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\n The wives attempt to repair their fracturing relationships, which includes litigating dog farts and revealing the identity of \u201cSoup Man.\u201d
\n Photo: Bravo\n <\/p>\n
Something Bronwyn has going for her on this show is that even if you\u2019re iffy on her as a Housewife, her personal life is so riddled with villains that you can\u2019t help but sympathize with her on that front. Anytime we get a scene of her personal life, I have to prepare myself to see someone who\u2019s supposed to love and care for her (whether it\u2019s her bobbed-up mother or elderly husband) treat her like garbage, and it\u2019s distressing.<\/p>\n
Todd hobbles into each frame like a joyless ghoul, hating the cameras and hating his wife for bringing them into his world. So imagine how jarring it was to see that aforementioned black hole of emotion utter the words \u201craspberry cookie swirl\u201d while ordering at an ice-cream shop. It was like seeing Wednesday Addams at an amusement park. But that wasn\u2019t even the craziest thing to happen as he and Bronwyn got their sundaes.<\/p>\n
Bronwyn arrives at the table with hers, explaining to Todd how excited she is for her maraschino cherry and how angry she gets whenever he swipes it from her before she can have it. Not 30 seconds later, something haunting happens. Todd helps himself to the cherry off Bronwyn\u2019s sundae, looking her dead in the eyes as he eats it without a glimmer of humor in his eyes \u2014 just daring her to stop him. I\u2019m not even being hyperbolic when I say I would divorce someone for this.<\/p>\n
She goes on to tell him about all the drama from the garden party, and his eyes completely glaze over. So then she tries telling him about her experience with the psychic, and still he won\u2019t give her an inch, so finally she starts to cry. Do you know how horrible you have to be to make someone cry while they\u2019re eating an ice-cream sundae? He simply refuses to care about his wife or what she has to say, much like Bronwyn\u2019s mother refuses to care about her daughter or what she has to say. Somebody free Bronwyn from this hell!<\/p>\n
Maybe Lisa will have better luck sharing her psychic experience with John, even though he was the subject of the reading. She tells him that what Terrence told her about their communication struggles \u201creally resignated,\u201d though she meant resonated. But then something really crazy happens. In the midst of this dramatic, emotional scene about their faltering relationship, we cut to a confessional of Lisa in which she\u2019s wearing a cowboy hat without explanation or reason. I was almost too distracted to hear her talk about how their marriage has been plagued by the blurred lines between their business and relationship. Ultimately, they agree that they\u2019re not on the same page, but each of them feels like the other doesn\u2019t listen.<\/p>\n
Speaking of relationships that need healing, Mary arrives at Angie\u2019s house after catching a stray at the garden party. There\u2019s a reason that everybody treats Mary with kid gloves, because airing whatever grievance you have with her just isn\u2019t worth the unpredictable, nuclear blow-up that results. Angie forgot that she\u2019s supposed to just let Mary be Mary, so now she has to grovel to get back in her good graces. It\u2019s like she\u2019s been called to the principal\u2019s office, and from the moment Principal Mary enters and disparages the drink choice offered, we can tell she\u2019s still furious.<\/p>\n
Angie wisely kicks this sit-down off with an apology, but when she accuses Lisa of being like a playground bully, Mary points out that Angie has been becoming one, too. She\u2019s been so blinded by her rage at Lisa that she\u2019s stooping low and isn\u2019t the cool, calm Angie that Mary is used to. \u201cYou\u2019re a little bit mean,\u201d Mary tells her, \u201clike when you made fun of my fart.\u201d We then flashback to a week earlier, when Mary mentioned that she had gas, and then get a supercut of Angie continuing to bring it up. This has clearly been bothering Mary all week, and now she finally has an opportunity to confront Angie about it, and it quite simply is one of the funniest things I have ever seen. Ultimately, the exchange (or perhaps monologue is the better word?) simply had to be transcribed, so we could really sit with these words. Feel free to use the below for any and all auditions.<\/p>\n
MARY: First of all, the dog farted. And then you said, \u201cOh, maybe that\u2019s Mary.\u201d You said, \u201cCome on, Bronwyn, we\u2019d better sit over here because Mary\u2019s got gas.\u201d Then your dog farts and smells the whole house up. And then you blamed it, like it was my fart. I\u2019m like, first of all, I eat healthy; my farts don\u2019t come out like that. We should know the fart between my fart and a dog fart. And then you\u2019re like, \u201cOh my God, Mary, is that you?\u201d And you\u2019re both like,\u00a0\u201chehehe.\u201d I\u2019m like, enough! I got it. Next time, I won\u2019t tell you when I fart. Seriously? Like if you farted and I smelt it? I would never make fun of you. You don\u2019t even know if I smelled your fart before; maybe I have. But I would never talk about it and make fun. But you didn\u2019t smell my fart.<\/p>\n
ANGIE: I didn\u2019t smell your fart, but you acknowledged that you farted so I said \u201cWhy don\u2019t you stand over there \u2014\u201d<\/p>\n
MARY: I said I had gas. I was offended by it, okay?<\/p>\n
This is pure poetry to me. There were moments when I was watching this conversation play out where I genuinely started to wonder if I had died and this was what heaven was. But alas, it\u2019s real, and it really is about much more than farts. Mary explains in her confessional that it takes a lot for her to let someone in the way she has with Angie, so any conflict or indiscretion, no matter how small, ignites her fight or flight. She ultimately breaks through to Angie, telling her that she can\u2019t imagine her life without her, but she\u2019s got to get her act together and stop letting this war with Lisa impact the relationships that really matter.<\/p>\n
Heather has a somewhat similar conversation with Lisa, basically urging her to put the weapons down, but Lisa disagrees that she\u2019s just as at fault as Angie is. But what about the Soup Man? Well, the biggest revelation of the episode is the reveal that Lisa was actually never saying \u201cSoup Man\u201d; she was saying \u201cSuit Man.\u201d Those 12 threads on each side must have had an impact on her speech. As some fans speculated, when Meredith was on Sofia Franklin\u2019s podcast<\/a>, Sofia mentioned that her ex-boyfriend (whom she apparently referred to as Suit Man) maybe used to hook up with Angie. So we at least have a source of origin, but nonetheless, Lisa sort of shrugs the whole thing off as a baseless rumor she threw out there just for the hell of it.<\/p>\n Now, I may be losing count, but I think this next scene was the third instance of me saying, \u201cThis is the craziest thing I\u2019ve ever seen\u201d in this episode alone. It is the sit-down between Britani and her daughter, Olivia, which kicks off with Britani awkwardly asking, \u201cCan I hug you?\u201d Olivia reminds her that the last time they tried to do this, Jared showed up and Britani just made out with him the whole time, continuing the pattern of neglect. What\u2019s really remarkable about this confrontation, though, is that Britani isn\u2019t defensive at all \u2014 she takes accountability for being an absent mother but doesn\u2019t understand how it happened and how to stop making that choice over and over again. It\u2019s one of the darkest (and most vulnerable) scenes I\u2019ve watched play out on Bravo. Olivia is sitting there begging her mother to care about her and want to spend time with her, and it\u2019s a skill set that Britani simply doesn\u2019t know how to access. It\u2019s completely brutal.<\/p>\n