So, how do you decide if it\u2019s right for you \u2013 and what should you expect? <\/p>\n
Should we get couples counselling?<\/p>\n
Relationship satisfaction changes over time. Research shows even knowing this can help couples navigate the usual ups and downs<\/a> of life together.<\/p>\n Some research also shows couples therapy can help lower relationship distress<\/a> (which might include things such as frequent arguments or feeling dissatisfied in your relationship).<\/p>\n It may be suitable for some couples who want to work through infidelity or stressors such as caregiving responsibilities. <\/p>\n Others may seek out preventative couples counselling<\/a>, which is focused on finding ways to improve communications before your relationship reaches crisis point. <\/p>\n Does it work? Well, some research<\/a> has found certain types of counselling did help cut the divorce rate among newlyweds \u2013 but so too did getting couples to simply watch romance movies<\/a> together and discuss the themes with their partner.<\/p>\n Overall, much depends on your motivation for seeking counselling and the mindset you\u2019re bringing to it. Ask yourself: what do I want to work on, and what do I hope to achieve?<\/p>\n If your goal is to get someone to \u201ctake your side\u201d, counselling may not help. A good couples counsellor should remain neutral<\/a>, and they\u2019re not there to take sides.<\/p>\n Many who seek couples counselling do so because they\u2019re arguing and disagreeing a lot with their partner. If that\u2019s you, it might help to let go of notions about who is \u201cright\u201d and move beyond anger. Instead, the focus in counselling may be on finding new conflict resolution skills<\/a>.<\/p>\n Counselling may help with:<\/p>\n improving communication skills<\/p>\n making better connections with each other<\/p>\n exploring the couples\u2019 hopes for the future<\/p>\n identifying what\u2019s blocking them from achieving these goals.<\/p>\n Couples counselling isn\u2019t always about staying together. Some use it to explore how to separate in a way that centres the needs of children<\/a>.<\/p>\n Others may have specific issues with intimacy or sex. In that case, a sexual health counsellor or sex therapist may be more suitable than a standard couples counsellor. You can find one via professional<\/a> organisations<\/a>. <\/p>\n With a sex therapist, you and your partner might talk about things such as:<\/p>\n mismatched libidos<\/p>\n bodily changes, for example, to do with ageing<\/p>\n expectations around sex<\/p>\n communication around sex<\/p>\n making adjustments to the way you interact to resolve these issues.<\/p>\n Importantly, though, not everyone needs therapy<\/a>, or would benefit from it. <\/p>\n It\u2019s no silver bullet.<\/p>\n Not for everyone<\/p>\n The problems or harms in some relationships will not be resolved through talking therapy. The most obvious is where violence and\/or coercive control is used: safety planning, not couples counselling, is more appropriate.<\/p>\n And it\u2019s important to remember the problems that lead people to conflict or counselling sometimes have structural causes that can\u2019t be \u201cfixed\u201d by a few therapy sessions. For instance, perhaps your relationship is suffering because you\u2019re experiencing stress at work, financial pressures<\/a>, or you\u2019re supporting a partner with depression<\/a>. These are complex structural issues.<\/p>\n It\u2019s also unclear how long the benefits of couples counselling last. One study<\/a> noted \u201cmany distressed couples benefit during relationship education courses but that these benefits decline when the program ends.\u201d<\/p>\n Couples in contented relationships do things daily for each other, such as making a coffee for your partner. How do people choose a counsellor?<\/p>\n There\u2019s a wide range of therapeutic techniques.<\/p>\n One famous approach is called the Gottman method<\/a>, where couples focus on things such as creating \u201clove maps<\/a>\u201d recording what you know about your partner, nurturing fondness, turning toward each other instead of away and solving problems. Famously, the Gottman approach also identifies the \u201cfour horsemen<\/a>\u201d of a relationship apocalypse: criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling.<\/p>\n Other couples counsellors will take more of a psychological or psychoanalytical approach, informed by techniques such as cognitive behavioural therapy.<\/p>\n Relationships Australia<\/a> provides a range of services including relationship counselling. <\/p>\n At the end of the day what matters most is that you and your couples counsellor \u201cclick\u201d; if you don\u2019t gel with yours, it\u2019s OK to find a new one.<\/p>\n Love is about doing<\/p>\n It can be helpful to use American author bell hooks\u2019 idea of love as a practice of \u201cdoing\u201d rather than a passive \u201cbeing\u201d. In other words, love is about doing things (for each other, together, or for yourself to fuel your relationship) rather than just about \u201cbeing in love\u201d.<\/p>\n Couples in long-term, contented relationships engage in day-to-day<\/a> love practices<\/a>, such as making a coffee for your partner, or watching a show together.<\/p>\n![\"Two](\"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/02\/file-20260217-56-3xcwp5.jpg\")
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\n Ketut Subiyanto\/Pexels<\/a><\/p>\n