Christopher Luxon<\/p>\n
I was sitting around making a TikTok when an aide burst in the door and said, \u201cPrime Minister, there\u2019s been a GDP disaster. It\u2019s fallen almost a full percentage point in the three months ended June!\u201d<\/p>\n
I chuckled, and said, \u201cLabour\u2019s fault.\u201d<\/p>\n
He stared at me and said, \u201cThe 0.9% fall in economic activity in the June 2025 quarter is broad-based with falls in 10 out of 16 industries!\u201d<\/p>\n
I chortled, and said, \u201cLabour\u2019s fault.\u201d<\/p>\n
He walked closer, and said, \u201cManufacturing saw the hardest fall. It dropped 3.5% in the quarter, led by transport equipment, machinery, and equipment manufacturing which fell 6.2%.\u201d<\/p>\n
I sniggered, and said, \u201cLabour\u2019s fault.\u201d<\/p>\n
He leaned over my desk, and said, \u201cOverall, the New Zealand economy has contracted 1.4% or roughly $1 billion since the election in 2023.\u201d<\/p>\n
I snickered, and said, \u201cLabour\u2019s fault.\u201d<\/p>\n
He leaned into my face, and said, \u201cThis compares unfavourably to most other countries. New Zealand\u2019s economy has shrunk 0.6% relative to the same quarter last year, while Australia has grown 1.8%, Canada 1.2%, the European Union 1.6%, and the United Kingdom 1.2%.\u201d<\/p>\n
I looked out the window. It was raining. \u201cLabour\u2019s fault,\u201d I laughed, until I cried.<\/p>\n
Nicola Willis<\/p>\n
I was sitting in a leather armchair and staring into space when an aide burst in the door, and said, \u201cMore bad news on the GDP disaster! Economic activity is down 1.1% on an annual basis and GDP per capita has fallen 2.1%.\u201d<\/p>\n
I fixed my eyes on a distant point, and said, \u201cLower interest rates are filtering through the economy. There is evidence of increased mortgage lending. The outlook for most export sectors remains positive.\u201d<\/p>\n
The aide kept talking but I stopped listening to her petty and irrelevant statistics, and zoned my attention towards a distant point. I am a firm believer in the\u00a0Omega Point\u00a0Theory, a theorised future event in which the entirety of the universes spirals toward a final point of\u00a0unification.<\/p>\n
In essence the theory says that reality is making progress from some initial state to some final state. The progress is an increase in quality. For example, reality is making progress from the chaotic to the orderly, and from financial disaster to economic prosperity.<\/p>\n
I find it invaluable in all my decision making.<\/p>\n
Winston Peters<\/p>\n
I was asleep at my desk but was wakened by a loud hollow noise. It was Shane Jones, saying that apparently there was a GDP disaster.<\/p>\n
When he finished, I said, \u201cHow would you like to be deputy leader of New Zealand First?\u201d<\/p>\n
He said, \u201cI\u2019d like that.\u201d<\/p>\n
He left, and I went back to sleep.<\/p>\n
David Seymour<\/p>\n
I was at the polo with my employers from the Atlas Network and mentioned there had been a slight wobble with GDP.<\/p>\n
He said, \u201cI don\u2019t believe it.\u201d<\/p>\n
I said, \u201cIt\u2019s not as bad as it looks. It\u2019s the way of things with GDP.\u201d<\/p>\n
He said, \u201cNo, not that. I don\u2019t care about that. Look over there. Isn\u2019t that a M\u0101ori? How did they get in here? We don\u2019t want M\u0101oris in here, do we. Half-castes, they\u2019re alright.\u201d<\/p>\n
Chris Hipkins<\/p>\n
I was sitting perfectly still when an aide burst in the door and said, \u201cThere\u2019s been a GDP disaster!\u201d<\/p>\n
I listened as she expanded on how bad it was, and reeled off the statistics.<\/p>\n
When \u00a0she finished, she said, \u201cYou haven\u2019t moved.\u201d<\/p>\n
I stared into the distance, and said, \u201cHave you heard of the Omega Point\u00a0Theory?\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Christopher Luxon I was sitting around making a TikTok when an aide burst in the door and said,…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":31988,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[11],"tags":[138,219,111,139,69,3349],"class_list":{"0":"post-31987","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-economy","8":"tag-business","9":"tag-economy","10":"tag-new-zealand","11":"tag-newzealand","12":"tag-nz","13":"tag-satire"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/31987","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=31987"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/31987\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/31988"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=31987"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=31987"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=31987"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}