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I\u2019m not gonna sugarcoat it, I was pretty grumpy about this warmhearted Christmas special. I started full of hope! Wow, a bonus episode like we get every season. We had a big finale where we all cried, but let\u2019s tack on this little bit of Christmas cheer in February. But I was not prepared for the BETRAYAL I would face at the hands of the writers and showrunners. Dorothy? We\u2019re bringing back Dorothy?<\/p>\n
Look. Normally, I would really like Dorothy. But I\u2019ve said it before \u2014 something about Siegfried and Mrs. Hall transforms me into the angry child whose parents are getting divorced and dating other people, only the parents were never together in the first place and are fictional, and I am a grown lady with two cats and a toddler. But here we are. Down with Dorothy!! Back to Malta with you!<\/p>\n
This Christmas, we\u2019ve got a sick goat, a Nativity play, a tree hunt, and a darts competition. Winner gets a turkey. \u201cIsn\u2019t the turkey an American bird?\u201d you correctly ask. Apparently it came to the U.K. in the sixteenth century<\/a>, which was a shock to me, and it\u2019s eaten at Christmas. If any non-Americans are reading this, turkey is not a Christmas thing for us, because we get it out of the way at Thanksgiving. But turkey may not be a Christmas thing for Skeldale House either, because there\u2019s a shortage due to the recently ended war. Also, rationing will not end until 1954<\/a>, but our favorite family doesn\u2019t need to know that. For now, Mrs. Hall suggests making a mock turkey, which is stuffing wrapped in bacon with parsnips for legs. I would eat that. I\u2019m not saying it would be the best, but it wouldn\u2019t be the worst. Tristan learns there\u2019s a darts competition at The Drovers, and the prize is a turkey. So it\u2019s on. Also, Maggie reminds Tristan that he needs to get a Christmas tree for the pub.<\/p>\n Helen is sick, so James takes over her Nativity play duties. This is mainly a lot of wrangling of children and the addition of a rabbit and some wooden swords. James is also still dealing with Mrs. Pumphrey and her quest for little Tricki Woo progeny. Now Mrs. Pumphrey is asking for testosterone shots for Tricki, which immediately makes me think about how our government is trying to limit medical care for trans men, and I just don\u2019t need this, show. You are my gentle veterinary escape program, and you\u2019re giving me this and a dying goat for Christmas.<\/p>\n Oh, right, remember Hilda? The wily goat that hid her injury, and then Siegfried learned a little about himself? Well, Mrs. Stokes calls Siegfried back out to the farm because Hilda broke out of the barn and ate a Christmas wreath that had laurel in it, which is poisonous. Siegfried makes a tea that absorbs toxins. They chat about Christmas, and Mrs. Stokes calls it a farmer\u2019s Christmas, as you\u2019re working like any other day. She says a lot of things to Siegfried about spending time with people he loves while he can, etc etc. I have a beef with Mrs. Stokes this week, so I have no time for her pontifications.<\/p>\n Yes, so Dorothy\u2019s back from Malta. \u201cGTFO, Dorothy,\u201d say my notes. She stops by and chats with Mrs. Hall, saying she was stuck in Malta for two years, as it was heavily bombed. Okay, well, that sounds very bad, I guess. Siegfried is very struck by Dorothy\u2019s reappearance (fine), but was somehow wounded by how she left last time. I\u2019ve blacked it all out and refuse to refresh my memory. But he\u2019s weird around her and keeps leaving. Mrs. Hall tells Dorothy that Siegfried has a good heart, but tries his best to keep it hidden. Yes, good. Later, Mrs. Hall tries to make Siegfried practice darts and Dorothy does that whole \u201clet me show you how to hold the sporting equipment\u201d move. Why do you hate my ship, show? Have you forgotten \u201cThe answer is always you\u201d? Because it happened last week. LAST WEEK. THE MOST ROMANTIC MOMENT IN TELEVISION. And now this? Ugh, let\u2019s see how the Christmas tree hunt is going.<\/p>\n Tristan can\u2019t find a Christmas tree anywhere. He\u2019s looked all over. Charlotte (wearing a suit and looking awesome) suggests the local Christmas tree farm. Tristan has not looked there. What is happening this week on the show? The Christmas tree farm is closed due to illness, but Charlotte and Tristan hop the gate, and Tristan tries to use a bonesaw to get Maggie a tree. This does not work. Tristan is morose, and Charlotte says that Christmas trees go back to the Druids, and they are part of our celebration because pine and fir trees are evergreen and remind us that the longest, hardest winter will end and spring will come. Excuse me, I have something in my eye. They find another saw, and Tristan tells Charlotte he loves her. She says it back. Okay, you get some points, show; you get SOME. POINTS. Emma Thompson\u2019s daughter is really pulling a lot of weight here. I did think Tristan and Maggie would get back together someday, but I love Charlotte.<\/p>\n Hilda, the poisoned goat, is off her food but merrily farting away. Dorothy harangues Siegfried into taking her with him (all my vocab choices will be anti-Dorothy, and you just have to make your peace with that), and Mrs. Stokes tells him to keep a hold of Dorothy. You\u2019re dead to me, Mrs. Stokes.<\/p>\n Back at Skeldale, Mrs. Hall is practicing darts like a responsible person who wants to win a turkey. Siegfried comes home and she asks if he invited Dorothy to The Drovers, as Dorothy is better suited to him than some of the other ladies he\u2019s seen. Siegfried responds with a speech about Plato-slash-Aristophanes, saying he is looking for the other half of his soul. Mrs. Hall tells him that if he spends his whole life looking for something that doesn\u2019t exist, he might miss what\u2019s right under his nose. Do you mean his housekeeper of many years, whom he just essentially professed his love to last week? That?<\/p>\n This is interrupted anyway by Mrs. Stokes, as Hilda has gotten worse. Siegfried goes to her farm and discovers that Hilda ate much more laurel than previously thought, and the kindest thing to do is to let her go. Sure, let\u2019s watch an old woman sing to her dying goat in the Christmas special. Everyone is fired.<\/p>\n The Nativity play is cute. James tells Mrs. Pumphrey he will not give Tricki shots, but that Mrs. Pumphrey is a part of their family. It feels like a tacked-on plot thread, but that\u2019s fine. Remember when Diana Rigg was Mrs. Pumphrey? What a long journey we\u2019ve all been on. And now we come to the darts competition. Who will win the turkey? Our protagonists, or some randos we\u2019ve never seen before? A mystery!<\/p>\n Dorothy shows up at The Drovers because the dying goat made Siegfried realize something about life (boooooooo), but, plus side, Mrs. Hall gets a bullseye and wins it all. When she looks for Siegfried and sees him kissing Dorothy (booooooo), she looks thrown off. Thrown off! Yes! Good! I can work with that. SEASON SEVEN WILL BE OUR YEAR.<\/p>\n So they win the turkey. Unfortunately, not only does it turn out to be a live turkey, but Jimmy names it Rudolph. So now no one can kill the turkey and they all have mock turkey for Christmas. Tristan toasts to those they\u2019ve lost, saying let\u2019s hope their sacrifice wasn\u2019t in vain and that the world doesn\u2019t go down this dark road again. Aghhhhhhhhhhhh. Merry February Christmas!<\/p>\n Sign Up for the Vulture Newsletter<\/p>\n Entertainment news, for the pop-culture obsessed.<\/p>\n Vox Media, LLC Terms and Privacy Notice<\/p>\n