Brooke Howard-Smith, 54, SUGRco chief executive<\/p>\n
We\u2019ve been married for 17 years and together for 22 years. There\u2019s an 11-year age gap. There\u2019s probably a 10-year maturity gap between her and me … she\u2019s a solid, stoic lady. <\/p>\n
I believe we\u2019re better after 22 years than we\u2019ve ever been. <\/p>\n
I met her on her 21st birthday when we were working at The Edge. <\/p>\n
At the time, she was Miss New Zealand. She was gorgeous and very funny. <\/p>\n
I had some cheesy series of lines to get her to a party. By the next morning, I was absolutely enamoured. <\/p>\n
I\u2019d had other serious girlfriends. But nothing compared to the way we connect.<\/p>\n
I think early in our relationship, I raised my voice. I might have said something like \u201cShut up\u201d to Amber a few days into our relationship when we were getting into a bit of an argument. And she said, \u201cListen, there are plenty of things that you can do, but if you ever speak to me like that again, I\u2019ll leave.\u201d<\/p>\n
I\u2019m certainly not perfect, but I think that\u2019s one area that we\u2019ve been really good with: the way we talk to each other. <\/p>\n
For a period, I had [Auckland nightclub] Pony Club, which was a disaster. You\u2019re partying every night … I think Amber should write a book on how we navigated that period. <\/p>\n
Amber [has this] ability to coach me into liking myself, not loving myself … she\u2019s really fixated on this idea of people liking themselves, being comfortable with themselves, not needing that approval. <\/p>\n
If you\u2019re seeking exterior attention, it\u2019s a hole you\u2019ll never fill.<\/p>\n
“I think that\u2019s one area that we\u2019ve been really good with: the way we talk to each other.” <\/p>\n
I was going to host [a tour group at] the Rugby World Cup in France in 2007, and I had this ornate plan where I worked with MTV to pretend that Amber had won a competition to fly to Australia.<\/p>\n
But when she got to the airport, the plane was actually going to France, and I was going to propose in Paris. <\/p>\n
We got knocked out in the quarter-finals of the World Cup. It\u2019s basically the worst game of rugby the All Blacks have ever played. <\/p>\n
I was terrified, and I called Amber\u2019s father. I said, \u201cGreg, listen, I know the game didn\u2019t go so well, but Amber\u2019s on a plane to Paris, she doesn\u2019t know why she\u2019s coming here yet, I\u2019m going to surprise her. I\u2019d like to ask for her hand in marriage.\u201d <\/p>\n
He said, \u201cNo, f*** off\u201d, and hung up. It took a couple of phone calls to get him to relax.<\/p>\n
You could be the toughest person or the most prepared athlete \u2013 as \u201cDan Carter\u201d as you can be about it \u2013 proposing is the most terrifying thing you\u2019ll ever do.<\/p>\n
I got down on one knee in the Tuileries Gardens in Paris and asked her to marry me. <\/p>\n
We tried for kids for a long time. There was a period where that was difficult. Anyone who\u2019s been through it knows exactly how hard that is. <\/p>\n
This is a conversation from 10 to 15 years ago that is so different now. One of the first things people would say to us anywhere is, \u201cWhen are you going to have kids?\u201d <\/p>\n
Now I\u2019ve found this lovely, large set of people who are approaching it in their own way. <\/p>\n
Anyone who has Amber in their life will understand. She is the most stabilising, calming and clever force that you can run into. <\/p>\n
I\u2019m obsessed with her in a really healthy \u2013 I hope \u2013 way.<\/p>\n
“On paper, I wouldn\u2019t have thought that I\u2019d be going out with someone 11 years my senior,” Peebles says. <\/p>\n
Amber Peebles, 43, presenter and host<\/p>\n
I remember trying to get his attention … flicking my hair around.<\/p>\n
As soon as we started talking, there was an energy there. Like an undercurrent of a feeling that I already knew. He was very different to anyone that I\u2019d ever met. <\/p>\n
I\u2019m not sure if [the age gap] ever would have been a barrier because we just clicked instantly. On paper, I wouldn\u2019t have thought that I\u2019d be going out with someone 11 years my senior.<\/p>\n
The Pony [Club days were] a bit wild.<\/p>\n
He\u2019d have [long] nights, but he\u2019d also be doing water shots when other people were having [alcoholic] shots.<\/p>\n
I guess that\u2019s part and parcel of having a bar. You\u2019ve got to show up; he\u2019s got a big personality anyway, so he can carry that. But I wasn\u2019t down there … I wasn\u2019t a big partier.<\/p>\n
[The social pages] would make it look like you\u2019re out, but I was just young and networking [for work].<\/p>\n
Towards the end of Pony … Brooke was trying to balance night life and day life. We were so young, and he was still figuring out who he is in his heart and his head. I don\u2019t remember [if the lifestyle affected trust], but that doesn\u2019t mean it wasn\u2019t there. I don\u2019t hold on to those kinds of things.<\/p>\n
We\u2019ve had our ups and downs, for sure. But I\u2019m grateful we went through our lows relatively early in our relationship. It set us up for the fundamentals of communication for our future. <\/p>\n
They still have a ball together.<\/p>\n
Brooke\u2019s great at self-improvement and growing. Self-love gets talked about a lot, but not so much \u201cself-like\u201d. [It\u2019s] when you go easy on yourself. Everyone makes mistakes, and it doesn\u2019t need to be defining. <\/p>\n
Because if you\u2019re beating yourself up, then you\u2019re going to be a real dick to everyone else. <\/p>\n
And if you don\u2019t have good comms [as a couple], you\u2019re f***ed. <\/p>\n
Having some adversity and some sh** … learning about ourselves, what it is that we want and fighting for it, has set us up for who we are now, which is such a harmonious couple. <\/p>\n
We almost never fight. We can disagree, obviously, but we\u2019re not a scrappy couple.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s nice to be a team. It feels like someone\u2019s got your back. We love hanging out.<\/p>\n
We have a ball together. We still go on dates. If there\u2019s a sunset to see, we\u2019ll go out and have a wine, or a quick coffee in the sunshine. He works from home a fair amount, so we do a drive-by and a quick cuddle. Just that personal touch.<\/p>\n
Brooke cooks dinner almost every night these days, which is great. I call it my cooking show because I just sit there and watch him … cook up a feast. Because he\u2019s an active relaxer, it\u2019s his way of keeping his brain busy but doing something peaceful.<\/p>\n
I\u2019ll check in on him and be like, \u201cIs there anything that I can do for you that makes your day easier?\u201d<\/p>\n
I\u2019m big on \u201cyou do you and I\u2019ll be me\u201d, because it\u2019s important to have your own tree growing.<\/p>\n
Brooke\u2019s very a million-miles-an-hour [type of person] and I\u2019m definitely not … I wouldn\u2019t want to marry myself.<\/p>\n
He\u2019s very kind. Very empathetic. There are lots of things I love about Brooke, but that\u2019s my favourite thing.<\/p>\n