Nicky Wade said “there’s no expiry date on living authentically”
Nicky Wade is determined to break down misconceptions(Image: Nicky Wade )
For years, Liverpool mum Nicky Wake felt her bisexual identity was being quietly erased. Not because the 53-year-old, from Hunts Cross, hid it, but because life placed her in a long-term heterosexual marriage that overlooked a fundamental part of who she was.
Now, five years after the death of her husband, the mum-of-one said she is “stepping into her truth” with courage and pride as she aims to break down misconceptions and bring greater awareness to bisexuality.
She told the ECHO: “People often assume your sexuality is defined by the gender of the person you marry. I loved my husband Andy deeply, but just because he was a man doesn’t mean I stopped being bisexual. My sexuality didn’t disappear when I put on a wedding ring.”
Nicky grew up in Runcorn, and her understanding of her identity stretches right back to those teenage years. She explained how everything “just clicked” for her, while she was reading Seventeen magazine that featured a “beautiful woman” in an advert.
Nicky with her late husband Andy
Soon, Nicky fell in love with a woman and, for a time, identified as a lesbian. She said: “I realised this was a part of me I couldn’t ignore, but those years were liberating. Over one summer, I fell head over heels in love, but that relationship ended in heartbreak.
“After that, I moved back up North. I became a naked podium dancer at the Hacienda in Manchester, where sexuality was fluid and labels didn’t matter. Later, I worked as promotions manager, organising events where girls would kiss and running gay raves. Sexuality was very fluid, I fell for the person and the spark between us, not the gender.”
However, everything shifted for Nicky when she met Andy. They two were married for 16 years, during which time Nicky said he brought her “the greatest joy”. Despite this, the mum said her bisexuality was “never cancelled”.
The Wake family with a young Finn(Image: Nicky Wake)
She added: “I wasn’t looking for him, and yet there he was. My great love just happened to be a man. Andy was my rock, he centred me and never questioned my identity. We had a strong marriage built on trust, and he supported me without judgement.”
Andy’s death in 2020 followed a series of serious health challenges. In 2017, he suffered a major heart attack, and over the next three years battled complications that eventually took his life.
His passing devastated Nicky and their son, Finn, and for a long time, she felt that moving on would be a betrayal. But six months later, when she took that step, it “felt healing”. Now, rebuilding her life in her 50s, Nicky is determined to be visible.
She said: “Sleeping with a woman first after Andy died felt comforting. It helped me realise my identity hadn’t gone away, it was still part of me. For some reason it also made me feel less guilty than if I’d slept with a man first.”
Mum Nicky and dad Andy with son Finn
I’m proudly bisexual, and I love dating both men and women. Society put me in a neat box of being a straight wife and a straight mum. But I never fitted that box. Sexuality is a spectrum, and bisexual people are real, valid and worthy of pride.
“I want women in midlife to see me and think it’s okay to be bisexual and married, widowed or in your 50s. There’s no expiry date on living authentically. That lack of visibility can feed shame and isolation. I don’t want my bisexuality to be invisible anymore, I want to be counted.”
Nicky is now speaking out ahead of Bisexual Awareness Week, which takes place from September 16 to 23. For Nicky, open conversation and positive role models are key – something she hopes to champion after telling her story.
Nicky Wake alongside her son Finn
Since losing her husband, Nicky has gone on to launch a series of apps to help others find love and intimacy after bereavement. Chapter2, a dating app for widows and widowers, supports people seeking love and companionship after loss.
Meanwhile WidowsFire offers a safe space for those exploring without judgement. She has also created SoberLove.app for people looking to date while sober, and most recently has just agreed a close business relationship with Gaydar Girls, one of the UK’s most notable platforms for queer women.
She said: “This isn’t about who I date next. It’s about me saying without hesitation, that I am bisexual, I am proud, and I’m not going to be invisible anymore. Bisexual Awareness Week is the perfect moment to celebrate that, and to remind others that being bisexual is valid at every stage of life.”