For some reason, people who are otherwise quite capable of speaking clear, coherent English in everyday life suddenly find the need to spew complete gibberish and double-speak on the sidelines.<\/p>\n
With that in mind, we\u2019ve broken down a collection of platitudinous garden-variety rugby phrases. The following is our guide to both things not to say at a First XV rugby match \u2013 along with a list of things you can totally get away with saying.<\/p>\n
And finally, following that is a handy translation guide to understanding what supporters really mean when they are trotting out the trite, glib clich\u00e9s you hear every week \u2013 plus some well-overdue plain-speaking definitions of rugby jargon.<\/p>\n
Things not to say at a First XV rugby match<\/p>\n
It\u2019s a bad time to concede: Usually aired when the opposition has scored just before halftime, or immediately replied to after your own team has scored. But to better understand the trite, empty meaninglessness of this phrase, try to make a canonical list of the good times to concede. Thought so.<\/p>\n
Unlucky: Usually uttered after a team have completely butchered a stone-cold certain try, missed a penalty from right in front or been pinged for glaringly camping 20m offside. \u201cUnlucky\u201d is code for \u201cyou are untalented but at least you tried\u201d. Normally, it excuses incorrect judgment, poor technique or just plain lack of ability. Next time you hear someone shout \u201cunlucky\u201d, try substituting the word \u201cincompetent\u201d. You\u2019ll be surprised how much more sense the game makes if you do this.<\/p>\n
We\u2019re taking it one game at a time: Typically expostulated by supporters or staff when the team are doing better than expected. These days, it is commonly accepted as a fundamental tenet of cross-code sporting wisdom, well beyond rugby. Funnily enough, you never hear anybody say: \u201cLet\u2019s focus on two games at a time.\u201d And yet there are a lot of weeks in the school calendar where there would appear to be a strong case for doing exactly that and exploring an extended, broader strategic approach with personnel, tactics, logistics, etc, taking into account more than just one match.<\/p>\n
The No 3 looks a bit fat: Okay, yes, it is always curious to see a 130kg schoolboy, but just don\u2019t.<\/p>\n
The lads gave it 110% today: This is complete nonsense insofar as it is a mathematical impossibility. You can\u2019t give more than 100%. That\u2019s what \u201cper cent\u201d means.<\/p>\n
For a big lad, he\u2019s good with ball in hand: There is a curious default expectation that anyone over 180cm will have dysfunctional motor neurons and be totally crap with co-ordination and mobility. It takes so much longer for the messages to get from the brain to the hands and legs, perhaps? So we are naturally astonished when he can not only pass the ball, but also catch and run. Far less common is the inverse observation: \u201cFor a little guy, he\u2019s bad with ball in hand.\u201d<\/p>\n
Easiest try he\u2019ll ever score: How would you know?<\/p>\n
Big, big scrum: Unless you\u2019re aboard the Augusta Army bandwagon, this sounds as gormless as it is. Needs to be discouraged.<\/p>\n
You have to take your chances at this level: An enduring rugby mantra, its status heartily reinforced by the fact it never seems to matter what the actual level is. At any level, you have to take your chances. Because if you don\u2019t, two things are equally as certain in Cliche World. \u201cYou can\u2019t have any complaints\u201d and \u201cYou will be punished\u201d.<\/p>\n
Things you can safely say at a First XV match<\/p>\n
The ref is really letting the game flow: To be uttered when the ref has completely lost control of the breakdown and is seeing very little, but it favours your team.<\/p>\n
It could have gone either way with that scrum penalty: Wise words when you have no idea about what has happened. And neither has the ref.<\/p>\n
We need better discipline: Nobody is really sure exactly what this means but it is impossible to disagree with.<\/p>\n
The game will be won and lost at the breakdown: It\u2019s something someone who understands rugby might say and it never hurts to pretend you know what you are talking about.<\/p>\n
Supporters on the sidelines at Sacred Heart College. <\/p>\n
Chasers!: It\u2019s completely meaningless, but somehow quite appropriate every time there is an equally meaningless kick ahead.<\/p>\n
Good shift: Praise for a prop who leaves the field early in the second half. You have no idea what he\u2019s done, but do know he\u2019s not fit enough to play the whole game.<\/p>\n
Use the wind: Even if you don\u2019t know what direction it\u2019s blowing, it sounds knowledgeable.<\/p>\n
Now this is where it gets interesting: It is not in the slightest bit interesting, but is something that makes you sound relevant when a scrum has been called.<\/p>\n
Heaaave: A guttural cry made during a rolling maul. It really does make it go faster.<\/p>\n
Just make sure to keep it up: Wise advice whenever there is a maul. And it doesn\u2019t matter who you support with this one. Everybody wants mauls to stay up.<\/p>\n
What A … : Try, tackle, player, kick, shambles, anything that needs a little more emphasis is a \u201cWhat A.\u201d TV commentators also do this a lot.<\/p>\n
They committed too many there: You can shake your head at every ruck and mutter this loudly.<\/p>\n
That\u2019s very flat: Say this whenever a pass from your team clearly went forward.<\/p>\n
Numbers: It\u2019s just something to shout when you haven\u2019t got a clue what you are talking about but it makes you sound deep. At a scrum: \u201cNumbers\u201d. At a lineout: \u201cNumbers\u201d. At a penalty kick: \u201cNumbers\u201d. Works every time. As a variation, occasionally claim: \u201cThey\u2019ve got numbers on the blindside.\u201d<\/p>\n
He had a good\/bad platform: It can be either an excuse or caveat for any action from the halfback or first five.<\/p>\n
They went back to basics: A good chat line when your team are dreadful to watch but have been able to string a few wins together.<\/p>\n
Line speed: Just randomly exclaim this. Nobody can ever disagree.<\/p>\n
Should have passed: This fits on so many occasions. And if he did pass, just add \u201csooner\u201d. As a contrary alternative, if he did pass early, say \u201cshould have taken the tackle\u201d.<\/p>\n
King’s College supporters on the sidelines at a First XV rugby game. <\/p>\n
Should have taken the three points: No matter the situation, if a team go for touch from a penalty, always say this.<\/p>\n
Good hands: Whenever a team manage to string together more than two passes.<\/p>\n
Finally, always question the timing of substitutions. No matter what. Even if a player is being taken off on a stretcher.<\/p>\n
What they say \u2013 and what they really mean<\/p>\n
You can\u2019t afford to take this team for granted: It\u2019s going to be a totally lopsided contest and you probably CAN afford to take them for granted, ahead of more important games to come.<\/p>\n
He wants to make sure the scrum\u2019s stable before putting the ball into it: He wants a penalty.<\/p>\n
The defence is up very quickly: They were miles offside.<\/p>\n
He\u2019s an ideal utility back: He\u2019ll never ever get off the bench, no matter how hard he tries.<\/p>\n
What a Cinderella story: Nobody really rates them or respects them. They are a loser school, but they\u2019ve somehow strung a few wins together. It won\u2019t last, but good luck to them \u2013 their fans haven\u2019t had much to cheer about.<\/p>\n
They\u2019re in a rebuilding phase: They\u2019re crap. Good teams don\u2019t need to rebuild.<\/p>\n
Earn the right to go wide: An ambitious team with useless forwards who panic-pass.<\/p>\n
The 10 is taking the ball with a lot of depth: The first five is so scared of being tackled, he is almost off the field.<\/p>\n
Our tall timber always carries it forward: This boy simply can\u2019t pass and everyone knows it.<\/p>\n
Win the collisions: A polite way of saying f*** \u2019em up.<\/p>\n
The scoreboard doesn\u2019t tell the real story: The losing team made a decent effort, but they were so rubbish, they botched the easiest of chances and made the usual howlers in defence.<\/p>\n
On his day he\u2019s one of the best in the country: He has the odd flash of brilliance but is too lazy to be more consistent.<\/p>\n
We have total trust in our coach: One more loss and he\u2019s gone.<\/p>\n
He needs to work on his fitness: He\u2019s lazy.<\/p>\n
Sleeping giants: A school side that have been rubbish for 30 years. Sleeping dwarves, more like it.<\/p>\n
The winning team will be the one that make the fewest mistakes: The winning team will be the one that score the most points.<\/p>\n
Deconstructing other rugby jargon<\/p>\n
Claret: It\u2019s an unwritten rule that you must always refer to spilled blood on the pitch as claret, a term historically used to describe the red wines of Bordeaux, made from the merlot and cabernet sauvignon grape varieties. Even though this is a blend that has seldom been seen in our wine shops for the past four decades. Taking a cheap claret to a progressive dinner party in the 1970s was a solid choice, perfect with cheese fondue or steak Diane. But not so much these days.<\/p>\n
DNA: Every good team have an inherent identity. The \u201cProfessor\u201d, Sir Wayne Smith, taught us this when the Black Ferns won the Rugby World Cup in 2022. Even if you don\u2019t know what that identity is, when your team do something good, say \u201cthat\u2019s our DNA\u201d or if they do something bad, \u201cwe haven\u2019t found our DNA\u201d.<\/p>\n
Carry-clean: Not a Kiwi mispronunciation of a famous underwear brand, but rather a strong run needs to be followed by a strong clear-out (clean) of an attempted \u201cjackler\u201d at the ruck.<\/p>\n
Both sides of the ball: Refers to a player who is strong carrying the ball and defending without it. But geometrically, the phrase is redundant. A standard modern rugby ball has four sides, commonly referred to as panels. These elliptical panels are stitched together to form the ball\u2019s distinctive oval shape.<\/p>\n
Core roles: Specific duties performed by forwards, like throwing the ball straight to the lineout. NB: this phrase is never used for backs.<\/p>\n
Exit: A kick from inside your own 22 but never any other part of the field.<\/p>\n
D: Defence minus six letters.<\/p>\n
Second-man play: Some sort of attack that involves decoys, even when females are playing.<\/p>\n
Double-pump: A pass with a stutter or a dummy. Not to be confused with the act of expressing milk from both breasts simultaneously using a double electric pump.<\/p>\n
Round the corner: Forwards smashing it up with just one pass from each ruck. Typically boring to watch but a telltale acknowledgement the backs are hopeless.<\/p>\n
We\u2019ve got a few work-ons: The team and the coach did everything wrong.<\/p>\n
Learnings: It has replaced the word \u201clessons\u201d in sports circles. Or has it? In medieval and Jacobean times, it was perfectly acceptable to use \u201clearnings\u201d to refer to \u201cthings learnt\u201d. Even Shakespeare used it several times in this way. But by 2013 Forbes magazine included \u201clearnings\u201d in a survey of \u201cthe most annoying, pretentious and useless business jargon\u201d. Before the All Blacks played France, captain Ardie Savea suggested the All Blacks had to fast-track learnings. Did he ever use that phrase when head boy at Rongotai College?<\/p>\n
Meat pie: A try in Cockney rhyming slang. And a reminder, vegetarians don\u2019t score tries. It\u2019s a wonder we don\u2019t also have \u201csausage rolls\u201d for \u201cgoals\u201d.<\/p>\n
Post-contact metres: Ground gained after a tackle. Frequent use of this jargon will get you a job as a RugbyPass columnist.<\/p>\n
Micro-skill: A small skill like a short pass with defenders close by. Ask Justin Marshall for more details.<\/p>\n
Leadership group and game-drivers: A fallback phrase for when a coach and team have no idea who\u2019s a decent captain.<\/p>\n
Contestables: A fancy way of justifying stupid box kicks.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"For some reason, people who are otherwise quite capable of speaking clear, coherent English in everyday life suddenly…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":523774,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[9],"tags":[9980,95,1975,4995,795,198,2068,1888,1333,33488,24560,111,139,69,6327,2687,213,6923,102,27982,197],"class_list":["post-523773","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-sports","tag-adam","tag-and","tag-at","tag-away","tag-bruce","tag-can","tag-cant","tag-first","tag-get","tag-holloway","tag-julian","tag-new-zealand","tag-newzealand","tag-nz","tag-rugby","tag-saying","tag-sports","tag-what","tag-with","tag-xv","tag-you"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/523773","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=523773"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/523773\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/523774"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=523773"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=523773"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=523773"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}