{"id":371754,"date":"2026-04-09T20:01:09","date_gmt":"2026-04-09T20:01:09","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/371754\/"},"modified":"2026-04-09T20:01:09","modified_gmt":"2026-04-09T20:01:09","slug":"ask-ursula-my-friend-is-in-crisis-with-anxiety-and-depression-should-i-confront-his-wife-for-just-living-her-life","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/371754\/","title":{"rendered":"Ask Ursula: My friend is in crisis with anxiety and depression. Should I confront his wife for just living her life?"},"content":{"rendered":"

Hi, I\u2019m Ursula Reutin, co-host of \u201cThe Gee and Ursula Show<\/a>,\u201d and I\u2019m thrilled to introduce my new advice column, Ask Ursula, where I help people navigate family, friendships, work, and all the messy, beautiful moments in between.<\/p>\n

If you need any advice, reach out to me at askursula@bonneville.com or fill out this form here<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Worried friend in the 425<\/p>\n

Dear Ursula,<\/p>\n

I have a dear friend who\u2019s struggling with severe anxiety and depression. He\u2019s been on different medications for the past six months, but the improvement has been minimal.<\/p>\n

What makes this harder to watch is his home life. His wife seems to be carrying on as usual \u2014 working, going on hikes, and now even taking a three-week vacation. My friend says she\u2019s been working so hard and deserves to take the time off.<\/p>\n

Meanwhile, he is in crisis. He can\u2019t be left alone for fear he might harm himself. Friends have stepped in to make sure he\u2019s safe, but this level of care isn\u2019t something we can sustain long term. Right now, he\u2019s staying with a relative while his wife is away.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m struggling with a lot of anger toward her. It feels like he\u2019s crying out for help and she\u2019s not seeing \u2014 or not responding to \u2014 it. At the same time, I don\u2019t feel like it\u2019s my place to say anything.<\/p>\n

Is there a way to approach her about this? Or is this something I need to stay out of, even though it\u2019s deeply upsetting to watch?<\/p>\n

========================================================================<\/p>\n

Dear worried friend in the 425,<\/p>\n

It\u2019s painful to watch someone you care about struggle so much, especially when it feels like the people closest to them aren\u2019t responding the way YOU think they should. Your concern comes from a good place. But the situation may be more complicated than it looks from your vantage point.<\/p>\n

You describe the man as so unwell that he cannot safely be left alone. That calls for a higher level of care, whether that\u2019s intensive outpatient treatment or even short-term inpatient support. No matter how devoted you are, a rotating circle of friends isn\u2019t a sustainable or safe long-term solution.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s also important to consider his wife\u2019s position with some grace. Living alongside someone in constant crisis can be exhausting and frightening. People respond to that stress in different ways. The fact that her husband says she is tired and deserves a break suggests there may be more care and more history there than you realize.<\/p>\n

This may not be a case of someone failing to care; it may be a case of everyone trying and still coming up short against a situation that requires more support than any one person or group of friends can provide.<\/p>\n

If you really feel moved to speak up, you might say something like, \u201cI\u2019m really worried about him, and I\u2019m also worried that the current setup isn\u2019t sustainable for any of us. Have his providers talked about more intensive support, at least for now?\u201d<\/p>\n

This keeps the focus on getting him the level of care he needs, rather than judging how she is coping or whether she is seemingly living her best life.<\/p>\n

You can also gently encourage your friend, if you\u2019re close enough, to be honest with his treatment team about how constant his distress feels. Sometimes people minimize their symptoms, especially when they don\u2019t want to burden others. In situations like this, having that kind of clarity can be lifesaving.<\/p>\n

Most of all, remember that you are part of a circle of care, not its sole foundation. It\u2019s kind to help, but it\u2019s also wise to recognize limits. The goal isn\u2019t to find better ways for friends to hold this alone. It\u2019s to help connect him to the kind of support that can truly keep him safe.<\/p>\n

Sending you love,<\/p>\n

Ursula<\/p>\n

If you or someone you love is in crisis, don\u2019t wait \u2014 call or text 988 to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, available 24\/7 with real people ready to help.<\/p>\n

Listen to Gee and Ursula on\u00a0\u201cThe Gee and Ursula Show\u201d<\/a>\u00a0weekday mornings from 9 am to 12 pm on KIRO Newsradio.<\/p>\n

Follow @https:\/\/twitter.com\/UrsulaKIROFM<\/a><\/p>\n

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