friend to California, but the trip took a downward spiral as her mind was plagued with constant thoughts. Juggling a bunch of responsibilities, she lost control in what she\u2019s called a manic episode, leading her to cut her trip short.<\/p>\n
Lyndsey recalled what she said to her friend during her manic episode while in California.<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t feel good about myself,\u201d Lyndsey said. \u201cIt was the lowest someone could think of themselves. I was there.\u201d<\/p>\n
Lyndsey was put in a straitjacket and taken by ambulance to the medical center at UCLA, before flying back to Iowa.<\/p>\n
During those days of travel and rest, Lyndsey turned to her husband and said, \u201cTake me to the hospital.\u201d<\/p>\n
Lyndsey was admitted back to Mary Greeley Medical Center in 2018.\u00a0<\/p>\n
For 21 days, Lyndsey stayed in the unit and gained a better insight into her illness, taking medication, sleeping, having three meals a day and even doing arts and crafts.<\/p>\n
Although in the process of trying to stabilize her condition, Lyndsey felt foggy in the beginning, didn\u2019t talk to other patients and kept mostly to herself. However, the biggest win for her was having visitors during the hospital\u2019s two-hour visiting window.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019ll never forget the look on the patients\u2019 faces when they saw my father-in-law [Bill Fennelly] walk into the unit and just give me a big hug,\u201d Lyndsey said.<\/p>\n
With an underlying thought that she brought embarrassment to the Fennelly name, Lyndsey did not go around Mary Greeley and tell the patients who she was family with; however, Bill did not care and walked straight into the facility during visiting hours and gave her a big hug.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhen I went to see her, obviously, she was going through a tough time and the chance just for all of us as a family to show her how much we love her, we care about her, the pride that we have in the way she\u2019s handled all this, this has been amazing,\u201d Bill said.<\/p>\n
With her family coming together for support, Lyndsey\u2019s most important and favorite visitors were her two children, alongside her husband, who visited every day. Lyndsey was described as lighting up like a Christmas tree anytime she got a visitor.<\/p>\n
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Photo provided by Lyndsey Fennelly.<\/p>\n
\u201cI just had this army of people, family and friends who said, \u2018Okay, you\u2019re going to be up there, you\u2019re not going to have your phone, you\u2019re not going to have the most important person in your life keep being your backbone. You\u2019re not going to have the light of your lives, you\u2019re gonna just have yourself and you\u2019re going to get through this,\u2019\u201d Lyndsey said. \u201cThat\u2019s as much love as I have ever felt in the world.\u201d<\/p>\n
Discharged in late April of 2018, Lyndsey spent weeks without a phone, and it wasn\u2019t until May that she posted on Instagram, announcing she experienced an episode leading to an extended hospital stay. She also announced her desire to break the stigma around mental health and be an advocate.<\/p>\n
Since then, Lyndsey has led over 250 events, reaching over 20,000 individuals as she shares her experiences of her mental health journey and hopes to reduce the stigma that follows mental health.<\/p>\n
\u201cI still live, anything and everything I have touched professionally or personally, I have to convince myself that I am enough and I am awarded every single day,\u201d Lyndsey said. \u201cSo it starts and ends with me, and that\u2019s kind of my parameter of healing and recovery.\u201d<\/p>\n
A common occurrence for Lyndsey, also known as a trigger for her hospital stay, was that she did not sleep for a couple of days, alongside not eating and forgetting to do basic self-care.\u00a0<\/p>\n
Knowing her limits and when she needs help, Lyndsey was admitted back to Mary Greeley in 2023 for a 12-day stay.<\/p>\n
Lyndsey has continued to grow, showing once again how it is not embarrassing to ask for help, and has gained a better understanding of herself and her mental illness. Since then, Lyndsey has developed schedules, met with therapists, all while also expanding her businesses and, above all, has continued to be a mom to her two children, whom she calls the lights of her life.<\/p>\n
However, Lyndsey is human; she will make mistakes, she, like everyone else, is not perfect, but she does not let past mistakes keep her from living a life that is well deserved.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s the mirror, I can\u2019t stand myself, I still can\u2019t,\u201d Lyndsey said. \u201cThere are moments, there are things, that I question, \u2018Did I do this right? Was I perfect here? Or was I helpful enough in this setting?\u2019 But if I can look in the mirror a couple of seconds at a time and just pause and say, \u2018You know what, you\u2019re doing alright, you\u2019re doing good,\u2019 then I know I made it.\u201d<\/p>\n
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Lyndsey Fennelly talks for SheTalks at the Women Who Create Conference at the\u00a0ISU Economic Development Core Facility on Oct. 24.\u00a0 (Matthew Eclatt\/ Iowa State Daily)<\/p>\n
Lyndsey has now created a podcast called \u201cPerfectly Imperfect\u201d with co-host Brittnie Landsgard, where both women have an honest conversation around mental health, share experiences and empower individuals to feel seen and supported.<\/p>\n
\u201cI had a lot of people tell me she was a really, really, really good basketball player,\u201d Bill said. \u201cI\u2019ve had a hell of a lot more people tell me how much they appreciate what she\u2019s done in this journey.\u201d<\/p>\n
Lyndsey\u2019s journey is a reminder that mental illness does not discriminate and asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness. Through her resilience, openness and unwavering commitment to her family, Lyndsey shows that life doesn\u2019t need to be perfect to be meaningful and through her imperfections, the most powerful victories are not the ones we achieve alone, but the ones we reach together.<\/p>\n
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