{"id":371900,"date":"2026-04-09T21:42:09","date_gmt":"2026-04-09T21:42:09","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/371900\/"},"modified":"2026-04-09T21:42:09","modified_gmt":"2026-04-09T21:42:09","slug":"greg-dixons-another-kind-of-politics-artemis-ii-crew-say-trump-still-audible-on-far-side-of-moon","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/371900\/","title":{"rendered":"Greg Dixon\u2019s Another Kind of Politics: Artemis II crew say Trump \u201cstill audible on far side of moon\u201d"},"content":{"rendered":"

Photo \/ Getty Images. Illustration \/ Greg Dixon<\/p>\n

Greg Dixon\u2019s weekly satirical column Another Kind of Politics runs a sharp eye over local and international politics.<\/p>\n

Artemis II\u2019s astronauts were forced to block their ears while travelling from the Earth to the Moon and back, NASA has revealed.<\/p>\n

\n A spokesperson for the space agency said
\n one of the many mysteries the mission had hoped to answer this week was what space sounded like, particularly on the far side of the moon.\n <\/p>\n

\u201cIt turns out we may never know. All the crew could hear, including during the 40 minutes behind the moon, was President Donald Trump raving about \u2018crazy bastards\u2019, his new ballroom, whether it was steak and fries night, the curtains in the Oval Office and something about the end of civilisation.\u201d<\/p>\n

Trump\u2019s constant droning-on even kept the four astronauts awake during the first six days of the 10-day mission.<\/p>\n

\u201cThey rang us to tell us, \u2018Houston, we have a problem with sleeping \u2019cos of Trump\u2019. The trouble was no one here had thought to pack some disposable earplugs for them and we couldn\u2019t figure out what to do. Frankly, it was like Apollo 13 all over again.\u201d<\/p>\n

The spokesperson said the astronauts themselves had eventually found a solution. \u201cThey\u2019d taken this giant jar of Nutella with them for a giggle. It turns out it\u2019s not just delicious, but that if enough of it is spooned into your ears you can block out Trump as well.\u201d<\/p>\n

Nostradamus predicted Winston Peters holding balance of power for all eternity<\/p>\n

\"PhotoPhoto \/ Getty Images. Illustration \/ Greg Dixon<\/p>\n

Researchers believe the 16th century prognosticator Michel de Nostredame \u2013 commonly known as Nostradamus \u2013 foresaw NZ First leader Winston Peters holding New Zealand\u2019s major political parties to ransom until the end of time.<\/p>\n

A spokesperson for a team re-examining Nostradamus\u2019s prophesies said that this week\u2019s Taxpayers\u2019 Union-Curia poll showing NZ First support at a whopping 13.6% was a \u201cterrifying sign\u201d that Nostradamus\u2019s more than 400-year-old prediction that Peters would be New Zealand\u2019s political kingmaker for ever and ever was coming true.<\/p>\n

\u201cNostradamus was definitely on the money with the death of Henry II, the Great Fire of London and the rise of Hitler,\u201d the spokesperson said. \u201cSo who wouldn\u2019t be afraid he\u2019s got it right about Peters as well?\u201d<\/p>\n

There also appeared to be a reference to the same phenomenon in the Bible\u2019s Book of Revelation, the spokesperson said.<\/p>\n

The two Nostradamus quatrains re-examined by the team appear to confirm that Peters would be the key player in returning the National-led coalition to power after the 2026 election, and that the undying Peters would never leave government unless there was an Armageddon. <\/p>\n

Nostradamus\u2019s four-line stanzas that are thought to be about Peters read:<\/p>\n

\u201cWhen twice-ten and six of the century\u2019s turn is done,<\/p>\n

The elder of NZ First shall weigh crown against crown.<\/p>\n

\u2018Listen, sunshine,\u2019 says he, as the blue and red houses kneel,<\/p>\n

As the woke tide recedes once more, the old fox controls the wheel.<\/p>\n

From northern winds the undead fox returns once more,<\/p>\n

To guard the realm as in the days and years before.<\/p>\n

\u2018Listen, sunshine,\u2019 he says, \u2018none else can save this shore\u2019<\/p>\n

Thus ages turn, yet still he will be kingmaker evermore.\u201d<\/p>\n

Trump\u2019s ego sets his dementia new deadline after threatening to bomb it back to Stone Age<\/p>\n

US President Donald Trump\u2019s out-of-control ego has issued a series of crazed, expletive-laden threats on the Truth Social platform apparently threatening to bomb his growing-in-strength dementia if it does not give his ego what it wants.<\/p>\n

The first post from his ego read: \u201cTuesday is steak and fries night. There will be nothing like it!!! Open the F\u2014kin\u2019 Restaurant, you crazy bastards or you\u2019ll be living in Hell \u2014 JUST WATCH! Praise be to Onion Rings. President DONALD J TRUMP.\u201d<\/p>\n

A further post from his ego said: \u201cIf you don\u2019t surrender control of the restaurant by 8pm, I\u2019ll bomb you back into the stone age. Praise be to KETCHUP. President DONALD J ONION RINGS.\u201d<\/p>\n

Hours before the deadline expired, Trump\u2019s ego announced it would extend the deadline to his dementia for another fortnight following an intervention involving an \u00dcber Eats delivery. <\/p>\n

Inspirational leader reassures his nation in the face of huge cyclone and worst oil shock in history<\/p>\n

\"PhotoPhoto \/ Getty Images. Illustration \/ Greg DixonSave<\/a>Share this article<\/p>\n

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Copy LinkEmailFacebookTwitter\/XLinkedInReddit<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Photo \/ Getty Images. Illustration \/ Greg Dixon Greg Dixon\u2019s weekly satirical column Another Kind of Politics runs…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":371901,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[7],"tags":[9526,6282,194377,14900,91651,528,15209,65661,16099,8036,111,139,69,1118,90,1642,2847,135,5659,147,6102,6100,2179],"class_list":{"0":"post-371900","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-science","8":"tag-another","9":"tag-artemis","10":"tag-audible","11":"tag-crew","12":"tag-dixons","13":"tag-far","14":"tag-greg","15":"tag-ii","16":"tag-kind","17":"tag-moon","18":"tag-new-zealand","19":"tag-newzealand","20":"tag-nz","21":"tag-of","22":"tag-on","23":"tag-online","24":"tag-only","25":"tag-politics","26":"tag-say","27":"tag-science","28":"tag-side","29":"tag-still","30":"tag-trump"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/371900","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=371900"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/371900\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/371901"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=371900"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=371900"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=371900"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}