This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Nicholas Charriere, the 36-year-old cofounder of Mocha, an AI app builder. He lives in the Bay Area. It’s been edited for length and clarity.<\/p>\n
I grew up in France. I studied math and physics. Then I discovered Hacker News<\/a>, and I started learning all about entrepreneurship. I decided: I want to be in technology, and I want to be a founder.<\/p>\n I moved to San Francisco after my studies with that goal. It took six years to sort out visa issues. After that, I didn’t really have a cofounder, and I got a great offer from Cruise<\/a>, so I took that. I spent four years there.<\/p>\n Then, when I was 29, I joined another startup where the founder had an amazing pitch.<\/p>\n I waited really long to start my own company, and that’s a big source of regret. By the time I went into Y Combinator at 33, my daughter had been born. I deeply wish I had done it before.<\/p>\n I didn’t tell my YC batchmates about my daughter<\/p>\n I always knew I wanted to have a family. I grew up in a family of four kids with a very happy childhood. I married my wife 10 years ago. She was my one and only match on Hinge<\/a>.<\/p>\n I had to have a big conversation with my wife about starting my own company. The baby was very young, and it made everything a lot harder. I had to secure funding quickly.<\/p>\n One advantage as an older founder<\/a> was that I had a pedigree. Getting into YC and raising money was easier than when you’re 20 and have no r\u00e9sum\u00e9. I felt very old in YC, though. And being a dad was a whole other type of feeling old. I was in a different stage of life.<\/p>\n At some point, you go on a retreat with all the other founders. Everybody’s really young, and there’s a generation gap where they behave differently. My cofounder and I were like: “Want to grab beers, guys?” They were like: “We don’t drink<\/a>.”<\/p>\n Want more Business Insider in your news feed?<\/p>\n \n Add BI in Google so our reporting is easier to find when you\u2019re searching for what matters.\n <\/p>\n That weekend, I told a few people about my daughter because I had a feeling they had kids. I learned some did, and that they were also being hush-hush about it. We had a group chat where we sent each other pictures of the babies. We’re still friends, and it was a strong bonding moment. It was also very hard for them.<\/p>\n I’ve been reading Hacker News, the tech forum owned by YC, for many years, and they don’t talk about being dads. I thought: “I’m surrounded by founders, and founders don’t talk about this.”<\/p>\n In YC, everyone’s trying to up-intense each other<\/a>. Like, “I didn’t sleep for three days.” Or, “We’re flying to New York to just talk to a customer.” Saying “I just had a kid and I love spending time with them” is not the vibe. It wouldn’t fit.<\/p>\n People are really nice to each other in YC, but you’re all competing. You’re competing for the fundraise. You’re competing to be the best YC startup.<\/p>\n I remember debating for a long time whether to tell my YC partner, Diana Hu<\/a>. They choose you, they bet on you, and if you do well, they make money. So, I obviously didn’t go up to her the first night we met and say: “I’m expecting a kid.” For weeks, I debated: Should I say it?<\/p>\n I remember bringing it up because of founder salaries<\/a>. You’re not sure what to pay yourself when you’re in YC. It was a bit awkward, because I was supporting my wife and had a kid. It’s not greed, but there’s a minimum here to not be in the deep red.<\/p>\n I brought it up with Diana and told her about my daughter. She was like: “You should absolutely pay yourself what you need to live, because if not, you will give up more readily, and building a company is all about not giving up.” It was great advice.<\/p>\n When you do bring it up, the reactions are actually fine. Most of the fear of bringing it up was in my own head. I didn’t want people to think I’m not as intense or hardcore as the founder who just\u00a0talked about 996<\/a>.<\/p>\n The age question still nags at me<\/p>\n The biggest lesson I’ve learned is that having kids and doing this startup means everything else is gone. There’s no TV. There are no video games. I walked my dog, which is a blessing, because it meant I moved my body around. Sleep was tough<\/a>.<\/p>\n You can observe that Silicon Valley is ageist by looking at the ages of the people around you. At companies in the startup scene, there are fewer older people.<\/p>\n It’s unspoken but very true: If you optimize your hiring to have some experience but young enough that they don’t have families yet, which is the 26-32 age bracket, you get the best value.<\/p>\n There are no role models when you’re a parent. You don’t meet a lot of people like: “This is me, but 20 years ahead.” I never found that in Silicon Valley.<\/p>\n