\u201cBut I think the more we talk about it, the more people are accepting that this is a choice that\u2019s to be respected \u2026 It\u2019s showing people you can choose to not have children and have a joyful and fulfilled life.\u201d<\/p>\n
Danni has recently launched The Other\u2019s Club, an online group for paid subscribers who don\u2019t have kids – whether by choice or circumstance. For $10 a month, users around the world get access to events, Q&As and forums. Conversations between users range from how to cope with people\u2019s reactions to being childfree, to musings by women still deciding if they want to be a mum and those who have lost or are unable to have children, all the way through to threads about films, food and pets. <\/p>\n
\u201cThere\u2019s even a space to share your achievements. Because a lot of the time, people who don\u2019t have kids don\u2019t really feel seen,\u201d Danni says.<\/p>\n
She describes the community as \u201ca place to connect, be understood and make new friends\u201d.<\/p>\n
Parents are not banned, but Danni believes by making it a paid platform, they are less likely to try and join the conversation, which has happened on her Facebook and Instagram accounts. <\/p>\n
\u201cSo I really wanted it to be a place that was quite safe, that people felt was very intentional. I think when something is paid for, people are a lot more intentional about if they want to be there or not,\u201d she says. <\/p>\n
And while many parents who have engaged with her content have been supportive, she says others have tried to invalidate her decisions not to have children – or attempt to change her mind.<\/p>\n
\u201cI see people sharing stuff on social media as a way to connect with other people like them, and immediately parents will come into the conversation and misconstrue and misunderstand it: \u2018you\u2019re going to miss out\u2019 or \u2018I can do that too\u2019.<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd as much as my content is for people that don\u2019t want to have kids or can\u2019t have kids, it\u2019s also for the people around them to see that you can have a fulfilling, happy life without them.\u201d<\/p>\n
Data collected from the 2023 Census showed the number of people whose assigned sex at birth was female who had never had children rose from 15% in 2013 to 17% in 2023. And in 2025, the national fertility rate was 1.57 births per woman according to Stats NZ. The rate has been below the replacement rate of 2.1 since 2013.<\/p>\n
Danni Duncan wants to show people that life can be fun and fulfilling with or without children. <\/p>\n
Danni, who lives in Christchurch, likes kids. A lot. She is the oldest in a family of four, adores her nieces and nephews, and worked with children as a speech therapist before becoming a content creator. But after two years of \u201csitting on the fence\u201d, she and husband Alex realised life without kids was the life best suited to them, their goals, finances and relationship. <\/p>\n
There was a sense of relief when she eventually made the decision to stay childfree. <\/p>\n
\u201cI think that relief told me everything I needed to know,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n
\u201cDon\u2019t get me wrong, there are still moments where little darts have come back into my mind. Like, did I make the right decision? But they\u2019re just moments. And I just remind myself it\u2019s totally okay to miss out.<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd it kind of clicked with me, just this morning, that wanting to have kids is not the same as wanting to have those moments.\u201d<\/p>\n
She knows she\u2019s not following the traditional path society has historically laid out for women, but that\u2019s where her platform comes in: by putting herself out, she wants to help change the conversation – and expectation – around having children, and hopefully, making others feel less alone in the process. <\/p>\n
But when is a woman\u2019s decision ever really hers alone? Danni says her stance has come with backlash. Whether it\u2019s the men who have suggested she will die at the hands (claws) of her cats, or the women who like to tell her she will simply die alone, the feedback has, at times, been \u201ca big shake-up\u201d to her mental health. Since we spoke, she has taken some time away from social media to help work through that. But she is slowly learning to manage the way it impacts her.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt is just the typical hate that you get on social media, which, unfortunately, I\u2019m getting used to. And to be fair, that stuff is like water off a duck\u2019s back. It\u2019s when people misunderstand me and I know I\u2019m being perceived as a bad person. I really struggle with that.\u201d<\/p>\n
Finding those people who do understand her was another reason for building The Others\u2019 Club. Making friends as an adult is tough, and without the commonality of antenatal classes or your child\u2019s schooling, it can feel impossible. But like lots of things in life, it\u2019s about balance. <\/p>\n
\u201cI love my friends. I love my friend\u2019s kids. I don\u2019t want to not hang out with them, but a lot of the time it is really boring. Because you\u2019re not in that world and there\u2019s only so many times you can talk about sleep routines … It doesn\u2019t mean you don\u2019t want to be there for that. It\u2019s just you want more from [some of your] your friendships, which I think is completely respectable,\u201d Danni says.<\/p>\n
\u201cBut the point isn\u2019t to compare our lives and say one is better. The point is just to have a choice and for people to accept that.\u201d<\/p>\n