\u201cYou look amazing. Have you lost weight?\u201d<\/p>\n
This is meant to be a compliment. It\u2019s usually said warmly, sometimes even enthusiastically. In our culture, weight loss is widely understood as something positive, something to celebrate. Yet the ripple effects of comments like this can be more complicated than people realize.<\/p>\n
In my work as a therapist specializing in eating disorders and body image<\/a>, I hear a version of the same story again and again. The time in someone\u2019s life when they received the most praise for their appearance was also the time they were the most unwell.<\/p>\n They were restricting food. And people kept telling them how great they looked.<\/p>\n Weight Loss Doesn\u2019t Tell Us What We Think It Does<\/p>\n Bodies change for many reasons. Weight loss can occur because of illness, grief<\/a>, depression<\/a>, medication<\/a> changes, chronic stress<\/a>, financial strain, or an eating disorder<\/a>. None of those situations is something most people would want to be congratulated for.<\/p>\n Even when weight loss is intentional, it doesn\u2019t necessarily mean someone is healthier or happier. Health is far more complex than a number on a scale. Yet culturally, we are taught to read bodies as if they tell a simple story: smaller means better. But bodies are far more complex than that.<\/p>\n Bodies Are Naturally Diverse<\/p>\n Another layer of the issue is the assumption that weight loss is inherently desirable. Human bodies naturally exist across a wide range of shapes and sizes. That diversity is part of normal human biology. But culturally, we have elevated one body type as the ideal and framed movement toward that ideal as success. When we automatically praise weight loss, we reinforce that hierarchy of bodies.<\/p>\n Research shows that weight stigma<\/a> is widespread and has real consequences. People in \u201clarger bodies\u201d face discrimination<\/a> in healthcare, workplaces, and social environments. Studies also show that experiences of weight stigma are linked with poorer psychological well-being, increased stress, and unhealthy eating behaviors (Puhl and Heuer, 2009; Puhl and Suh, 2015; Brown and colleagues, 2022).<\/p>\n The casual ways we talk about bodies help sustain a system that harms people.<\/p>\n The Complicated Reality of Eating Disorder Recovery<\/p>\n What people often don\u2019t realize is how comments about weight can affect eating disorder recovery. Part of recovery involves learning to stop obsessing about weight entirely. People practice eating consistently, responding to hunger and fullness cues, and stepping away from rigid rules about food and exercise.<\/p>\n Sometimes, when someone begins caring for their body in a more balanced way, their weight changes. In some cases, weight loss may occur as a byproduct of becoming more regulated and responsive to their body. And then the compliments begin.<\/p>\n \u201cYou look so good.\u201d For someone in eating disorder recovery, these comments can reignite thoughts they have been working hard to quiet.<\/p>\n Maybe I should restrict again. Especially early in recovery, comments about weight can unintentionally reinforce the very behaviors someone is trying to leave behind.<\/p>\n What We Can Say Instead<\/p>\n Most people who comment on weight are trying to connect or express care. The intention is not the problem. The focus is. There are many ways to compliment someone that do not center on their body size. You might say: Eating Disorders Essential Reads<\/p>\n Those comments recognize the person rather than evaluating their body.<\/p>\n A Cultural Shift<\/p>\n For generations, we\u2019ve been taught that weight loss is good news. Questioning that assumption can feel unfamiliar. But doing so allows space for something healthier: recognizing that bodies change, that health is complex, and that people deserve respect regardless of size. And sometimes the kindest compliment is the simplest one: \u201cIt\u2019s really good to see you.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"\u201cYou look amazing. Have you lost weight?\u201d This is meant to be a compliment. It\u2019s usually said warmly,…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":319321,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[111,43,139,69],"class_list":{"0":"post-319320","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-new-zealand","8":"tag-new-zealand","9":"tag-news","10":"tag-newzealand","11":"tag-nz"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/319320","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=319320"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/319320\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/319321"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=319320"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=319320"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=319320"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
They were purging.
They were exercising compulsively or barely eating enough to function.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhatever you\u2019re doing, keep doing it.\u201d<\/p>\n
Maybe I should exercise more.
Maybe this is what people like about me.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s really good to see you.\u201d
\u201cYou seem really present lately.\u201d
\u201cI always enjoy talking with you.\u201d
\u201cI admire how thoughtful you are.\u201d<\/p>\n