{"id":486925,"date":"2026-06-20T11:04:21","date_gmt":"2026-06-20T11:04:21","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/486925\/"},"modified":"2026-06-20T11:04:21","modified_gmt":"2026-06-20T11:04:21","slug":"spider-noir-drinking-game-how-i-downed-12-shots-in-a-half-hour","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/486925\/","title":{"rendered":"Spider-Noir Drinking Game: How I Downed 12 Shots in a Half Hour"},"content":{"rendered":"

\n\tThe Academy of Television Arts & Sciences does not give out an Emmy for most profligate depiction of substance abuse, but if it did, there would be at least three strong contenders this year. Season three of HBO\u2019s Euphoria depicted Rue and Faye choking down Vaseline-coated balloons of fentanyl. Season two of Apple TV\u2019s Your Friends & Neighbors followed the \u201ceight-ball episode<\/a>\u201d from last year with shady billionaire Owen Ashe\u2019s (a wonderfully bipolar James Marsden) consumption of ketamine, MDMA and blow, as well as a whole lot of single-malt Scotch and other high-end liquors tossed back by the cast. (Hamm\u2019s character drinks higher-shelf stuff<\/a> than his Mad Men alter ego).<\/p>\n

\n\tAnd then there is Amazon Prime\u2019s Spider-Noir<\/a>.<\/p>\n

\n\tI\u2019m convinced the amount of whiskey consumed in each episode \u2014 which takes place in Depression and Prohibition-era New York, during the early 1930s \u2014 would be debilitating, if not toxic, to mere mortals.<\/p>\n

\n\tI realized this while bingeing the highly entertaining series over the last few weeks. By the time I finished episode six, I had an increasingly unpleasant, visceral reaction to the copious whiskey swilling of Ben Reilly, the alter-ego of superhero (stuporhero?) The Spider \u2014 played in both cases by Nicolas Cage \u2014and other characters in multiple scenes. Whiskey is quaffed in speakeasies, villain\u2019s lairs, homes, offices and even in a morning mug of coffee.<\/p>\n

\n\tTo be fair, the excessive drinking is integral to the storytelling. Reilly suffers from major PTSD, having witnessed horrific things in World War I \u2014\u00a0including an encounter that results in his transformation to The Spider \u2014\u00a0and the murder of his great love, Ruby. (Like the death of Gwen Stacy, the beloved of Marvel Comics\u2019 original Spider-Man, Peter Parker, Ruby\u2019s murder was tied to her relationship, and his attempt to save her failed.) \u00a0<\/p>\n

\n\tI\u2019m a former tabloid reporter who worked at a pre-digital <\/a>Page Six<\/a>, and drinking holes like the late, great Manhattan saloon Elaine\u2019s<\/a> played a key role in coaxing information and gossip from well-lubricated sources.\u00a0A few pops at social events I covered also helped steel my nerves when I had to ask celebrities potentially infuriating questions and to tolerate the publicity hounds and gadflies dying to get into the column.<\/p>\n

\n\tThat experience is why I marveled at the unbridled tippling taking place in Spider-Noir<\/a>, and the journalist in me wanted to determine the real-life effects of drinking like Ben Reilly and his cohort.<\/p>\n

\n\tI proposed to my editors that I find out. \u201cLet\u2019s do it!\u201d came the response. \u201cDon\u2019t charge us for the hangover.\u201d<\/p>\n

\n\tI purchased a bottle of Jameson whiskey and a drugstore breathalyzer. I cued up episode seven of Spider-Noir, \u201cNobody\u2019s Hero,\u201d and set out to drink every time a character did the same. I would take notes on my reactions as the show progressed. Because I do not have a death wish, I limited myself to a measured 1 oz. shot instead of the glasses depicted in the series that are filled with one or two fingers, neat, of what I hope was caramel-colored water on the set.<\/p>\n

\n\tInitially, I intended to take a breathalyzer test after every round, but the instructions on the packaging said 20 minutes must elapse after imbibing to get an accurate reading, and that no eating or smoking could take place either. That would have to wait.<\/p>\n

\n\tHere is what happened:<\/p>\n

\n\tOpening scene<\/p>\n

\n\tAt The Alcove, the ritzy speakeasy owned by Irish crime boss and bootlegger Silvermane \u2014 played to perfection by Brendan Gleason \u2014 the piano playing of the venue\u2019s alluring singer Cat Hardy (Li Jun Li) devolves into increasingly angry banging. She is guilt-ridden over revealing The Spider\u2019s identity because, in the previous episode, she and Reilly vowed to run away to Santorini, Greece.\u00a0Although she doesn\u2019t yet know this, he was kidnapped as a result and subjected to crude experiments to determine the source of his powers.\u00a0(I\u2019m being purposely vague to avoid major spoilers.) \u00a0<\/p>\n

\n\tCat downs two big swigs of vodka. Although my preferred cocktail is a vodka martini \u2014 vermouth in and out, three olives \u2014 I am not mixing spirits for this adventure. I take two shots of Jameson. And away we go.<\/p>\n

\n\tReaction: Smoooth. A curtain of whiskey warmth begins to blanket my body.<\/p>\n

\n\t2:07 into the Episode: Silvermane storms into his club. \u201cI need a drink,\u201d he barks. \u201cLo, the irony. A man controls the flow of alcohol for a city of 7 million souls, and yet my troat [his brogue leaves out the \u2018h\u2019] is as dry as a camel\u2019s hole in a sandstorm.\u201d Silvermane drinks. I take another shot.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\n\tReaction: Hoo boy, three shots in under three minutes. Pretty sure that\u2019s a personal speed record. I feel this one in my stomach \u2014 in a worrisome way.<\/p>\n

\n\t3:17: \u201cAnother round?\u201d Cat asks Silvermane,\u201d Does the king ride his sister?\u201d he replies.<\/p>\n

\n\t3:33 Cat pours. I take my fourth shot. This must be a personal speed record. \u201cWhat are you fighting for?\u201d she says. Silvermane: \u201cFighting is the point. It\u2019s what gives the whiskey its taste.\u201d He doesn\u2019t drink. I\u2019ve jumped the gun.<\/p>\n

\n\tReaction: \u201cHot pinball straight to the stomach,\u201d I write in my notes. A glass of water would help here, but nobody in Spider-Noir drinks their whiskey with water back. I am determined to do the same.<\/p>\n

\n\t9:06: An anxious Cat visits Reilly\u2019s private investigations office. It\u2019s daytime. Reilly\u2019s gal Friday, Janet (Karen Rodriguez), a dogged sleuth herself, is packing up the place because Reilly has told her about him and Cat leaving town. Cat explains that Reilly never showed for their rendezvous. \u201cIt\u2019s been days,\u201d says a now equally worried Janet. Janet\u2019s solution: \u201cYou want a drink? There\u2019s probably a bottle still floating around here somewhere.\u201d Cat turns her down, but Janet still fishes out a fifth of whiskey and splashes it into two water glasses. I gulp shots five and six. Cat takes a sip of hers, but the scene ends before Janet imbibes.\u00a0I\u2019ll call that one premature pop a buyback.<\/p>\n

\n\tReaction: My eyebrows are hot. Motor functions slowing. I misspell a few words while recording notes.<\/p>\n

\n\t10:57: Ben Reilly is at a windowless speakeasy at what looks like the South Street Seaport. Giant slow-turning fans embedded in the walls offer flickering glimpses of daylight. \u00a0He is drinking, what else, whiskey, and wallowing in the realization that Cat betrayed him. I take shot number seven. \u201cDo you know anything about spider muscles, Eamon,\u201d he asks the bartender (Michael Patrick McGill). Eamon, who looks like a young, beefier Rodney Dangerfield, says no. \u201cThat\u2019s because they don\u2019t have any,\u201d Reilly says. \u201cThey\u2019re on a hydraulic system. Shooting fluid to move their legs.\u201d Eamon rolls his eyes. \u201cKeep \u2018em coming,\u201d Reilly says. I throw back my eighth shot.<\/p>\n

\n\tReaction: I am beginning to feel like I, too, lack muscles. \u201cHead is hot,\u201d my notes says. \u201cBuzzing.\u201d \u00a0<\/p>\n

\n\t13:41: Six hooligans pile into the bar. They have fistfuls of cash. In a previous scene, two Silvermane-controlled supervillains \u2014 Flint Marko (Jack Huston) and Dirk Leyden (Andrew Lewis Caldwell), whom Spider-Man fans will recognize as Sandman and Megawatt \u2014 have robbed the mayor\u2019s back-office campaign coffers and handed out the money on the street as incentives to vote for his opponent (and Silvermane\u2019s new toady) in the upcoming election. One delinquent jostles Reilly. The group starts ripping on The Spider.<\/p>\n

\n\tHooligan 1: \u201cHave you seen him lately?\u201d<\/p>\n

\n\tHooligan 2: \u201cHe looks like my Mom after 10 loads of laundry.\u201d<\/p>\n

\n\tOff-camera Hooligan: \u201cI don\u2019t know what he\u2019s been up to for the past half a decade, but the years haven\u2019t been good to him.\u201d<\/p>\n

\n\tEven after eight shots, I have the wherewithal to think: couldn\u2019t that guy have just said, \u201cfor the past five years\u201d? Thugs aren\u2019t usually unnecessarily wordy.<\/p>\n

\n\tAn off-camera hooligan (I\u2019m no longer capable of discerning between voices) uses the phrase \u201cphoto op.\u201d Wha? \u201cNodding,\u201d read my notes. I pause the video and do an online search. According to the Oxford English Dictionary, \u201cphoto op\u201d was first used in 1981. After belching, I congratulate myself for noticing the anachronism in my altered state.<\/p>\n

\n\tI restart the video. Reilly signals for a refill. I take a shot. That\u2019s my ninth. Sweet Jesus, take the wheel.<\/p>\n

\n\tReaction: \u201cFoggy,\u201d the notes say. Indeed. When I rerun the episode to check the time codes, I see that I missed two of the skells slugging their own whiskeys.<\/p>\n

\n\tMy preoccupation with my increasing inebriation is broken by a tour-de-force Nic Cage moment. \u201cMaybe, maybe, maybe, The Spider is a guy like anyone else,\u201d he says to the toughs. \u201cYou ever think about that? You ever wonder what his problems were?\u00a0He\u2019s swinging around burning buildings saving people\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\n\tCut to the hooligans. They are rapt.<\/p>\n

\n\tCage goes full German Expressionist. His face twists. His eyes are wild. \u201cDo you ever think he feels the heat? Or gets sad?\u201d He pounds the bar. Restraint dissolves. \u201cOr tired?!\u201d He pounds the bar again. \u201cOr lonely?!\u201d \u00a0<\/p>\n

\n\tCut again to the hooligans. They burst out laughing. \u00a0<\/p>\n

\n\tDisgusted, Reilly staggers out of the bar and into the daylight. I get up from my chair to gauge my balance. I\u2019m not quite there but on my way. \u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n

\n\tRosemary Clooney begins singing \u201cSway\u201d<\/a> on the soundtrack. Nice touch.<\/p>\n

\n\tOutside the bar, Reilly finds his Spider headgear in his overcoat pocket. A more primitive version of Peter Parker\u2019s, it looks like a knitted black face mask with opaque white eyepieces that light up when useful. He also wears a fedora but doesn\u2019t have it. He dons the mask and staggers back into the gloom of the bar. \u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n

\n\t\u201cHey, you\u2019re The Spider!\u201d says one of the hooligans.<\/p>\n

\n\tMuch web-slinging and ass-kicking ensues. \u201cWeb! Web! Web! Web! Web!\u201d a maniacal Reilly says machine-gun style, leaving the delinquents cocooned and in various states of consciousness. Eamon puts a glass on the bar (in my notes, I wrote, \u201cputs a bar on the glass\u201d) and reaches for a bottle.<\/p>\n

\n\t17:27: Cage puts his own chewy spin on vaudevillian of that era Jimmy \u201cThe Great Schnozzola\u201d Durante\u2019s catchphrase, \u201cHa-cha-cha-cha!\u201d and lifts his mask enough to reveal his mouth. When Peter Parker did this, it was usually to kiss<\/a> Gwen Stacy or, later, Mary Jane Watson. Reilly\u2019s love comes in a bottle. \u201cThat one\u2019s on the house, pal,\u201d Eamon says as he pours another round. \u201cTo the victor go the spoils,\u201d says Reilly.\u00a0I skull my tenth shot.<\/p>\n

\n\tReaction: This is no longer fun. Cotton-headed and numb, I shuffle over to a mirror. My eyes have narrowed; my face looks like I have full-blown rosacea.<\/p>\n

\n\t17:44: Daily Bugle reporter and Spider ally Robbie Robertson (Lamorne Morris), whose vibrant super fly outfits make a strong argument for watching the series in \u201ctrue-hue\u201d color instead of black and white \u2014 the viewer can switch back and forth \u2014 enters the bar and surveys the chaos. \u201cAh shit,\u201d he says. \u201cWhat the hell are you doing? Janet\u2019s got me looking all over the city for you.\u201d \u00a0<\/p>\n

\n\t\u201cI\u2019m drinking. What\u2019s it look like?\u201d replies Reilly.<\/p>\n

\n\tAn existential discussion about the price of being a superhero takes place on a park bench overlooking the East River, then Robertson drags Reilly back to his office.<\/p>\n

\n\t\u201cWait, are you yellow?\u201d Janet says upon seeing her boss.<\/p>\n

\n\t\u201cWhat do you mean, yellow? Like a coward?\u201d Reilly replies.<\/p>\n

\n\t\u201cNo, like a banana,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n

\n\tI snort. In the previous episode, the scientist looking for the source of The Spider\u2019s superpowers discovers it in a biopsy she takes of his liver. His liver! Go, writer\u2019s room! What would a biopsy of my liver reveal right now?<\/p>\n

\n\tWhile Reilly recounts the events that led to his current state, he inadvertently reveals that he is The Spider. He slaps his forehead. \u201cOopsie-poopsie,\u201d he says to Janet. \u201cI shouldn\u2019t have told you that.\u201d<\/p>\n

\n\t\u201cYou already did tell me that,\u201d Janet replies.<\/p>\n

\n\t22:34: Cue three flashbacks. In the first and best, Janet walks in on Reilly in his skivvies. Garters hold up his socks. He is wearing his Spider goggles and the fedora that\u2019s also part of his costume, but not his face mask. Bing Crosby is singing, \u201cNice Work If You Can Get It.\u201d<\/p>\n

\n\t\u201cAy, hijo de tu madre!\u201d Janet exclaims.<\/p>\n

\n\t\u201cI\u2019m The Spider, Janet,\u201d a plastered Reilly slurs as he waves a bottle of whiskey. \u201cI Spider.\u201d\u00a0 I pause the video and laugh hard. I toast Cage with shot number eleven.<\/p>\n

\n\tReaction: This one really burns. I\u2019m feeling queasy. \u201cSloshing,\u201d my notes say. That would be the 11 ounces of whiskey in my stomach.<\/p>\n

\n\tThe second flashback does not involve drinking. In the third, der Bingle is still on the soundtrack, and Janet walks in on Reilly hanging from ceiling using his Velcro-like spider grip. In his free hand, he\u2019s holding a bottle of hooch and drunkenly singing into it, \u201cI\u2019m your Spider. Be my Spider. To be real.\u201d \u00a0I recognize that last lyric but brain\u2026 not\u2026 working. I look it up later, based on the note, \u201c\u201970s song\u201d and determine that it\u2019s Cheryl Lynn\u2019s 1978 hit, \u201cGot to Be Real.\u201d Reilly doesn\u2019t actually drink from the bottle, but I still take my 12th shot. I don\u2019t note why.<\/p>\n

\n\tReaction: Covfefe. Is my hearing is dimming? Was that a grunt?\u00a0<\/p>\n

\n\t23:29 Janet pours Ben a cup of\u2026 tea? Making tea in my condition could be disastrous, so I gratefully down a glass of water. \u00a0<\/p>\n

\n\t25:46: Cat and Flint Marko are at her apartment. Though she agreed to run away with Reilly, Marko is her true love, but he is irrevocably transforming into the Sandman. He knows he can\u2019t stay with her. He\u2019s also pissed that she planned to run off with Reilly. \u201cThere\u2019s no coming back from this,\u201d he tells Cat. \u201cThis life, it\u2019s got no taste now. It\u2019s got no feel.\u201d There\u2019s no drinking in this scene, but it nicely sums up how I\u2019m feeling. \u00a0<\/p>\n

\n\t28:38 Silvermane\u2019s super goons are passing out bottles of stolen Canadian whiskey to local law enforcement officers, and once again telling them to vote for the mayor\u2019s opponent. No one\u2019s drinking though. In fact, no one drinks for 13 or so minutes left in the episode. A big battle ensues \u2014 I won\u2019t give away the conclusion \u2014 and once the end credits roll, I wait another 10 and give the breathalyzer a blow. I get a 0.09 percent reading, but I forget to take a video for proof. I wait another 10 minutes and repeat the steps, this time while recording the procedure with a video. This time I get a 0.08 percent. <\/p>\n

\n\tReaction: Based on how unsteady I feel and the volume of whiskey I\u2019ve consumed in less than a half hour, I\u2019m surprised the number is not higher. While blood alcohol content of 0.08 percent is the floor for a DUI charge in New York and California, it\u2019s much lower than the past breathalyzer results for celebrity DUI recipients Mel Gibson, Lindsay Lohan and Haley Joel Osment, which were 0.12 percent or higher. Then again, I didn\u2019t match the volume the characters sluiced down their pieholes.<\/p>\n

\n\tI want to assume the fetal position but flash back to another alcohol-drenched bit of entertainment, 1987\u2019s Barfly, written by Charles Bukowski \u2014 essentially, based on his life \u2014\u00a0and starring Mickey Rourke. I realize that I need fuel<\/a>. Using my McDonald\u2019s app, I order a Big Mac meal and six chicken nuggets. When the bag arrives, there\u2019s also a McCrispy chicken sandwich inside. I eat that too. Tank full.<\/p>\n

\n\tReaction: What did I learn from this escapade? I not Spider, Janet.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"The Academy of Television Arts & Sciences does not give out an Emmy for most profligate depiction of…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":486926,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[27],"tags":[156,409,111,139,69,109693],"class_list":["post-486925","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-movies","tag-entertainment","tag-movies","tag-new-zealand","tag-newzealand","tag-nz","tag-spider-noir"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/486925","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=486925"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/486925\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/486926"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=486925"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=486925"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=486925"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}