{"id":620310,"date":"2026-10-04T12:18:14","date_gmt":"2026-10-04T12:18:14","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/620310\/"},"modified":"2026-10-04T12:18:14","modified_gmt":"2026-10-04T12:18:14","slug":"why-i-chose-to-be-honest-with-my-young-sons-about-my-depression","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/620310\/","title":{"rendered":"Why I chose to be honest with my young sons about my depression"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Independent<\/p>\n

Want to bookmark your favourite articles and stories to read or reference later? Start your Independent Membership today.<\/p>\n

Join today<\/a><\/p>\n

\n Already a member?
\n Log in<\/a>\n <\/p>\n

Your support helps us to tell the story<\/p>\n

From reproductive rights to climate change to Big Tech, The Independent is on the ground when the story is developing. Whether it’s investigating the financials of Elon Musk’s pro-Trump PAC or producing our latest documentary, ‘The A Word’, which shines a light on the American women fighting for reproductive rights, we know how important it is to parse out the facts from the messaging.<\/p>\n

At such a critical moment in US history, we need reporters on the ground. Your donation allows us to keep sending journalists to speak to both sides of the story.<\/p>\n

The Independent is trusted by Americans across the entire political spectrum. And unlike many other quality news outlets, we choose not to lock Americans out of our reporting and analysis with paywalls. We believe quality journalism should be available to everyone, paid for by those who can afford it.<\/p>\n

Your support makes all the difference.Read more<\/p>\n

Nobody explains postnatal depression to you fully<\/a> before you become a mother. So, when I went to baby groups after having my first son, George, in 2015, aged 27, I didn\u2019t understand how some mums looked so perfect while I was drowning<\/a>; how their kids weren\u2019t snotty and prams were immaculate, while I struggled to leave the house<\/a>. <\/p>\n

The truth was, they could have been suffering too \u2013 they were just better at hiding it. I tried to conceal that I was struggling, but it didn\u2019t work. Some days, I was so overwhelmed that I couldn\u2019t function<\/a> but felt guilty when my family helped out. <\/p>\n

All in all, I felt like I was failing as a mother. I\u2019d been determined to breastfeed but, when my midwife came round, there was no milk at all. A friend had to go and fetch me all the bottle and milk supplies because I hadn\u2019t prepared to bottle-feed. <\/p>\n

\"\u2018I\u2018I was overwhelmed\u2019: Sophie Harris with her two sons George and William (Supplied)<\/p>\n

George lost weight. I felt incompetent. When we left the hospital, doctors said we\u2019d be fine \u2013 but we weren\u2019t. <\/p>\n

I started having all of these irrational thoughts and fears, like mopping the floor three times a day, in case someone came round and saw the house wasn\u2019t clean and took George away from me. I felt like I was going mad and didn\u2019t recognise myself anymore. I\u2019d entirely lost my sense of self. <\/p>\n

I spoke to doctors, my GPs, and joined Facebook groups about postnatal depression<\/a> \u2013 but couldn\u2019t get any proper help when I needed it. <\/p>\n

My mental health symptoms accompanied physical ones. During pregnancy, doctors discovered I had a protein S deficiency and lupus anticoagulant, which made me susceptible to blood clots that required surgery. <\/p>\n

Later, I developed vasculitis and blood vessels would burst in my legs<\/a>, making it hard to walk. Soon, staying at home felt safer than venturing out. <\/p>\n

About a year after my second son, William, was born in 2018, George started asking questions. He was only three and a half, but he was so inquisitive. Mostly, he wanted to know why we didn\u2019t go out as much as other people; I didn\u2019t really even take William to the baby groups. When Covid<\/a> hit in 2020, he just wanted to go to the park. <\/p>\n

So, George could tell that I was sad and, after a while, he thought it was his fault. I never, ever, wanted my children to feel responsible for my sadness, so I knew I had to give them an explanation. <\/p>\n

\"Sophie:Sophie: \u2018They want to help. They want to be there. They’ve learned that it\u2019s okay to do hard things. You don\u2019t have to be strong all the time\u2019 (Supplied)<\/p>\n

To help them understand, we read the picture book The Huge Bag of Worries by Virginia Ironside. In it, the main character has all of these worries that are so big that she can\u2019t pull the bag along anymore; she has to speak about them, take them out bit by bit, to unpack all that sadness. So, we\u2019ve had grown-up conversations in childlike ways. <\/p>\n

When George asked what postnatal depression<\/a> meant, I explained it at his level: \u201cHaving a baby is hard, adults can struggle, and sometimes you can love your child enormously while still feeling you aren\u2019t good enough.\u201d My message to them became: sometimes you\u2019re so busy trying to be a good mum that you forget who you are.<\/p>\n

It might be that they say, \u201cMummy, why are you so sad?\u201d and I might say that it\u2019s because I couldn\u2019t do what I needed to do that day. Then, they\u2019ll say, \u201cOK, well, maybe we can do it together\u201d. <\/p>\n

They want to help. They want to be there. They\u2019ve learned that it\u2019s okay to do hard things. You don\u2019t have to be strong all the time; you can be vulnerable and still achieve your goals. It\u2019s just about communication; it\u2019s better to talk about it than hold it in \u2013 and I know that they love me unconditionally. <\/p>\n

I know that a lot of people might say that I\u2019ve added to George and William\u2019s worries, but I don\u2019t agree. They\u2019re still naughty. They still get up to mischief and act like kids \u2013 but if I\u2019m sad, they\u2019re there for a cuddle, just like I\u2019m there for them. <\/p>\n

George once said: \u201cMummy, you tell us not to be scared, so you shouldn\u2019t be either.\u201d From that conversation, I began doing things even though I was scared. He gave me courage.<\/p>\n

Ultimately, our family just tries to be really open about our emotions. We talk; we do little activities on self-worth and anger when they\u2019ve been wound up about school or whatever else. <\/p>\n

\"\u2018We\u2018We try to be really open\u2019: Harris and her husband Dan have both experienced depression during parenthood (Supplied)<\/p>\n

It makes me proud that they recognise when somebody\u2019s sad, which they\u2019re both so good at now, especially at school, among their friends \u2013 and teachers have noticed that. <\/p>\n

I\u2019ll never regret talking to my boys, now eight and 10, about what I went through. They\u2019ve now seen me actively want something for myself \u2013 to build a business, write a book to help other mothers \u2013 and move forward. <\/p>\n

I know myself now. I\u2019ve become happier and they\u2019ve celebrated the change within me. They\u2019ve seen me grow, seen me struggle, and still get through challenges for them and with them. My children are my legacy, but they aren\u2019t responsible for fixing me or making me happy. <\/p>\n

I want them to see that loving your family and having an identity of your own aren\u2019t opposites. I\u2019m humbled by them \u2013 and I hope they grow up knowing that they can always be themselves and build the life that they want. I hope that I\u2019ve shown them that. <\/p>\n

Sophie Harris<\/a> is a clarity coach and the author of \u2018Remember Her? A guide for mums in business to reconnect with themselves\u2019<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Want to bookmark your favourite articles and stories to read or reference later? Start your Independent Membership today.…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":620311,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[35],"tags":[134,554,555,111,139,69],"class_list":["post-620310","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-mental-health","tag-health","tag-mental-health","tag-mentalhealth","tag-new-zealand","tag-newzealand","tag-nz"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/620310","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=620310"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/620310\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/620311"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=620310"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=620310"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/nz\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=620310"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}