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\n Photo-Illustration: The Cut; Photos: Getty\n <\/p>\n
When I started writing my novel Cherry Baby three years ago, I kept having to explain what Ozempic was. First to my agent, then to my editor. Then to anyone who would listen to me talk about the book.<\/p>\n
Cherry Baby isn\u2019t about GLP-1s, but it\u2019s about fatness and bodies in a way that my other books aren\u2019t \u2014 and it\u2019s set in our present moment, so semaglutide sort of simmers beneath every scene.<\/p>\n
I\u2019m not sure how GLP-1s got on my radar early, but I\u2019d become almost obsessed with them. I brought them up with everyone. Half evangelist, half Cassandra: These drugs are going to change everything. Everyone is already on them, and everyone who isn\u2019t will be. There will be no rich fat people in five years \u2014 none!<\/p>\n
If I said all this to a thin person, they\u2019d usually respond in horror. (Maybe because thin people like living in a world where they are \u201cthin people.\u201d Or maybe because it really did sound like the plot of a science-fiction movie.) If I was talking to a fat person, they\u2019d say, \u201cWait, let me write this down.\u201d <\/p>\n
At least three of my friends walked away from conversations with me and immediately got\u00a0prescriptions. They look great now. And they feel good.<\/p>\n
Everyone looks great now. Have you noticed?<\/p>\n
My mom \u2014 who is fat, but not as fat as me \u2014 never wanted me to lose weight. She cried when I was in the sixth grade and I told her I was going on a diet. She waited half an hour, then brought me a turkey sandwich.
\u201cWe\u2019re just big people,\u201d she told me. \u201cI\u2019m big, your dad\u2019s big, you\u2019ll always be big. It doesn\u2019t matter. You\u2019re a wonderful person. God loves you and sees you. And boys will still like you.\u201d<\/p>\n
My mom and I have had rough years and bad times \u2014 but she said some version of this to me over and over. And it was the best gift she ever gave me. Because she was right.<\/p>\n
I am bigger than other people. I\u2019ve lost weight over the years. I\u2019ve worked out. I\u2019ve counted points and carbs. I\u2019ve followed the advice of Oprah Winfrey\u2019s trainer and chef. In my 20s, I lost so much weight that my face hollowed out at the temples. I was still a size 16. I was still fat.<\/p>\n
I understood then \u2014 I\u2019ve understood all along \u2014 that I didn\u2019t really have a choice in all this. The science was with my mom: Almost no one loses weight and keeps it off. Fat people don\u2019t turn into thin ones.<\/p>\n
My fight has always been to be less fat and more healthy. That\u2019s still a worthwhile struggle. I breathe better at size 18 than size 22. I move better. My heart has an easier time of it.<\/p>\n
My mom was also right (I swear I\u2019ve never used this phrase so much in one sitting) about boys. They liked me. You only really need one to like you, if he\u2019s a good one. I fell in love, I got married, I had kids. I got the jobs I wanted. I found clothes that sort of fit. I spent a lot of time and energy trying to lose weight, but I didn\u2019t spend a lot of time hating myself when I couldn\u2019t.<\/p>\n
In my novel, the main character, Cherry, is married to a famous cartoonist. They\u2019re making a movie out of his autobiographical comic strip \u2014 but they can\u2019t find anyone to play Cherry because there are no more fat actresses. \u201cHollywood only ever had three.\u201d<\/p>\n
That was a joke when I wrote it. It\u2019s not a joke anymore. It feels like all the famous fat people are gone. Along with all the fat doctors. And executives. There are only a few fat authors left. My fat friends are just my friends now. And even family gatherings look different these days. (Not so big. Not so hungry.) I find I\u2019m constantly trying to reacquaint myself with familiar faces.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s creepy,\u201d a thin person said to me recently. Thin people feel like they can confide in me about this, because I\u2019m still fat.<\/p>\n
I am still fat. <\/p>\n
This fact shocks me more than anyone. I\u2019ve known about these weight-loss drugs for years now, and I believe they work. My doctor is onboard. I can afford it.<\/p>\n
I could do it. I could lose weight. I could be thin. Even typing that makes my eyes water. Makes my hands shake a little. I could be thin.<\/p>\n
I could change myself from a fat person (gross, disgusting, loathed, incompatible with life and airplane seats and New York City restaurant tables) into a regular person (good, clean, moral, can wear designer clothes, never worries about pull-down bars on roller coasters).<\/p>\n
I could lower my blood sugar and my blood pressure and my cholesterol. I could probably live longer? And have more time with my kids? And grandkids someday?<\/p>\n
I could have a life where I don\u2019t think about being fat every time I move. Every time someone looks at me. Every time I put something in my mouth.<\/p>\n
My mother was wrong (now there\u2019s a familiar phrase) \u2014 I can change. I have a choice. I have a choice, and I\u2019m not making it. I am continually not making it.<\/p>\n
I write love stories. Not exactly romances, but sort of. My specialty is yearning. My characters tend to want something so badly it makes their stomachs hurt, and I\u2019m good at sustaining that stomachache-y feeling for 200 pages.<\/p>\n
That\u2019s what I write, because that\u2019s how I am. I want things. I long. I lust. I relentlessly pursue. I look forward.<\/p>\n
For example, every night I go to bed looking forward to breakfast \u2014 genuinely excited about breakfast. \u201cIf I go to sleep now, it\u2019ll be here immediately.\u201d After breakfast, I\u2019ll have an iced coffee. I love an iced coffee \u2014 nothing\u2019s better than an iced coffee. Then I get to have lunch. Love lunch. Then my family will come home, and we\u2019ll have dinner. Maybe we\u2019ll go out. Dinner\u2019s a party, I love dinner, and I get to have it every day. What a world, what a life.\u00a0I am excited to eat all day, every day. I love being hungry.<\/p>\n
I think I would have started a GLP-1 by now if I thought it would affect only my body. What I\u2019m worried about is my brain. It\u2019s the yearning I want to hold onto. The desire and delight.<\/p>\n
I feel compelled to say here that none of my friends or family have experienced anhedonia as a result of weight-loss drugs. I also feel compelled to say that before these drugs came along, I didn\u2019t know that the word anhedonia existed.<\/p>\n
I\u2019m worried that if I take the drugs, I\u2019ll change, and I won\u2019t even realize it. I\u2019m also worried that I\u2019ll take the drugs and change, and I will realize it, but I\u2019ll love being skinny so much that I won\u2019t care.<\/p>\n
I\u2019ve never been skinny before. It seems like people would do anything to stay that way.<\/p>\n
I might be on Wegovy by the time you read this. Or Mounjaro. Or Zepbound. I meant to say that earlier. This isn\u2019t some sort of grand stand I\u2019m making. Or a principled take.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s getting harder and harder to rationalize not being on these drugs. I keep bargaining with myself. I\u2019m eating more carefully than I have in years and exercising more intensely. And I\u2019m doing it because of the drugs. I\u2019m running from them.<\/p>\n
Would you be absolutely shocked to hear that I\u2019m working hard and have lost only a negligible amount of weight? (No one is telling me that I look great. No one is looking at my face and trying to reconcile the changes.)<\/p>\n
It\u2019s a real mindfuck to realize that I don\u2019t actually hate being fat that much. I thought I did. I thought it was the worst thing about being me. But now there\u2019s a magic pill, and I\u2019m not taking it. There\u2019s a magic button, and I haven\u2019t pushed it.<\/p>\n
What I want more than anything is to stay myself. In 2026, that seems like a less and less reasonable position.<\/p>\n
Related<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Photo-Illustration: The Cut; Photos: Getty When I started writing my novel Cherry Baby three years ago, I kept…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":377384,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[33],"tags":[27901,21326,103042,134,524,111,139,69,7014,4384,19672,5100],"class_list":{"0":"post-377383","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-medication","8":"tag-body-image","9":"tag-first-person","10":"tag-glp-1-medication","11":"tag-health","12":"tag-medication","13":"tag-new-zealand","14":"tag-newzealand","15":"tag-nz","16":"tag-ozempic","17":"tag-paywall-exclude","18":"tag-personal-essay","19":"tag-self"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/377383","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=377383"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/377383\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/377384"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=377383"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=377383"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=377383"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}