With her husband and son sitting in the public gallery, and former National Party stalwarts Don Brash, Jenny Shipley and Harete Hipango also in attendance, Collins took her final bow. She told the House that since she first arrived in 2002, she\u2019d \u201cnever had the patience for the concept of doing my time or, worse still, knowing my place.\u201d<\/p>\n
Collins\u2019 political career is one of high highs and low lows. And she has something to show for it all: an abundance of resilience. \u201cWell, you don\u2019t get to be resilient unless you have to be, and I sometimes quip that adversity is just an opportunity to show character\u2026 So much adversity, so much character,\u201d she joked.<\/p>\n
She had prime minister Christopher Luxon giggling after asserting she was never one to \u201csuck up to hierarchy\u201d. And that laughter rippled throughout the House when she reflected on being \u201cbetter at living up to my father\u2019s expectations than my mother\u2019s\u201d. In famous last words, shared by pretty much every retiring politician, Collins said she was now \u201cover politics\u201d \u2013 only time will tell whether she can truly give up the ghost.<\/p>\n
Judith Collins taking her final bow.<\/p>\n
Certainly she looked to be an ongoing sucker for parliamentary punishment when she returned the next day. But she wasn\u2019t in the place you\u2019d usually find her: she was sitting in the public gallery, watching Wednesday\u2019s question time and her former colleagues from the view of the Gods.<\/p>\n
Luxon was busy in Auckland making a budget announcement<\/a>, so Act Party leader and deputy prime minister David Seymour held the reins. Seymour took questions from Labour leader Chris Hipkins, whose questions over whether the upcoming budget would see any cuts to the superannuation fund was overpowered by the lingering smell of something burning.<\/p>\n \u201cToasted!\u201d jeered finance minister Nicola Willis. \u201cYou\u2019re toasted!\u201d\u00a0 She was, of course, referring to events of the morning prior, when Stuff\u2019s political editor Jenna Lynch held a phone to his face and asked, \u201cdo you recognise this toaster?\u201d<\/a> Hipkins was forced to admit that a former Labour staffer was behind a social media account focused on trolling the government. The giveaway? A video on the account featuring a toaster located in the opposition wing of parliament, where Labour dwells.\u00a0<\/p>\n Later, resources minister Shane Jones took patsy questions from his NZ First colleague David Wilson. The matua of heckling got a taste of his own medicine after being thrown off by the voice of Te P\u0101ti M\u0101ori co-leader Debbie Ngarewa-Packer, who reminded him he was \u201cso insecure\u201d. \u201cJust because you lost in seabed mining [in Taranaki]<\/a>,\u201d she called. \u201cThat little iwi took you on and won.\u201d<\/p>\n Wilson cut over the top: \u201cwhy should we develop critical minerals in New Zealand?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIt could very well be that critical minerals are needed for hearing aids, and I rather fear that hearing aids are needed for the member from Western M\u0101ori sitting to my right,\u201d Jones quipped.<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019re obsessed with us!\u201d Ngarewa-Packer laughed. \u201cBecause you lost! You lost to little ol\u2019 Taranaki iwi.\u201d<\/p>\n She needed to stop \u201ctalking like a wounded hen,\u201d Jones told speaker Gerry Brownlee, \u201cand listen to the matua\u201d. The ever-helpful Winston Peters added his two cents, that Te P\u0101ti M\u0101ori party will be \u201cgoners\u201d come the November election. Jones responded by crying, \u201chaere r\u0101!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYep, haere r\u0101,\u201d Brownlee agreed. \u201cOff you go.\u201d And with that, Jones hobbled out of the House.<\/p>\n By Thursday, everyone was playing silly buggers. Peters opened the session with a very necessary point of order: \u201cCan I ask as to why there are so many flags flying outside of this parliament at this moment?\u201d He was referencing the rainbow flags flying high on the forecourt to mark the International Day Against Homophobia, Biphobia and Transphobia. Which may have genuinely puzzled poor old Peters \u2013 were there officials from a newly formed foreign nation who had yet to wine and dine him?\u00a0<\/p>\n Meanwhile, independent MP T\u0101kuta Ferris didn\u2019t even show up to the House to ask the question he was supposed to. Act Party MP Todd Stephenson picked up Ferris\u2019 slack, but Peters suggested the independent MP should get to ask his question anyway \u2013 despite there being no one to ask it.<\/p>\n You had to feel for poor Labour MP Phil Twyford. He is the party\u2019s immigration spokesperson, but it still felt like a bit of a stitch-up to make him question immigration minister Erica Stanford about \u201cusing immigration to dog-whistle\u201d.\u00a0<\/p>\n Had the questions come from someone else in the party, they may have been effective. But it was Twyford and when he spoke, the booming voice of Jones reminded him of his leading role in a decade-old controversy. \u201cChinese names!\u201d he cried. \u201cWhat about the phone book? What about the Chinese names in the phone book?\u201d<\/p>\nShane Jones doing his best \u2018get a load of this guy\u2019.<\/p>\n
Spare a thought for Phil Twyford today.<\/p>\n