A “courageous” mum has been told she has just weeks to live following a decade-long battle with cancer.
Hélène Menardi, who lives in Tunbridge Wells, was first diagnosed at the end of 2015.
Hélène and Marcus with children Tali, Ziva and Etienne
The 41-year-old was born in Tunisia, raised in the south of France, and moved to Nottingham as a teenager, followed by Crystal Palace and Yalding.
She met her now-husband, Marcus Bird, via online dating in November 2015, and the pair “quickly fell in love”.
At the time, Hélène had a son, Etienne Menardi-Jones (now 12), and Marcus had two daughters, Tali (12) and Ziva (14) Sweeney-Bird.
He explained: “We met on Tinder, which was quite an odd thing for both of us as 30-year-olds.
“But as single parents, there aren’t really a lot of options to meet anyone.
Hélène Menardi, from Tunbridge Wells, has been told she has just weeks to live following a decade-long battle with cancer
“About a week after we met, she found a lump on her breast. Within a few weeks, she was diagnosed with breast cancer.
“She told me she would be more than happy if I decided for us to go our separate ways, because it was going to be a lot for me to deal with.
“But there was no reason for me not to be with her. There was no way we’d break up for anything.”
Hélène underwent a bilateral mastectomy the following January and had chemotherapy as well as targeted radiotherapy.
However, the cancer ended up spreading to her lungs, where she had to have further radiotherapy.
Hélène and Marcus got married in September 2018
“That was where it was at for the first few years, and things looked stable,” Marcus said.
The pair got married at the register office in Tunbridge Wells on September 11, 2018.
But in May 2020, Hélène had her first seizure in the middle of the night.
Marcus, 43, explained: “I called an ambulance, but I couldn’t go to the hospital with her because it was around Covid-time.
“They found out that the cancer had spread to her brain, so she’s had 13 rounds of radiotherapy on her brain.”
Hélène and Marcus have been together for a decade
In December last year, she had a craniotomy, a surgical operation that involved temporarily removing a piece of her skull to remove the lesion that had spread.
“They got most of it out, but they couldn’t get the last part out, and that’s the part that’s growing,” Marcus said.
Around five weeks ago, Hélène started to become confused and lost her sense of coordination.
They called The Hospice In The Weald in Pembury for an evaluation, and she was invited to stay at the site for symptom management and practical support.
Marcus, who is originally from Manchester, explained: “She started having seizures multiple times a day. So we went for an urgent MRI, and they said the cancer had spread, and she was now at end-of-life care.
Hélène was born in Tunisia but later settled in Kent
“Around three weeks ago, we were told she only had weeks to live – months at best.
“She first went to the hospice, because she was not able to get up and down the stairs on her own or stand up out of a chair on her own without me lifting her.
“She can’t walk, so it’s too complicated to get her home now.
“She has also got short-term memory loss and keeps forgetting what stage she’s at, so we’ve had to explain to her quite a few times.
“Her mum passed away from cancer when she was 16, so she wanted me to be very clear with the children about how long she’s got left to live and specifically say that she will die from this.
The family lives in Tunbridge Wells
“I’ve had to sit the kids down and talk to them about it.”
He says his wife is “phenomenal”, adding: “She’s the best of all of us. She’s got eternal optimism, and she’s just so positive and uplifting. She’s a real joy to be around.
“Even now she’s at end-of-life care, she spends a lot of her day giggling and laughing and trying to make other people happy.
“I can’t say enough positive things about her.
“She met my girls only after a few weeks of us meeting, and she instantly offered to bake my daughter a birthday cake.
“They called her ‘mummy’ from about six weeks in.
Marcus says his wife is the ‘most courageous’ person he has ever known
“She always pushes me and knows that if I’m having a hard day, I need to go for a run.
“She knows how to fix all of us. So it’s been very difficult without her helping us and telling us what to do.”
He added that the hospice has been “great” and the family can visit Hélène whenever they want.
He said: “ We’ve done movie nights with the kids. We’ve had facials and things like that.
“They’re confused, but actually probably handling it better than most of the adults I know.
Hélène has received several rounds of radiotherapy
“Five years ago, we were told she had six months left to live, so it’s incredible that she’s still with us.
“Nearly all of these treatments over the past decade were funded by the NHS and The Royal Marsden Hospital.
“Without their incredible support, my wife would have passed away many years ago.
“I’ve been her carer, her husband, a dad, and the sole source of income for 10 years.
“We’ve always had this hope that she would get better, and she has, and then she’s got worse.
Hélène has been described as an ‘incredible mother and an amazing partner’
“It’s very surreal at the moment to see that she’s got weeks left”.
His friend Kristin Youell has set up a fundraiser to financially support the family over the coming weeks. Donations can be made here.
Marcus, who is a freelance director and editor, said: “I keep getting offered work, but I just can’t take it at the moment.
“We’ve got a lot of outgoings and no income. We’ve built up debt from not being able to pay for certain things.
“It feels incredibly awkward to ask for help. Knowing that friends, family, and even people from my past can see this plea is humbling.
Hélène is currently at The Hospice In The Weald in Pembury
“But the love I have for Hélène and the children far outweighs any discomfort.
“I’ve realised that my pride is secondary to ensuring my family has the stability and comfort they need right now.
“This is about making sure I can be there for my children and my wife in these final moments.”
He says his wife has shown “unimaginable strength” over the past decade.
He added: “My greatest priority has always been to be by her side.
Marcus says Hélène is ‘a joy to be around’
“Living with a terminal illness is devastating and emotionally distressing for Hélène and our family, and my focus is entirely on caring for her and our children.
“We’ve reached a point where the financial strain has become overwhelming.
“Hélène is the most courageous person I have ever known.
“For nearly 10 years, she has fought with a strength that defies description, enduring countless treatments and surgeries.
“She has been an incredible mother and an amazing partner, and her resilience has been an inspiration to us all.”