A Utah woman called The Ramsey Show to get help dealing with her 19-year-old son and his irresponsible financial decisions.<\/p>\n
But co-hosts Jade Warshaw and Ken Coleman told her that it was less a \u201chim problem\u201d and more a \u201cher problem.\u201d<\/p>\n
Kay, from Salt Lake City, said that her son, who lives at home, had a car that was paid off and no debt, but he traded it in for a 2018 BMW a few months ago (1). His insurance is now being deducted from her account because she was trying to help him, but he hasn\u2019t paid her back. He also couldn\u2019t afford the registration. When the car broke down, she stepped in again and paid for the part.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m just trying to figure out how to put my foot down? Where do I draw the line?\u201d Kay asked, adding that she had asked him to move out and live with his father.<\/p>\n
Warshaw and Coleman both agreed that the problem\u2019s root cause is her.<\/p>\n
\u201cI have heard you say \u2018of course\u2019 twice when you describe that you swooped in and tried to help,\u201d Coleman said, interrupting Kay, adding that sending her son to live with his father wouldn\u2019t solve the problem. \u201cI\u2019m on your team, Kay, but the problem is you.\u201d<\/p>\n
Parents like Kay can struggle to know what the right decision is when it comes to helping their adult children financially.<\/p>\n
Kay said she didn\u2019t want her son to make the same money mistakes she\u2019d made when she was younger, such as getting into debt. However, stepping in each time her son makes a financial misstep might actually be hurting him.<\/p>\n
Warshaw and Coleman said Kay was robbing her son of the opportunity to learn from his mistakes. By stepping in and cleaning up every financial mess he makes, he is learning that no matter what he does, his mother will fix it.<\/p>\n
Teaching your children financial responsibility includes setting boundaries around the help that you offer. Financial help with no guidelines can turn into enabling.<\/p>\n
In Kay\u2019s case, her son\u2019s decision to buy a car that he cannot afford was an obvious mistake.<\/p>\n
Continuing to pay for expenses related to the car, even when he is not paying her back as they had agreed, reinforces that she will clean up his messes and teaches him that buying things you cannot afford isn\u2019t a problem.<\/p>\n
If you decide to loan an adult child money, you can set boundaries by outlining what exactly the money is meant for, how long the support will last and repayment terms (2). If your expectations around financial help are not clear, it can lead to conflict.<\/p>\n
Read More: The average net worth of Americans is a surprising $620,654. But it almost means nothing. Here\u2019s the number that counts (and how to make it skyrocket)<\/a><\/p>\n Kay is not alone. Many parents help their adult children financially, sometimes to their own detriment.<\/p>\n A 2025 Savings.com<\/a> survey of 1,000 parents of adult children found that the average monthly amount given by those who provide financial assistance is $1,474 (3).<\/p>\n A majority of the respondents who gave financial help said they were paying for regular expenses like groceries and rent. Of those offering help, 47% said that they had sacrificed their own financial security to help their grown kids (3).<\/p>\n If financial literacy, such as teaching your children how to build a budget, pay bills on time and save for the future, doesn\u2019t help, and you find that your adult children continually come to you for money, you may need to have a tough conversation or even cut them off.<\/p>\n You can explain the impact that helping them has had on your own finances, outline the help that you have already given and offer to help them in ways that don\u2019t include handing over cash, like connecting them with a financial adviser or coach.<\/p>\n Coleman and Warshaw suggested that Kay confess to her son that she had been too soft and that her fear of him making financial mistakes had led her to try to control the situation.<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s gonna suck,\u201d Coleman said.<\/p>\n But cutting off her financial help will likely help him more in the long run by teaching him how to live within his means, take care of himself, and make smart financial decisions.<\/p>\n Join 250,000+ readers and get Moneywise\u2019s best stories and exclusive interviews first \u2014 clear insights curated and delivered weekly. Subscribe now.<\/a><\/p>\n We rely only on vetted sources and credible third-party reporting. For details, see our editorial ethics and guidelines<\/a>.<\/p>\n The Ramsey Show (1<\/a>); InCharge (2<\/a>); Savings.com<\/a> (3<\/a>).<\/p>\n This article provides information only and should not be construed as advice. It is provided without warranty of any kind.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"A Utah woman called The Ramsey Show to get help dealing with her 19-year-old son and his irresponsible…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":308957,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[14],"tags":[36925,138,3205,246,25565,3207,168548,26709,111,139,69,244,245],"class_list":{"0":"post-308956","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-personal-finance","8":"tag-adult-children","9":"tag-business","10":"tag-dave-ramsey","11":"tag-finance","12":"tag-financial-decisions","13":"tag-jeff-bezos","14":"tag-kay","15":"tag-ken-coleman","16":"tag-new-zealand","17":"tag-newzealand","18":"tag-nz","19":"tag-personal-finance","20":"tag-personalfinance"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/308956","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=308956"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/308956\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/308957"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=308956"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=308956"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=308956"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}