\u201cA video popped up of you that my friend sent me,\u201d she tells her husband.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat video?\u201d Joel croaks, rubbing the crust out of his eyes.<\/p>\n
\u201cUm \u2026 you playing the drums with dildos,\u201d Juliette snips.<\/p>\n
Joel refuses to be shamed for his dildo drumsticks.<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd that bothers you?\u201d he replies, offended by his wife\u2019s lack of appreciation for the arts. \u201cIt\u2019s just harmless humour. I\u2019m using dildos as drumsticks.\u201d<\/p>\n
Oh, Joel. The problem isn\u2019t the dildo drumsticks, per se. It\u2019s what the dildo drumsticks represent: your at-any-cost mission to go viral.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s weird,\u201d she says. \u201cThe facial expressions you were doing were … odd.\u201d<\/p>\n
We imagine the facial expressions were something like this:<\/p>\n
Exhibit A.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m icked out. I\u2019m so icked out,\u201d Juliette cringes.<\/p>\n
We don\u2019t know the full details of the video. In our minds, we like to think it\u2019s perhaps a twisted skit satirising that old Cadbury commercial with the big gorilla playing drums to the Phil Collins song In The Air Tonight.<\/p>\n
\u201cI can\u2019t help but feel embarrassed,\u201d Juliette confides in us. \u201cThat has pushed me over the edge about whether I find Joel attractive.\u201d<\/p>\n
We totally understand her frustrations. It\u2019s concerning. No one wants to live in fear their intimate bedroom accessories will be used for prop comedy skits on YouTube.<\/p>\n
Juliette is forever haunted by the tribal beats of Joel\u2019s dildocore album.<\/p>\n
Meanwhile, Scott and Gia have decided to merge their lives further by inviting some friends and family over for lunch. It all seems nice and polite until one of Scott\u2019s mates zones in on Gia.<\/p>\n
\u201cScott, is Gia a better version of ya ex?\u201d he grunts.<\/p>\n
Gia immediately goes in for the attack.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou wanna be controversial? I\u2019ll give it back because that\u2019s what I\u2019m like. I don\u2019t think you can compare because I would never start an OnlyFans for $8,\u201d she snaps, seemingly suggesting her husband\u2019s ex dabbles in amateur porn. \u201cI haven\u2019t slept with a bunch of people.\u201d<\/p>\n
Yeah, Matt! There\u2019s a huge difference between being a Playboy Bunny and being on OnlyFans!<\/p>\n
Scott tries to play down the tension and laughs it off. He doesn\u2019t even talk to that ex anymore, he says. But Gia\u2019s clearly agitated. So, later that night when she suddenly disappears, we assume they might be feuding about Scott\u2019s lack of support over lunch.<\/p>\n
But not quite.<\/p>\n
\u201cGia just walked out,\u201d Scott sighs to us.<\/p>\n
We cut to shaky handheld footage of Gia storming through the lobby with her luggage.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m done with the experiment, man. He can f*** off. I\u2019m done,\u201d she yells.<\/p>\n
She clamours into the back of a Kia Carnival and screeches away from Trash Tower.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s hard to pull off a swift dramatic exit in a Kia Carnival.<\/p>\n
Was it because of Scott\u2019s mouthy mate? No. A fight broke out because Gia found a photo of Scott\u2019s ex on his phone \u2013 and he refused to delete it. Was it a photo of the OnlyFans variety?<\/p>\n
We can\u2019t say for sure.<\/p>\n
But is the photo worse than, say, a video of Scott playing air drums with two dildos?<\/p>\n
Married at First Sight screens Sundays to Wednesdays on Three and Three Now<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"\u201cA video popped up of you that my friend sent me,\u201d she tells her husband. \u201cWhat video?\u201d Joel…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":321138,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[8],"tags":[20391,2246,665,1975,85,123832,173537,156,21039,17309,1888,6276,173535,10109,173534,19652,9610,9878,111,139,2551,69,8138,173536,9095,7680,3168,5348,18916,24172,416,1316],"class_list":["post-321137","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-entertainment","tag-20391","tag-2246","tag-around","tag-at","tag-australia","tag-banging","tag-dildos","tag-entertainment","tag-episode","tag-exposed","tag-first","tag-gets","tag-grooms","tag-husband","tag-ick","tag-mafs","tag-married","tag-monday","tag-new-zealand","tag-newzealand","tag-night","tag-nz","tag-recap","tag-repulses","tag-secret","tag-sex","tag-shared","tag-showing","tag-sight","tag-toy","tag-video","tag-when"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/321137","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=321137"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/321137\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/321138"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=321137"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=321137"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=321137"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}