Giving Birth To My Father was my place to express and look at my grief at the death of my dad. It was my place to hold members of my family \u2013 and, by extension, Samoan funeral culture gone bad \u2013 to account. To be angry about how destructive they\/it can be.\u00a0<\/p>\n
It took me nine years to finish that book.<\/p>\n
The book was great for me, but not for my friend. Not at the moment. It is too painful for her; maybe a bit later it will be easier for her. I know there are poems in there that are loving, and that can be soothing. And there are poems that are angry, and that can help support our own anger.<\/p>\n
Poorhara<\/a> by Michelle Rahurahu was my favourite book of 2025. It burrowed under my skin and will stay forever alive inside me. It is a great book and it wasn\u2019t easy for me to read. I had to keep stopping and having a break. I can\u2019t read books the way I used to. I have to keep having a rest, sometimes a very long rest. Sometimes I can\u2019t cope with being inside the heads of characters who are suffering; of a world that is cruel. It all feels too close to my own darkness that I am, on the daily, trying to keep at bay.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n One of the things I do, to manage this, is watch Schitt\u2019s Creek.<\/p>\n As I\u2019m writing this, I\u2019ve turned Schitt\u2019s Creek on to play in the background. Alexis (bubbly, former socialite with vocal fry), one of my favourite characters, is flouncing about with her hands hanging, held out limply in front of her as if her wrists are broken. If you haven\u2019t come across this posture, it\u2019s a whole look.<\/p>\n \u201cAlexis-face\u201d has, almost without my knowledge, transmuted itself onto my face. Alexis-face is what I call the expression she makes when she is faux-sad. It looks cute on her in an emoji-sad-kitten-face kind of way. On me, it\u2019s goblin-face. I can\u2019t seem to stop myself from doing this goblin-face in response to any very minor sadness; usually other people\u2019s, which is probably not a great experience for my friends. At least Alexis is only alive in my face. My wrists and hands remain my own.<\/p>\n This is my 43rd watch of Schitt\u2019s Creek. The maths around that: 13 episodes per season x six seasons x 42 watches + 40 episodes (of the 43rd watch) = 3, 400 episodes x 22 minutes per episode = 74,800 minutes or 1,246 hours. Those 1,246 hours don\u2019t count the many one-off, out of order episodes I\u2019ve watched or the hours I\u2019ve spent googling Schitt\u2019s Creek or Schitt\u2019s Creek adjacent info.<\/p>\n I know a good amount of the dialogue and can parrot lines, with correct intonation, in time with the actors. I\u2019ve scrutinised the wardrobe, the hair and make-up, the sets, the props and the extras. The writing is brilliant \u2013 clever, funny \u2013 both biting and heartwarming. The writing has even entered pop culture language. The two most famous quotes, in my opinion, are:<\/p>\n \u201cI like the wine and not the label\u201d\u00a0\u2013 a metaphor for one\u2019s gender-choice of sexual partner coined by David, Alexis\u2019 queer, fashion-forward brother. My only \u201cpet peeve\u201d (quoting Ted, the pun-prone vet) about the show is that although there are a few \u2013 well, only two \u2013 actors of colour in the cast; there are, comparatively, a very large number of people of colour among the non-speaking extras. I wonder if this is an attempt to make up for the whiteness of the cast? If so, eew, David!<\/p>\n 1,246 hours, the equivalent of 52 solid days spent watching Schitt\u2019s Creek. Am I an obsessive time-waster? Or have I found something beneficial to my life? I vote for the second option.<\/p>\n When I feel low on waking up in the morning and can\u2019t get myself out of bed (which is almost every morning), I watch Schitt\u2019s Creek. When I can\u2019t make myself turn the lights off at night and go to sleep (which is nearly every night), I watch Schitt\u2019s Creek. When I\u2019m making breakfast, lunch or dinner (which I hate doing), I watch Schitt\u2019s Creek. When I\u2019m having a shower, I listen to Schitt\u2019s Creek. The things that I think most people can do easily, give me dread. The dread can make me freeze, unable to do what needs to be done. I watch Schitt\u2019s Creek to get through the tasks of life.\u00a0<\/p>\n Lately, though, I\u2019ve been able to half the dose of the antidepressant I\u2019m on (under my doctor\u2019s supervision, just in case you\u2019re wondering). Could Schitt\u2019s Creek be responsible?\u00a0<\/p>\n There have been studies. The Journal of Consumer Research asserts that \u201creturning to familiar stories can help ease stress, soothe the nervous system, and restore a sense of emotional balance\u201d.<\/p>\n Beloved stories provide comfort, perhaps particularly for people (like me) who struggle with anxiety, emotional sensitivity and a raft of difficult feelings. Ick, the feelings! Apparently, when people (like me) watch and rewatch the beloved story, it\u2019s not so much about the repetition as much as it\u2019s about the renewal.<\/p>\n Some more research for you: Jay Derrick, in their 2012 study<\/a>\u00a0 in the journal of Social Psychological and Personality Science, reckons: \u201c\u2026 people have a limited pool of these valuable mental resources\u201d. While you are watching the familiar story\u2026 \u00a0\u201cyou are not exerting the mental energy required for self-control or willpower. At the same time, you are enjoying your \u2018interaction\u2019 with the TV show\u2019s characters, and this activity restores your energy.\u201d<\/p>\n Schitt\u2019s Creek, and comedies in general, have probably replaced books for me \u2013 for now anyway. Schitt\u2019s Creek is a sure-fire mood lifter. Books are a risk. Books that make you feel good are hard to find. Books that make you feel good and are well written, are very hard to find. The reader in me is not pleased about this turn of events. I\u2019ve always been a bookworm. Not reading feels like a betrayal of my reading self.\u00a0<\/p>\n I\u2019m no psychologist; all I have to go on is my own experience. It seems to me \u2013 just from living in my own body and dealing with my brain for the last 59 years and watching those around me \u2013 that some people are better at self-control and emotional regulation (and all those other things) than others. Some have access to those resources from somewhere invisible inside themselves. And some of us need a boost \u2013 or a number of boosts \u2013 to access them.<\/p>\n Schitt\u2019s Creek is one of those boosts for me. Watching another show would not do for me what Schitt\u2019s Creek does. Even after 1,246 hours (and counting) the writing and the acting (and the wardrobe) still helps regulate me; helps me with motivation and self-control.\u00a0<\/p>\n I hope I will go back to reading the way I used to. I hope you are still reading books: books from outside your lived experience and books that are telling stories you relate to; books that will soothe you, shock you, make you angry and make you cry. But, we all deserve a break so we can keep our heads above water. In the words of Patrick (David\u2019s partner): \u201cWe do what we have to.\u201d<\/p>\n Giving Birth to My Father by Tusiata Avia ($30, Te Herenga Waka University Press) is longlisted for this year\u2019s Ockham New Zealand Book Awards<\/a>, and is available to purchase from Unity Books.<\/a><\/p>\nThe family at the heart of Schitt\u2019s Creek. Moira Rose (the sadly departed Catherine O\u2019Hara); Alexis Rose (Annie Murphy); Johnny Rose (Eugene Levy); and David Rose (Dan Levy).<\/p>\n
\nAlexis\u2019 famous \u201cEew, David\u201d \u2013 which has been made particularly good use of here<\/a>.<\/p>\nTusiata Avia reading at an event at Verb Wellington; and the cover of her latest, Ockham-book-awards-nominated book.<\/p>\n