{"id":354703,"date":"2026-03-30T05:23:09","date_gmt":"2026-03-30T05:23:09","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/354703\/"},"modified":"2026-03-30T05:23:09","modified_gmt":"2026-03-30T05:23:09","slug":"harry-brown-the-five-things-women-over-45-are-doing-that-repulse-men-im-a-52-year-old-divorcee-and-this-is-what-drives-me-mad-including-the-photo-that-made-me-block-and-ghost-my-date-instantly","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/354703\/","title":{"rendered":"HARRY BROWN: The five things women over 45 are doing that repulse men. I’m a 52-year-old divorcee and this is what drives me mad – including the photo that made me block and ghost my date instantly"},"content":{"rendered":"

I zoom in on the photo. Surely this isn\u2019t the same woman? The frizzy hair. Bags under her eyes. And she\u2019s definitely not a size 10.<\/p>\n

In the photograph I\u2019d seen on the dating app she looked fun and sexy, with a sharp, blonde bob and slim figure. Like the actress \u00adCharlize Theron<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Michelle and I had been texting after matching on Tinder<\/a> and, after a bit of persuasion, she\u2019d agreed to swap to Instagram (less intrusive than WhatsApp and better for getting a sense of someone\u2019s everyday life via posts).<\/p>\n

Immediately I scrolled through her photos \u2013 and all of them used filters. The eyelashes were too long, lips too plump, the forehead bowling- ball smooth.<\/p>\n

This drives me mad \u2013 just about every woman does it, no matter their age.<\/p>\n

And then I looked at her neck \u2013 for some reason, filters don\u2019t work on the neck \u2013 and there they were, the telltale wrinkles. A bit more online sleuthing and I found a photo from a work event just months before which showed the \u2018real\u2019 Michelle in a very large fleece with her frizzy hair. Eek! That dating profile picture must have been 20 years old.<\/p>\n

She\u2019d told me she was in her \u2018late 40s\u2019, but it was obvious she was over 55 and I won\u2019t date any woman of that age.<\/p>\n

Nobody is honest any more.<\/p>\n

\"First, <\/p>\n

First, don\u2019t hide your wrinkles, writes Harry Brown. Looks aren\u2019t the only thing that matters, but they do count and men will find out as soon as they meet you<\/p>\n

\"What <\/p>\n

What else do women do to put men off? Go on about how awful their marriages were; how they didn\u2019t feel \u2018seen\u2019, whatever that means<\/p>\n

I blocked her immediately and I didn\u2019t feel bad doing it.<\/p>\n

We hear a lot about the painful experiences of middle-aged women on dating sites, but let me tell you, it\u2019s no picnic for middle-aged men either.<\/p>\n

At 52, I\u2019m divorced with a grown-up daughter, though sadly we are now estranged and don\u2019t talk.<\/p>\n

In the 15 years since my marriage ended, I\u2019ve had three relationships, but I\u2019m back on the market \u2013 and since the apps are the only game in town, that\u2019s where I am.<\/p>\n

What do women do wrong when looking for a man like me? Well, where do I start.<\/p>\n

First, don\u2019t hide your wrinkles. Looks aren\u2019t the only thing that matters, but they do count and men will find out as soon as they meet you. Better to be upfront with someone and have him decide whether they\u2019re a deal-breaker or not before you waste everyone\u2019s time.<\/p>\n

Yes, I have greying hair (I think it makes me look distinguished) and perhaps I have a bit of a dad tum (though I go to the gym and keep in pretty good shape). But, frankly \u2013 and this is just how the world is \u2013 I think it\u2019s easier for men to get away with it.<\/p>\n

Also, don\u2019t immediately probe men on their money situation. I work long hours as a project manager in a top construction firm and my pension is looking very healthy, thank you, but I\u2019m not going to support you into your dotage.<\/p>\n

In fact, I try to get a steer on a woman\u2019s finances before I meet her in case she sees me as nothing more than a meal ticket. One recent date, for example, kept asking me questions about how much I earned, whether I owned my property and did I have any obligations to pay my daughter or ex-wife anything.<\/p>\n

I blocked her as soon as I got home and never saw her again. She was attractive and it was a shame, but I wasn\u2019t born yesterday.<\/p>\n

Having said that, I am a bit of a meal ticket, since I do like to pay for dinner \u2013 if it gets that far.<\/p>\n

What else do women do to put men off? Go on about how awful their marriages were; how they didn\u2019t feel \u2018seen\u2019, whatever that means.<\/p>\n

I feel sorry for them because it\u2019s not great to be a woman in your 50s and have no partner, but do they really have to be so obtuse? I don\u2019t want to sit there hearing about their ex\u2019s flaws. They call their \u00adformer husbands repulsive without realising how they\u2019re repelling me.<\/p>\n

And, of course, none of them can take a joke. I\u2019d expect the younger generation to take issue with my sort of \u2018dad humour\u2019 \u2013 but women in their 40s and 50s?<\/p>\n

While texting one match, I said all feminists were sad because they\u2019re ending up doing literally everything \u2013 working, housework, childcare, and so on (this was something my ex-wife said to me before she left). I only meant the bit about feminists as a gentle jibe, but she blocked me as if I was advocating a return to the 1950s!<\/p>\n

I know this will sound as though midlife women can\u2019t win, but I also get the \u2018ick\u2019 when they\u2019ve had too much work done on their faces. I matched with one woman who looked great in photos, but in person\u2026 well, let\u2019s just say her face looked like she\u2019d been stuck in a wind tunnel.<\/p>\n

We kissed but I definitely didn\u2019t want to sleep with her. It was obvious her face wouldn\u2019t match her body.<\/p>\n

When I told her I thought she\u2019d look better if she was more natural looking, she said: \u2018Thank goodness men like you are going out of fashion.\u2019 But I was only being honest. I don\u2019t want to stroke the cheek of a woman who\u2019s had it pulled so tightly behind her ear, it looks as taut and translucent as a drum.<\/p>\n

That said, I\u2019m inclined to think I am going out of fashion. The dating world is overrun with older women who lie about their looks and want to hook up with you so you\u2019ll pay their mortgage.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s been a lonely few months as I\u2019ve started to realise that I need to date younger. I changed my profile last week so the oldest woman I\u2019ll date is now 45.<\/p>\n

Am I romantic? Sure. But I need the right conditions for romance, and filters, filler and financial probing do not put me in the mood!<\/p>\n

I\u2019m afraid that all you single women in your 50s might end up lonely, too.<\/p>\n

Harry Brown is a pseudonym. All names and identifying details have been changed.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"I zoom in on the photo. Surely this isn\u2019t the same woman? The frizzy hair. Bags under her…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":354704,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[8],"tags":[20968,557,156,4791,263,185114,111,139,69,2727],"class_list":["post-354703","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-entertainment","tag-charlize-theron","tag-dailymail","tag-entertainment","tag-instagram","tag-lifestyle","tag-lifestylelovesex","tag-new-zealand","tag-newzealand","tag-nz","tag-tinder"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/354703","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=354703"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/354703\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/354704"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=354703"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=354703"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=354703"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}