{"id":394100,"date":"2026-04-23T17:55:08","date_gmt":"2026-04-23T17:55:08","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/394100\/"},"modified":"2026-04-23T17:55:08","modified_gmt":"2026-04-23T17:55:08","slug":"seth-meyers-on-kash-patel-he-has-resting-run-for-your-lives-face-late-night-tv-roundup","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/394100\/","title":{"rendered":"Seth Meyers on Kash Patel: \u2018He has resting \u201crun for your lives\u201d face\u2019 | Late-night TV roundup"},"content":{"rendered":"

Late-night hosts dug into the allegations of FBI director Kash Patel\u2019s excessive drinking<\/a>, Donald Trump<\/a>\u2019s Iran<\/a> war struggles and some questionable math by RFK Jr<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Seth Meyers<\/p>\n

On Wednesday evening, Seth Meyers<\/a> relished more details from a shocking Atlantic report from this weekend detailing alleged excessive drinking and erratic behavior by the FBI director, Kash Patel. According to more than two dozen current and former FBI officials, Patel was known to drink to the point of obvious intoxication, and many people expected him to be fired for his unreachability and impulsivity.<\/p>\n

\u201cGenerally speaking, you don\u2019t want to hear that the country\u2019s top law enforcement official is known for having freak-outs, you know?\u201d the Late Night host said. \u201cWhen you\u2019re the head of the FBI, you\u2019re supposed to be calm and level-headed. No one wants to tune into a press conference about a potential threat to the homeland and hear a guy who looks like this\u201d \u2013 Meyers cut to a photo of Patel\u2019s intense, slightly cross-eyed stare \u2013 \u201cscream \u2018everyone run for your lives!\u2019<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd he always looks like that. He has resting \u2018run for your lives\u2019 face,\u201d he quipped.<\/p>\n

But the \u201cmost embarrassing\u201d detail amid a string of embarrassing details, according to Meyers, was that a few weeks ago, when Patel struggled to log on to an internal system, he panicked and began to frantically call aides to tell them he had been fired by the White House.<\/p>\n

\u201cSo he freaked out and told everyone he was fired, but it turned out it was just a technical glitch,\u201d Meyers laughed. \u201cIn fact, one FBI official said of Patel\u2019s freak-out, \u2018It was all ultimately bullshit.\u2019 And I, for one, think that would make a great title for the first history textbook about the Trump era.\u201d<\/p>\n

Patel has pushed back on the claims by suing the Atlantic for $250m and denying everything at a press conference, where he asked the audience how many people in the room believed the allegations were true.<\/p>\n

\u201cI do!\u201d Meyers answered enthusiastically. \u201cI do, I do, I do, I do, I do. I do! I mean, I don\u2019t know for sure if it\u2019s true, but I definitely believe it\u2019s possible. We saw you crushing beers in the locker room after the men\u2019s Olympic hockey team won gold. That definitely looks like a guy who might not remember his password the next day.<\/p>\n

\u201cI can definitely imagine you sitting down at your computer drunkenly crying because you can\u2019t log in,\u201d Meyers continued. \u201c\u2018Why won\u2019t the beach ball stop spinning?!\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n

Jimmy Kimmel<\/p>\n

In Los Angeles, Jimmy Kimmel<\/a> also mocked Patel for \u201cgetting hammered this week over a report that he gets hammered on the job.\u201d<\/p>\n

Patel denied all the claims \u201cnot just categorically but maniacally\u201d by suing the Atlantic for $250m. The magazine has vowed to \u201cvigorously\u201d defend its reporting, which \u201cmakes it sound like Patel was blacked-out more than the president\u2019s name in the Trump-Epstein files\u201d, Kimmel quipped.<\/p>\n

The host then turned to another embattled Trump official: the health and human services secretary, Robert F Kennedy Jr, who appeared at a congressional hearing on Wednesday, where Senator Elizabeth Warren \u201ccut him like a raccoon penis\u201d over Trump\u2019s nonsensical claims about lowering prescription drug prices.<\/p>\n

\u201cHe claims that TrumpRx has reduced prices by as much as 600%,\u201d Warren said. \u201cSix hundred per cent, which I think means companies should be paying you to take their drugs.\u201d<\/p>\n

Kennedy responded: \u201cPresident Trump has a different way of calculating \u2026 If you have a $600 drug and you reduce it to 10, that\u2019s a 600% reduction.\u201c<\/p>\n

Kimmel had choice words for Kennedy\u2019s rationalization: \u201cWho are you going to believe, [Trump] or math? Have you ever bankrupted a casino? I don\u2019t think so.<\/p>\n

\u201cThe actual math is 98%, not 600%, but let\u2019s not get caught up in semantics,\u201d he continued. \u201cLet\u2019s just be quiet and listen to Robert Kennedy breathe.\u201d<\/p>\n

The host then played another clip from the hearing, in which Kennedy\u2019s rattling breath could be heard throughout the room. \u201cYou understand, our secretary of health is dying before our eyes,\u201d Kimmel said. \u201cAnd no one is doing anything about it.\u201d<\/p>\n

Stephen Colbert<\/p>\n

And on The Late Show, Stephen Colbert<\/a> checked in on Iran after Trump\u2019s announcement on Tuesday indefinitely extending a ceasefire that had been set to expire within hours. \u201cYou know what? I\u2019m beginning to think this war might not be over by Memorial Day. Which reminds me \u2026 ,\u201d the host said, jokingly shipping a box of \u201cIran War Jokes\u201d to Jimmy Kimmel, who would still be airing after The Late Show\u2019s final taping next month.<\/p>\n

But back to Iran: soon after Trump\u2019s announcement, Iran seized two ships from the strait of Hormuz. The captured ships were the cargo vessels MSC-Francesca and the Epaminondas, \u201cwhich is actually how I pronounce empanadas after a night of drinking\u201d, Colbert joked. According to one Iranian official, \u201cTrump\u2019s ceasefire extension means nothing,\u201d because \u201cthe losing side cannot dictate terms.\u201d<\/p>\n

Said Colbert: \u201cHey buddy, we\u2019re America \u2013 we don\u2019t lose wars! We just leave them.\u201d<\/p>\n

Trump \u201cwas not happy about Iran giving him the Middle East finger\u201d, he continued, so late on Tuesday night, the president posted on Truth Social that \u201cthey only say they want it closed because I have it totally BLOCKADED (CLOSED!), so they merely want to \u2018save face.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSounds like someone just learned what the word \u2018blockaded\u2019 means,\u201d Colbert said.<\/p>\n

According to numerous reports, Trump wants out of his increasingly unpopular war. And in response to sinking poll numbers, he posted on Truth Social a New York Times report praising the ratings for The Apprentice \u2026 from April 2004. \u201cAlways a tipoff that life isn\u2019t going great for you when you start to brag about something from 22 years ago,\u201d said Colbert, imagining a similar scenario: \u201cYou kids think that Dad\u2019s a loser! Well I\u2019ll have you know that back in high school, I once won two free tickets to see the Spin Doctors in Anaheim at the Grove.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Late-night hosts dug into the allegations of FBI director Kash Patel\u2019s excessive drinking, Donald Trump\u2019s Iran war struggles…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":394101,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[29],"tags":[156,111,139,69,437],"class_list":["post-394100","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-tv","tag-entertainment","tag-new-zealand","tag-newzealand","tag-nz","tag-tv"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/394100","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=394100"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/394100\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/394101"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=394100"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=394100"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=394100"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}