David and Alissa are fighting. Since their trip to Adelaide, Alissa has started inventing problems with her marriage. She\u2019s irritated by everything her husband does, from the way he breathes to the swish-swish-swish sound his pants make when he walks.<\/p>\n
\u201cI feel like I\u2019m at the end of my tether,\u201d she complains. \u201cHe has been snoring louder than usual! It\u2019s just an emotional rollercoaster.\u201d<\/p>\n
If the show\u2019s producers really were cruel, they\u2019d lock Alissa in a room and make her listen to David\u2019s unreleased rap demos on repeat.<\/p>\n
We\u2019d rather hear the snoring than the unreleased rap demos.<\/p>\n
Meanwhile, Bec\u2019s still trying to convince us that she and Danny are the show\u2019s power couple.<\/p>\n
\u201cWe\u2019re the best we\u2019ve ever been! He\u2019s going to move to Adelaide! Danny and I are the strongest in the experiment,\u201d she brags.<\/p>\n
Huh. Interesting. It didn\u2019t seem that way 24 hours ago when you two were swearing at each other on your suburban patio in Adelaide.<\/p>\n
Shall we ask Danny how he feels about this allegedly spectacular union?<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m drained. I felt uncomfortable in her house,\u201d he mutters.<\/p>\n
Yeah. Us too, doll.<\/p>\n
At the dinner table, the first topic of conversation is Sam and Chris, who, despite breaking up in a rural paddock surrounded by cattle just days ago, have returned. Why? To take passive-aggressive shots at each other while chewing on stale bread rolls.<\/p>\n
Surprisingly, Chris has managed to win over most of the group. The wives are firmly Team Chris. Probably because he has given them a family-and-friends discount code to his cosmetic injectables clinic.<\/p>\n
But Bec steps in to defend Sam.<\/p>\n
\u201cSam sat there in tears by himself … because the person he has these feelings for was quite aggressive to him …\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBabe, you\u2019ve been aggressive too at the dinner parties!\u201d Chris cuts her off.<\/p>\n
If he could move his face, he\u2019d scowl.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019re in no position to be giving someone feedback about their behaviour, honey,\u201d he snaps. \u201cSo pipe down.\u201d<\/p>\n
Chris is revoking your family-and-friends discount code.<\/p>\n
Chris suddenly starts regretting how nasty things have become.<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t want this to be yucky,\u201d he says.<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t want it to be yucky either,\u201d Sam agrees.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s not yucky! It\u2019s not yucky!\u201d Danny assures.<\/p>\n
STOP SAYING YUCKY.<\/p>\n
Next order of business? Danny and Bec\u2019s argument in Adelaide.<\/p>\n
Danny tells the group he\u2019s not sure if he can go ahead with Bec\u2019s fantasy of him moving into her house.<\/p>\n
\u201cIn the sense of moving forward … I don\u2019t know how I\u2019d wanna navigate …\u201d he stammers. \u201cIf I was to move to Adelaide, how the logistics of it would look, as a man. I feel like … it\u2019s more Bec\u2019s house \u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
He ums and ahs, trying to find the words.<\/p>\n
Bec glares at him. What\u2019s his problem?<\/p>\n
Eventually, he spits it out.<\/p>\n
\u201cBecause I feel like, if you move in with a woman … From my point of view, it makes you feel like a bit of a b**** moving in with a woman.\u201d<\/p>\n
There it is. The theory we\u2019ve all been waiting for. Men who live in women\u2019s houses? B****es. All of them. It\u2019s a slippery slope. One day, you\u2019re a man. The next, your missus is paying the bills while you\u2019re down at the salon getting a perm.<\/p>\n
The Government will be introducing new legislation requiring all real estate agents to add a new field to their listing forms: \u201cWarning \u2013 female owner. May cause emasculation.\u201d<\/p>\n
Danny, please show some respect to your landlord.<\/p>\n
Cue mass destruction.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat are you on about?!\u201d Bec shrieks.<\/p>\n