{"id":365952,"date":"2026-04-06T07:47:28","date_gmt":"2026-04-06T07:47:28","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/365952\/"},"modified":"2026-04-06T07:47:28","modified_gmt":"2026-04-06T07:47:28","slug":"colbert-on-trumps-iran-speech-old-news-delivered-by-a-narcotized-turtle-late-night-tv-roundup","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/365952\/","title":{"rendered":"Colbert on Trump\u2019s Iran speech: old news \u2018delivered by a narcotized turtle\u2019 | Late-night TV roundup"},"content":{"rendered":"

With most late-night hosts on holiday, Stephen Colbert<\/a> recapped Donald Trump<\/a>\u2019s prime-time national address<\/a> on the war in Iran<\/a> and his firing<\/a> of the US attorney general, Pam Bondi<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Stephen Colbert<\/p>\n

Stephen Colbert opened Thursday\u2019s Late Show with a celebration of the new US moon mission<\/a> \u2013 \u201cI\u2019ve got moon madness!\u201d he exclaimed \u2013 but after a bit on reported toilet trouble onboard Artemis II<\/a>, he turned to more pressing Earth-bound matters. \u201cSpeaking of human waste, just a few hours ago we learnt that President Trump fired Attorney General Pam Bondi,\u201d he told the audience at the Ed Sullivan Theater.<\/p>\n

\u201cNow listen, in tribute to Pam Bondi, I offer this heartfelt farewell \u2026 ,\u201d he added, pulling out a letter that began \u201cDear Pam\u201d, followed by paragraphs of blacked-out text and the sign off: \u201cSincerely, Stephen Colbert\u201d \u2013 a reference to the many, many redactions of the Epstein files that Bondi oversaw as attorney general.<\/p>\n

Bondi lost her job because Trump was reportedly upset over her handling of the said files, a dark cloud which still hangs over his administration. But \u201csaying that the villain of the Epstein files is Pam Bondi is like saying the lead in Die Hard is the dad from Family Matters\u201d, Colbert joked.<\/p>\n

As Trump wrote on Truth Social: \u201cPam Bondi is a Great American Patriot and a loyal friend, who faithfully served as my Attorney General over the past year. Pam did a tremendous job overseeing a massive crackdown in Crime across our Country, with Murders plummeting to their lowest level since 1900. We love Pam, and she will be transitioning to a much needed and important new job in the private sector, to be announced at a date in the near future.\u201d<\/p>\n

Colbert zeroed in on the \u201cprivate sector\u201d bit, and broke out his Trump impression: \u201cIt\u2019s a much-needed job at a very important farm upstate,\u201d he joked. \u201cThere\u2019ll be lots of room for her to run around. Unfortunately, we can\u2019t go visit her. Now let\u2019s go to the strip mall and get you a new attorney general, buddy.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOK, I\u2019ve put it off long enough,\u201d Colbert then said, before finally addressing Trump\u2019s Wednesday-night prime-time address about his military actions in Iran. \u201cIt was all the stuff you\u2019ve heard before but now delivered by a narcotized turtle,\u201d the host explained. \u201cThe speech was billed as a major update on the month-long war, but the only real information he offered was that other wars lasted longer.\u201d<\/p>\n

As Trump put it: \u201cIt\u2019s very important that we keep this conflict in perspective. American involvement in world war one lasted one year, seven months and five days.\u201d Trump then went on to list the run time of every US war since then.<\/p>\n

\u201cFrasier went on for 11 years,\u201d Colbert facetiously added. \u201cSuddenly Susan was only four years, two days and three box tops. Sex and the City was six years unless you count \u2026 And Just Like That, which personally I don\u2019t because my Miranda would never leave Steve.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"With most late-night hosts on holiday, Stephen Colbert recapped Donald Trump\u2019s prime-time national address on the war in…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":365953,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[8],"tags":[156,111,139,69],"class_list":{"0":"post-365952","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-entertainment","8":"tag-entertainment","9":"tag-new-zealand","10":"tag-newzealand","11":"tag-nz"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/365952","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=365952"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/365952\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/365953"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=365952"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=365952"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=365952"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}