Pexels/Reddit
Living as a differently abled person is hard enough as is, but trying to relate to others, even those with similar situations as you, can be even harder.
How would you handle if your differently abled mother invalidated your experience? One girl asked for advice from Reddit on how she approached the very sensitive and difficult topic.
Here are the details.
I (35F) became disabled at 19 years old.
I’ve had over half a dozen surgeries over the last 16 years that have saved my life but also left me unable to work and with severe chronic pain.
I spend a lot of my time with my mom (65F) because she is also disabled now and enjoys the company.
That’s a good way to find a silver lining in two bad situations.
Today while talking with her, she got stuck in a negative thought spiral and I tried to focus on some positive things that have happened lately instead.
She started attacking me and saying it’s easy for me to be positive because I’m young and healthy and don’t know what it’s like.
Yikes, not the right response Mom.
So I told her it’s not easy to live in my body, it doesn’t matter if I’m young, I’m still disabled and have been for nearly half of my life.
She said she felt just fine when she was 35 and she could’ve done anything because her body was so young and things are just easier with a young body.
So I told her we are not the same.
It’s a massive false equivalency.
When she was 35 she was married and raising 3 kids and the only surgery she had had was a c-section.
She was still fully functional with no chronic illnesses, pain, or disabilities.
She had just said minutes before she wished she could go back to 35 because she loved her body then.
Yeah, she got her there.
She doesn’t know what it’s like to be 35 in my body and my age does not determine how I feel.
She then told me I’m a narcissist and make everything about myself and think my life has been so much harder than hers and that she’s never suffered, which I never said.
Definitely not what the original poster was saying.
I simply stated I’ve gone through a lot more at 35 than she had at 35.
Including brain and spinal surgeries that I’m still recovering from.
I only said what I said because it’s not easy for me to stay positive.
Completely valid response.
It’s actually extremely difficult and why I’ve been in therapy the last 8 years. AITA?
Oof, this is a tough one with extremely high emotional stakes. Let’s see what Reddit had to say.
Shockingly, there was a lot of nuance.
There was some empathy for the original poster.
Though there was a lot for the Mom as well.
However, some thought all involved were in the wrong.
But all ended on a good note.
Hopefully both of them can find peace in their own way.
If you enjoyed that story, read this one about a mom who was forced to bring her three kids with her to apply for government benefits, but ended up getting the job of her dreams.