Artist\u2019s impression of New Zealanders at Uniqlo (Image: Alex Casey)<\/p>\n
I thought about Uniqlo while reading the latest wave of New Zealand brain drain coverage, spurred by the revelation that Jacinda Ardern herself has recently relocated to Sydney. Around 120,000 New Zealanders left our shores last year<\/a> and more than half of them have chosen Australia as their new home<\/a>. With young departees citing such motivations as better wages, cheaper groceries and a wider range of job opportunities in Australia, one has to wonder if Uniqlo\u2019s promise of free hemming and veritable ROYGBIV of sling bags might also be sweetening the deal.<\/p>\n Comedian Johanna Cosgrove, who recently penned her own impassioned diatribe about why she moved to Australia<\/a>, tells The Spinoff that Uniqlo was a \u201chuge factor\u201d in her fleeing \u2013 right behind \u201ccost of living\u201d, \u201cabhorrent right-leaning government\u201d, \u201clack of thriving community\/third spaces\u201d and \u201clack of arts funding\u201d. Within 24 hours of arriving in Melbourne she ventured to Uniqlo, only to be left \u201cshaken and horrified\u201d to find it closed for renovations. Two months later, she was rewarded with \u201csocks and flared movement pants beyond my wildest dreams.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n Rhiannon McCall, another New Zealand comedian who recently jumped the ditch, also admits \u201cit\u2019s not just the groceries, the lifestyle, the work opportunities\u2026 it\u2019s also the Uniqlo that\u2019s brought me to Melbourne.\u201d In another damning blow for New Zealand\u2019s arts infrastructure, she reveals that Uniqlo is also nurturing her comedy career (Nosferatu<\/a> costume) in providing crucial resources (black turtleneck) at an accessible price. \u201cI don\u2019t know why we don\u2019t get these beautiful, stunning Japanese department stores with truly well made cheap basics,\u201d she says.\u00a0<\/p>\n Hundreds of New Zealanders who aren\u2019t even comedians have wondered the exact same thing on social media. Just last year, a Reddit post asking \u201cwhy hasn\u2019t Uniqlo entered the New Zealand market?<\/a>\u201d received 832 upvotes and 282 comments. \u201cKeeping it realistic but I would love an eight floor flagship store in Rolleston,\u201d wrote one sorrowful Cantabrian. \u201cI visit every time I go to Oz,\u201d said another mourner. Elsewhere on Facebook, many more lamented the same problem<\/a>. \u201cIf you have a friend in Australia you could ask them to ship Uniqlo clothing to you in NZ,\u201d suggested one.\u00a0<\/p>\n More painful still is that the Japanese clothing giant teased that it might be heading to our shores way back in 2017<\/a>. \u201cWe are still looking forward [to] the opportunity that we might have, or we will open, a store in New Zealand in the future,\u201d the company breadcrumbed us at the time. Nearly 10 years on, what I would say to you is that we\u2019ve been played. \u201cAt this stage we do not have any upcoming store openings in New Zealand,\u201d advised a representative from Uniqlo Australia, presumably while smugly chugging down a 2L bottle of milk that cost them 0.5c and a cheeky wink.\u00a0<\/p>\n But wait, there\u2019s more ownage. \u201cAt this stage we only ship to delivery addresses within Australia,\u201d they added gently, working hard to earn that 25% more cash per hour<\/a>. \u201cAlthough there will not be any changes in the near future [ouch], be sure to keep an eye out on our site in case anything changes.\u201d<\/p>\n While New Zealand struggles to make housing more affordable, increase job opportunities, bring down grocery prices and generally find a single reason that people should stay here, this is yet another blow. Yes, capitalism is evil and we can\u2019t consume our way to happiness, but imagine what it would do for our national mojo-meter, even for a moment, to\u00a0have a grand Uniqlo opening with anthropomorphised sling bags doing \u201cthe dougie\u201d and rapturous New Zealanders piling up on Heat Tech thermals for the long winter ahead (mine got me through a decade of damp, uninsulated flats).\u00a0<\/p>\nArtist\u2019s impression of New Zealanders coming home through customs from Australia. (Image: Alex Casey)<\/p>\n