A shockingly good result for a budget brand. Redemption for another. A peanut butter that looks almost exactly like a turd. This ranking has it all.<\/p>\n
On the face of it, changing peanut butter is like drawing a moustache on the Mona Lisa. Grinding nuts into an oily paste produces the perfect spread. There\u2019s really no need to make any alterations. Despite that, several of our most respected food producers have decided to do so, adding chocolate, caramel, chilli, seeds and even fruits to their peanut butter products.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n
Why? A cynic would say \u201cfor money\u201d. A romantic would say \u201cfor love\u201d. A Spinoff food assessor would eschew both options and turn to science, determining the worth of each novelty spread by giving it a mark out of 10 based on criteria including mouthfeel, aftertaste and moreishness.<\/p>\n
This week, 10 of our in-house judges took that course. They tasted 10 of the nation\u2019s experimental peanut butter augmentations slash abominations depending on your point of view, and arrived at a decisive verdict on the best and worst of the bunch. As usual, they did so by tasting the spreads in two ways: on a piece of plain white bread and as a standalone spoonful.<\/p>\n
There are some controversial omissions. This ranking has essentially one rule: no other nuts. Though it covers some wacky flavours, it\u2019s fundamentally an assessment of peanuts, not almonds, cashews or, God forbid, pecans. Unfortunately that excluded some critically acclaimed spreads, including all of Forty Thieves\u2019 \u201cmixed nut\u201d butters and Fix & Fogg\u2019s Everything Butter.\u00a0<\/p>\n
There are also some controversial admissions. After not appearing in either our crunchy or smooth peanut butter rankings, Pic\u2019s much-requested Smoochy brand finds its place here. As a relatively standard spread, it\u2019s an uncomfortable fit. But Smoochy is still an innovation. It\u2019s a peanut butter inside another peanut butter. By the same token, Bega\u2019s whipped peanut butter is included. Though it doesn\u2019t add any other flavours, it makes up for it with an unsettling texture.<\/p>\n
That\u2019s the admin out of the way. Now go out there and have fun. Or don\u2019t, if you\u2019re tasting\u2026<\/p>\n
10) Pic\u2019s Peanut & Chocolate Butter<\/p>\n
4.9\/10<\/p>\n
$8.90 for 290g from Woolworths ($3.07 per 100g)<\/p>\n
First of all, it looks like a turd. That would be more tolerable if it didn\u2019t have a similar gastronomic appeal to one. Pic\u2019s Peanut & Chocolate was oddly flavourless for a spread with such a confronting visage. Judges universally panned its lack of ambition. \u201cTastes like a failure,\u201d said Liam R\u0101tana. \u201cWeirdly less than the sum of its parts\u2026 a mystery of food science,\u201d said Calum Henderson. \u201cTastes like off milk chocolate,\u201d said Eli Rivera. \u201cSorry that\u2019s mean.\u201d Isaiah Tour clearly didn\u2019t share her qualms. \u201cLooks like shit, tastes like nothing. Why bother?\u201d he wrote.<\/p>\n
That, sir, is a poo. (Image: The Spinoff)<\/p>\n
The overarching view was that if Pic\u2019s was going to put chocolate into peanut butter, it needed to commit, stop the sophistication and cater properly to our stunted baby palates. \u201cThis is chocolate spread for grown-ups who pay bills,\u201d said Emma Gleason. \u201cMaybe I\u2019m a child.\u201d<\/p>\n
No. (Image: The Spinoff)
\n9) Pic\u2019s Seed & Nut Mix<\/p>\n
5.65\/10\u00a0<\/p>\n
$10.30 for 490g from Woolworths ($2.10 per 100g)<\/p>\n
This list is a panoply of odd flavours and textures yet somehow the humble seed was the most divisive of them all. Emma gave Pic\u2019s Seed & Nut the full 10. \u201cTexture, depth of flavour, complexity, taste are all exceptional,\u201d she wrote. \u201cSo many seeds!!\u201d Henry Oliver gave it a nine, rating it the \u201cbest of the bunch\u201d. Alice Neville had high praise for a \u201cseedy, salty motherfucker\u201d. Calum, long haunted by spy seeds, loved how unapologetic the spread was with its grains and kernels. \u201cNow here\u2019s a peanut butter that\u2019s not trying to keep its seeds a secret,\u201d he enthused.<\/p>\n
But they were still a minority, and the seed haters were brutal. \u201cDid someone drop trail mix in this? Why do this?\u201d inquired Liam. \u201cLike someone chucked bird seed into my peanut butter,\u201d wrote Isaiah. \u201cSeeds, a bunch of seeds man,\u201d wrote Tina Tiller. \u201cLeaves seeds in my teeth.\u201d<\/p>\n
Love it or hate it, there is nothing in between. (Image: The Spinoff)
\n8) Fix & Fogg Banana Caramel Peanut Butter<\/p>\n
5.7\/10<\/p>\n
$8.90 for 275g from Woolworths ($3.24 per 100g)<\/p>\n
Fix & Fogg was so busy seeing if it could fuse banana caramel and peanut butter together, it didn\u2019t stop to ask whether it should. There\u2019s no doubt it has executed its off-the-wall vision. It\u2019s just the result is at best tolerable and at worst horrible. \u201cYuck. Like candy,\u201d wrote Henry. Veronica Schmidt was particularly aggrieved. \u201cGood lord,\u201d she wrote in her 1\/10 review. \u201cI can\u2019t abide this.\u201d<\/p>\n
Fix & Fogg after inventing banana caramel peanut butter.<\/p>\n
The hatred wasn\u2019t universal, with some pushing past the spread\u2019s alarming first impression to appreciate its artistry, but even fans loved more with their heads than their hearts.<\/p>\n
They did it, but at what cost. (Image: The Spinoff)
\n7) Fix & Fogg Smoke & Fire Peanut Butter<\/p>\n
6.3\/10<\/p>\n
$7.49 for 275g from New World ($2.72 per 100g)<\/p>\n